When it comes to joking about marrying someone you're dating, one should tread lightly.
"Endlessrays" confided in the "Am I the A**hole" subReddit community by writing on behalf of a friend who did something she did not condone.
This "friend" sent a snapshot of herself in a wedding dress to her then boyfriend—with whom she was in a 3-year relationship and lived together for a year and a half.
It did not go over very well.
What was meant as a joke backfired, and now the OP found herself consoling her devastated friend who maintained her innocence over what she thought was a harmless prank.
The OP prefaced her post by asserting she did not agree with her friend's spontaneous prank and said the friend was "beside herself" and thinks "her bf is being absolutely insane."
"She's a caterer in a beautiful building that's often used for various photography things inside and out. Today there was scheduled to be some kind of bridal wear shoot to showcase some simple, quite vintage-y gowns (very much to my friends taste)."
"For whatever reason they had asked employees in the building to be the models and one of my friends close colleagues was going to do it."
"She was ill the day before and asked my friend if she could fill in."
"They're similar in build so the gowns fitted, and she actually said she had a really good time."
Still high off the excitement of all things nuptial, things took a turn after she decided to punk her boyfriend with some photos from the fitting session.
"The issue was this. She had a few pics taken on her phone for her to keep. She hadn't told her bf about it because it had all been last minute, so thought it would be funny to send him a picture of herself in a gown saying 'gonna be a bit late tonight, too excited for our wedding!!!!!'"
The OP mentioned that the couple was not engaged that neither of them were "that bothered about the formality of getting married."
Based on their thoughts about the conventions of marriage, she had no idea her joke would be triggering.
"He doesn't have his read receipts on so she didn't know whether he saw the message until she got home from work that evening to find a lot of her stuff in front of the apartment door."
"A note was stuck on the door saying 'Door bolted please don't try and come in. Just take your stuff and we can talk tomorrow about you getting what's left, please don't make this difficult you've done enough'."
"Wtf. She was in a state of shock when she called me. I came straight over and she was knocking on his door and ringing and ringing his phone."
"He eventually picked up and started an argument with her, calling her a psycho, all sorts of names, 'who the f* does that' etc etc. She tried to explain herself but he was just having none of it saying she was a psycho and they've talked about their feelings towards marriage and bla bla."
"Even when she got through to him that she was just joking he was still blowing up saying it's not funny. She was in absolute tears I had to pry her away from the door."
"This happened a few hours ago and she is still weeping, heartbroken saying she's lost the love of her life. Shes convinced shes done something wrong, NO."
"In my head I'm asking myself why he's gone off like this, did he have a bad experience in the past and has been triggered? But if so, it doesn't sound like my friend knows anything about it, how can he expect his gf to be sensitive to triggers she doesn't even know about?"
"I'm so dumbfounded by this whole thing, god knows what's going through his mind but my friend is in so much pain rn and I really want to try and convince her shes done nothing wrong."
The OP put the ball in Reddit's court and asked if her friend was the a**hole.
"NTA I'm also dumbfounded. Seems like it was a joke and he had an insanely massive over reaction." – Northern-lurker1
Unless his family was mauled to death by a rabid wedding dress, I'm really struggling to think of what context could justify that reaction." – LeSchad
"I'm guessing she kind of dodged a bullet and he was, in fact, not the love of her life."
"But I feel like even the commitment-phobest commitment-phobe wouldn't react this swiftly and harshly over a picture of a wedding dress?"
"Did he think she really thought they were getting married? Does he think she's stupid or delusional?"
"I just don't get this reaction, at all." – acynicalwitch
Many Redditors were confused over the boyfriend's reaction and wondered if there was more to the story.
"Maybe it's not the first time she 'joked' about marriage and he felt it was getting creepy that she'd gone and gotten a dress when he said he didn't want to get married?"
"I don't know, in this description gf is NTA but it seems like such an over reaction that there must be more to it."
"Maybe as a joke about how they don't want to get married at some point she baked a huge wedding cake and has been slipping a slice in with his lunch every day until he slowly went mad?" – macci_a_vellian
"That's where I'm stuck too. He should have known it was a joke or she should have known he would blow up if this is the 'love of your life.' I'm thinking there is a whole lot of baggage we are not being told. So this may be a YTA." – dowdspooka
"This is what I think too. He wanted to break up anyway so he is using this to blame her for it, rather than have to talk about his feelings." – Corn-Cob-Boy
"Especially since this is a third person's account."
Maybe the gf has been pressuring bf to get married and the picture was just another manipulative tactic that finally sent him over the edge. It's quite likely OP is getting a version that is heavily skewed towards her friend." – bentohouse
Some said the BF locking his GF out was extreme.
"I don't think it's fine ever to lock someone out like unless it's physical abuse. Since they lived together for 1.5 years it's illegal too. He is the crazy one if one must be found." – Chinoiserie91
"I agree there's almost no chance someone that this person was in love would have that kind of reaction to something that seemed very meaningless." – Poggersss-69
"Even if there's some explanation for his reaction, putting her stuff outside and not letting her into her home is illegal."
"If he wanted to end things over this, he should have left, not tried an illegal eviction." – CyberneticPanda
Some speculated the only logical explanation was that the BF had planned to break up.
"My head is spinning trying to guess the psychology behind this."
"She claims he's the love of her life and they have been together for 3 years yet she didn't know he would react this badly to the idea of marriage. He obviously has some objection to it and I get that but she tells a joke and after 3 years he can't guess it's a joke??"
"Or even if he thought she was serious his immediate was response was no reply, kick her out and dump her because she's psycho??? Has she displayed psycho tendencies before? Why did he not sit her and down and say he doesn't want marriage??"
"I'm so confused how two people can live together for a year and a half and be on such different levels and so he was so quick to get rid of her. It may hurt to hear OP but I would guess he's been wanting to break up for awhile." – Dr_Fluffybuns2
"Yeah this chick may have been laying on the marriage conversations very thick, and the bf might have been repeatedly saying he wasn't ready etc."
"I could understand this situation if it was the last straw in a long series of arguments over this. Either way, they've been together 3 years and he had that reaction to marrying her, so they don't need to be together." – redandsmall
"I feel almost like he was looking for a way out, and took this for all it was worth. Three years together, living together for a year and a half. It's hard to break up from that point unless there's something huge and dramatic."
"So he made this into something huge and dramatic."
"At least, that's how it looks to me with the current information. We could be missing something really huge since the post is by a third party, and with information from only one half of the couple." – Lhianneth
This is all just cuckoo, really.
"Ok, he over reacted a little, but what was she thinking?"
"He has zero context, he just gets a text from his girl saying she's picking out wedding dresses for a wedding that he isn't planning. It could've seemed like she had just decided they were getting married or may have a screw loose."
"He doesn't have to be 'triggered' to have a zero tolerance policy for lunacy. Esh. He should've asked for context and if he didn't she should have provided it." – Kitastrophe85
The joke backfiring may have worked in the GF's favor.
"SHe's really, *REALLY lucky."
"This was better to happen now than to happen later over something equally trivial if they ever did get married."
"People like this don't take rejection well, so its lucky she did not have to try to break up with him - she inadvertently tricked him into doing the work for her."
"I hope she finds someone who loves wedding dresses, whether or not there is a wedding :)" – EffectiveEconomics
This could be the breakup she never knew she wanted. Although she is devastated, the BF sounds like he is not a good match.
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