Problem Solving

My son is the only kid I know who got out of school suspension in kindergarten.

They had come back inside from recess and my son told the teacher he wanted to go back outside. Teacher obviously says no he can't go back outside, so he pulled the fire alarm because he remembered when you pull the fire alarm everyone has to go back outside...... suspended for 3 days.

dalade11

Does He Even Know What It Means?

My youngest was at a petting zoo, and all the animals were behaving as expected, except the chickens. After several attempts to run up on them, my wife caught him ducked down, creeping like stealth mode in Skyrim. As he snuck by she heard him mutter "come here, you little b*stard chickens." I laughed way too hard to actually do anything about his swearing. My wife however, gave him the bit about using appropriate language, no matter how funny dad thinks it is.

Papua_New_Guiness

Toxic Friends; Bye!

My 4 year old used to play with the 6 year olds next door. These little girls were little sh!t heads. They were playing keep away from her, because she was small, they would ride their bikes far away from her and then come back and scold her for "ditching them". Right as I'm getting up from the porch to say something to their parents, my 4 year old just loudly says, in the middle of the street, "You're b*tches" and goes inside.

We had cookies and talked about not using curse words, but I have to agree, they're b*tches.

hdtechusa

Rented Property

My niece got grounded for getting in trouble in school. She was disallowed from having any digital devices in her room. Parents stripped the room.

Apparently, however, she managed to convince her friend to rent her friend's tablet for the week. She did so by trading her desserts. Nobody would have noticed, except she giggled just a little too loudly when my brother-in-law was passing by. When he opened the door, she was sitting in bed, but completely flustered. Apparently she said everything was all right, but, when she got up for a hug her father smartly insisted on, the tablet fell on the floor.

Secret props from my sister and BIL for creativity. More days grounded for my niece.

UserDanMan

Playground Rules

My son is now 14 but when he was 8 he got in trouble for hitting another kid. The teacher was further infuriated when she asked my son why he hit the other kid and my son responded with "Coz my mum said if someone hits me I should hit him back".

I worked at the school's After School Hours program so the teacher brought my son to me and told me she was outraged my son would lie to her by saying that. I told her my son wasn't lying, I had told him to hit back as I didn't want him being bullied. This pissed the teacher off more. She then explained that the boy my son hit had been bullying a little girl so my son had stepped in to stop him and that's when the other kid hit my son so then my son hit back.

I said it sounded like my son had done the right thing in helping the little girl from the bully and if the school wants to punish him that's fine but in my books he'd done the right thing.

Schools are sometimes stupid in their playground rules.

MsAnj77

Racism Is Always Good For Retaliation

So this was my husband when he was younger. He is asian and was adopted into a family in a very white town. He was in the bathroom at middle school one day and a kid starts harassing him saying racist sh*t like "Show me some karate". So my husband kicked him in the penis. He had to leave school for the day so he got in trouble there but his parents definitely did not punish him.

Upward5piral

Not For My Own Joy

I was the kid.

My younger brother has high-functioning autism, and he doesn't really like to leave home for any reason. We went to the beach and he was upset the whole time; the only thing he was interested in was the seagull that occasionally flew or walked by. My parents wanted to snorkel but he wouldn't get in the water, so I said I'd stay on the beach and watch him for a while. I was told not to let him feed the seagulls.

As soon as my parents were far enough out into the ocean, I cracked open the cooler and ripped open a bag of chips, throwing them all over the sand around us. Within a minute there were hundreds of seagulls flocking us, like we were in a snow globe. My brother was having the time of his life.

Of course I got into trouble, but it was worth it. It's been 5+ years but he still brings it up and talks about how it was his favorite beach trip.

seamonkeysss

Mission Accomplished

Backstory: i had been trying to teach my kids how to protect one another and always be there. All my children were in a strict Christian school and one day I went to pick them. As I pull up, there are no kids playing in the snow and I'm met at the door by teachers who are so angry they won't talk to me. I'm like wtf is going on.

Come to find out half the school(30kids) we're in corners or writing sentences. Wtf again.

The younger teachers bring my oldest girls who are in 3 and 4th grade out to me smiling and pull me to the aide to tell me.

A boy with a crush on my oldest daughter was teasing her and took her winter coat.

My second oldest daughter and her friends saw this and literally jumped the boy, threw him down the snow hill and the whole f*cking school of little "Christian kids" rolled into the one and only school fight while my two girls walked off with their coats and stood to the side.

Later that night while I wanted to strangle them and congratulate them, the principal calls me says oh god it was the funniest thing I ever saw!!

Mean while more than half the parents at the church were angry about it for months.

Widget2957

Hacking

Son did something to the school IT network that allowed him to bypass a security system and do something that was banned (I deliberately tuned out during the details of how, but the thing he wanted to do was definitely something he'd be allowed to do at home). He fixed it when he was done, logged out and rebooted, but got caught anyway as someone saw him access whatever site it was.

