Married Couples Explain Why They Decided To Sleep In Separate Bedrooms

Every couple is different, and what they will expect from their relationship and what they will need in order to feel fulfilled will differ, as well.

Some obvious examples would relate to wealth and sex drive, but there are other, less obvious examples, too, like sleep schedules and sleep hygiene.

Where one couple might see a red flag in not sleeping together, another will see it as necessary for the health of their relationship.

Redditor BeginningFox8632 asked:

"How many married couples here sleep in separate bedrooms and why?"

Opposite Sleep Schedules

"My parents have done this for the last 40 years or so, and have had separate bedrooms. If they try to sleep in the same room, neither of them gets any sleep."

"He goes to bed at 10, wakes up at 5:30 AM, and snores like crazy. She goes to bed at 11 and wakes up at 7:00 AM, sleeps like a starfish, flops around all night, and gets up at least twice to go to the bathroom."

"That said, they get along great and are still happily married."

- PoisonWaffle3

The Newborn Rotation

"We have a newborn and want one person to get a good night's sleep every other night."

- Rrmack

"We did the same. We also let the night shift parent take a solid nap the next day."

- littlesNponies

The Early Riser

"My husband and I sleep in different rooms about 75% of the time. Mainly, it’s logistical."

"My husband gets up at the crack of dawn and goes to bed pretty early. I am the opposite. So this way we don’t disturb each other. On weekends, we will usually sleep in the same bed cause our schedules are more matched."

"The other reason is because my husband snores like a freight train, and I can’t tolerate wearing earplugs every night."

"I’ve had friends who were weirded out/concerned about our arrangement, but there is really no need. Our relationship is strong, and our intimacy is unaffected. Actually, it’s better cause we aren’t disturbing each other, and we can both sleep!"

- Fine_Mobile_5450

Sleep Conditions

"She likes it quiet and warm. I like it loud enough to drown out my tinnitus and morgue cold."

"Best solution is different bedrooms, I’ve tried everything short of one of those sleep-eight mattresses."

- ExistencelsPain1

"I tell my wife this all the time. To be fair, she thinks I’m insane for sleeping with the window open in the winter. Pretty sure mid-40s is my ideal sleeping temperature."

- Dangerous-Math503

Physical Demands

"I snore. Loudly."

"She kicks.... and what I mean by 'kicking' is, sticking her feet out from under the blankets till they're freezing, and then raking her extremely cold toenails down the back of my leg. All in her sleep without waking up, or at least, not waking up until my freaked-out screech."

"Separate bedrooms saved our marriage. Seriously."

- slice_of_pi

Catching All The Z's And Sawing All The Logs

"The snoring. All the snoring."

- Salt_Honey8650

"My husband used to snore all the time and really loud. I’m a deep sleeper, so it would never wake me up."

"He recently was diagnosed with sleep apnea and got a CPAP."

"Now I wake up in the middle of the night due to silence, and in my sleepy stupor, I need to check to make sure he’s still alive because it’s so quiet, LOL."

- beaniver

Night Shift Guessing Games

"We do. My husband works rotating night shifts, so it makes it hard to adjust each time for both of us. He also stays up much later than me when he’s off work."

- Careless_Win_6365

Entirely Different Roofs

"My manager and her husband do, because he snores."

"I also knew a couple who lived in separate houses that were across the street from each other."

"Whatever it takes to make your relationship work is fine, unconventional or no."

- Celebrindae

"We’re two blocks from one another! Doesn’t make sense to shuffle kids around (mine and his) while they’re still in school when we already live a stone's throw away. We’ll more likely consolidate residences once the youngest kids are out of the house (8 years away…) unless something major changes before then."

- cloverandclutch

Independent Spaces

"We have slept in separate rooms since we had two separate rooms to go to, so close to 30 years now. Our son is 21, if that matters."

"Both of us like our own space and have our respective rooms set up very differently. We're both are restless sleepers. Both of us snore."

"Apparently, I hoard pillows (I currently have six on my bed) and will steal them from under his head while I am sound asleep. Likewise, I wrap myself in a cocoon and will take all blankets on the bed to do so, regardless of whether there's also someone else using those blankets next to me."

"He likes watching TV in bed, but I don't. He sleeps with his leg and arm over something (usually a pillow), but when I was there, his throwing his limbs over me and effectively holding me down while I was asleep completely freaked me out."

"I like it dark, cold, and quiet, he wants it warmer, isn't bothered by light, and needs noise to go to sleep, which will keep me awake. He will stay up all night when he can, I need to be asleep by 10:30 PM."

"If we wanted a good night's sleep, we couldn't share a room to *sleep* in. The two separate rooms have never prevented any other sort of bedroom activity."

- Yowie9644

The Difference Between Light And Heavy

"I'm a heavy sleeper and a loud snorer. I'm also a bartender and sometimes finish work 3:00 or 4:00 AM. She's a light sleeper and likes her bed like a straitjacket."

"Our relationship improved so much once the separate beds started. We take the occasional nap together."

- SpexRays

Too Much Body Heat

"I’m too light of a sleeper, and I hate other people’s body heat. My husband is a furnace."

- Neither-Fun-4363

"My husband is a furnace as well, but I’m anemic, so it works out VERY well for us. We’re same room sleepers, but I’m loving reading other perspectives on the topic!"

- SleepyPuppet715

Another Important Approach

"Same bed but different covers. She hogs them."

- zendragon888

"I think sharing a blanket is insanity! I love you, but that’s my d**n blanket and I want to roll up in it like a cinnamon roll."

- Mojo-man

A Comforting Thought

"I was married 30 years and had separate bedrooms because I'm a light sleeper and he tossed and turned and snored."

"I'm with my new partner after he passed away, and he's the same. We go to bed together to cuddle and watch TV until he falls asleep, and then I go to my bed."

- GoneshNumber6

A Game Changer To Their Marriage

"My wife and I do. We’ve been married for 24 years now. The first 19 were spent sleeping in the same room, but our sleep habits are just too different."

"She likes the ceiling fan on, open window (when weather permits), some light in the room, and minimal blankets. I like no moving air, complete quietness, complete darkness, and heavy blankets."

"I was constantly waking up from noises and started to sleep on the couch in the middle of the night. Finally, we decided to try sleeping in separate rooms, and it’s been bliss for both of us. On the weekends, I’ll 'sneak' into her bed early in the morning. We also sleep together when traveling or on vacation, since sleep isn’t as critical as work days."

"Overall, it’s been great for our marriage, and it hasn’t negatively affected our sex life in the least."

- CBus-Eagle

The Opposite Effect

"Normalize not sleeping together when it does not fit the couple. I love this. Would not settle for less."

"I think the relationship would be highly affected if someone never gets any sleep."

"People who don't agree just haven't experienced not sleeping or not having enough sleep due to external factors for weeks, months, years."

- leicea

While it might seem concerning and even counterintuitive for a couple to not sleep together every night, there's much more to sleeping together than intimacy and sharing space. If the two people need completely different things in order to adequately rest, it would stand to reason that sleeping together would hurt their relationship rather than help it.

It's best to let each couple decide what is best for them and simply respect it, full stop.