Even the IT department and Head of Year said they were hugely impressed by his ability and ingenuity. But he had to be punished, and the punishment was to remove all tech from his school day for one full day. Way more successful a punishment than exclusion or detention would have been.

bopeepsheep

Don't Tell Your Mother, Kiss One Another, Die For Each Other

I was the kid.

In my first year of high school, I made a new friend in class. One day he brings 6 little tins (model paint tins) covered in tape and there was a little wick on top of it.

"Here have these, my dad makes them"

I took them home, in the middle of the night I snuck down to a park and lit one. A single tiny tin shot sparks and glowing embers 30 feet into the air. It was incredible. I loved it!! I ran home and hid the other 5 in my wardrobe.

A few weeks later mum calls me into my room as soon as I got home from school. She's found the fireworks and shes pissed. She asks what they are and I tell her. I'm grounded for 2 weeks.

A couple of days later my dad walks into my room and hands me $20.

"Tell your friend I want 6 more. Don't tell your mother."

Tyrael__

Down He Went

My boy was about 4 years old and playing on a soccer team. Being the gentle soul he is, he believed in sharing the ball on the field. But there was this other kid who understood the purpose of the game was not sharing the ball with your opponent. The kid would push into him rather roughly in the spirit of getting or maintaining possession of the ball. At some point my son just flat out decked him. I just put my hand over my eyes and looked downward to keep from laughing in a way that other parents could see me. It goes without saying that I would never condone that behavior - and we did have a serious talk about it afterward. He's now 20 yo and is the kindest gentlest man I've known. Of course, I'm not stupid enough to play soccer with him...

Thinkingaboutstuff2

BANG!

I was 14 or so and playing fetch with the dog. Out in a field behind our house that had a bunch of old chain link fence pieces laying around. I'm not sure why I thought, I wonder if the ball will fit in the metal fence post, but it did.

I immediately knew what I had to do. I had to build a cannon. So I dug a small dirt hill for protection and went about drilling and glueing. The first time it blew the cap off the fence post... The second time I buried the end in the dirt, put half a cup of black powder in, toilet paper as wadding and the ball. Cap stayed on and I never did find that ball again.

Needless to say the fire department was called by the neighbors. My dad was pissed, but my mom just couldn't stop laughing.

Pm-mind_control

Not The Yeti

I doubt this will get read.

So here is some backstory....

I told my wife about my sister's old college roommate and what she used to do. Her roommate used to grab her boob and yell,"SASQUATCH!"

Well I told my wife this and did it to her a few times because its funny (we both get a kick out of it). Any who, my daughter at like 1-2 years old does this to her day care teacher. Teacher told the wife and heard it from my wife. Honestly I thought it was hilarious!

Wife says it was the most awkward daycare pick up.

BonzaiBananas

This Child Was Definitely A Scorpio

Obligatory not a parent but the kid.

I was maybe six or seven when this happened and my parents had taken me to the local farm for my birthday because I wanted to go to their little petting zoo. So we're walking around the pens and we get to the sheep area.

I was walking around acting like a little shit like kids do and I walked up to this really weird looking sheep. Turns out the farmer had a pet ram and he forgot to put it away before opening. So I come up and start messing with its horns because I thought it was injured. It didn't like that and within seconds I found myself sitting on my ass with my stomach hurting. That bastard had rammed me but instead of getting upset I just got really angry. My parents and the farmer start running towards me, screaming at me to back away so I don't get hurt anymore. But I was an anger fueled kid so I stood up, cocked my arm back, and punched it as hard as I could in the jaw.

I proceeded to then break down in tears because that fractured my wrist. I was grounded for a few weeks because my parents didn't want me thinking that punching livestock was the right thing to do but my dad still thinks that's the coolest thing i've ever done.

LuLuCheng

Repeating What We're Not Proud Of

My husband recently brought this one to my attention.

Bikers in our area are known for being *ssholes and revving their engines to a painfully audible decibel as they go past pedestrians. I've taken to muttering under my breath things like "F*cking d**chebags" and sometimes forget that I've got my 8 year old with me.

The other week, he demanded to know why I'd said it was acceptable for my 8 year old to scream "You f*cking d**chebag!" at revving bikers as they went past.

Keeping a straight face was hard.

McStaken

Vicarious Scolding

I'm not a parent, nor have I ever been so this story is from my point of view rather then my mom.

One year we got crazy amounts of snowfall after Christmas and I had decided that it would be an good awesome idea to go sledding off the roof. My mom just happened to be looking out the front window when I went flying off, landed in the yard and down out into the street. We lived in a circle so there was no traffic but she had no idea what had happened so she scolded me pretty good over that one. She said it was something she had always thought about doing when she was little but never had the opportunity to do so.