Marriage Counselors Share The Stupidest Reason A Couple Has Ever Booked An Appointment

The Less Than 5 Minutes Method

"My anger management group facilitator told us a funny story about a couple that came in for counseling. The husband wanted to write a book. The wife said she would work and do everything around the house for a year while he worked on his book."

"So he quit work and wrote his book while she did everything. The book got published and was a hit. The publisher asked him to do a book signing tour. The wife was furious. She had supported him writing the book and she was done."

"They came to the appointment and explained the situation. The therapist asked the wife, 'So what would it take for you to be ok with the book tour?' She said, 'A trip to Hawaii with my sister." The husband was like, 'Really? Done.' "

"The appointment was over in five minutes."

-- ov3rcl0ck

PSA: Therapists are not Tools for Leverage

"My specialty is children and families, but during the pandemic I was assigned whatever came in because it has been super busy..."

"One lady called and spoke with me first about how her husband was horrible at communication and never listened to her. She asked for a couples session."

"As soon as she ambushed her husband with a 'there is a therapist on the line that wants to speak with you' her husband screamed:"

" 'YOU CALLED A THERAPIST BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO PAIN THE HOUSE PURPLE?' "

"She wanted me to convince him to paint the house purple, and like any normal human who sees colors, he refused to listen to her."

-- random_girl_me

THE DISHES

"It's always the dishes. I don't see couples anymore because I cannot have one more conversation with adult human beings about the various philosophies of dish washing." -- monkeylion

"Dad told me that the secret to a happy marriage was a dishwasher and two bathrooms." -- hipcatcoolcap

"As a younger person, I want to say that the game is rigged. We've learned from our parents, 'don't rush into marriage,' 'test out sexual compatibility,' check and check... but do you know how long it takes to establish dish washing compatibility!?" -- ShinyJangles

When Commitment is Lacking

"Nothing is really stupid in making the decision to come in for a couples session."

"But the most startling session I've had was when the couple had barely sat down and one of them informed the other that the relationship was over, turned to me and said 'thank you for supporting (partner) through this' and left the office."

-- targaryenmegan

Misplaced Focus 

"I work with a lot of kids, and I see far more stupid reasons that couples have NOT scheduled an appointment... Parents spill their guts while explaining what's wrong with their children, and 90% of the time it's the parents' marriage causing issues with the child/family."

"This is totally not a catch-all statement because many children have true behavioral/emotional challenges separate from their parents' marriage...but at the same time, if you feel like your child is struggling and you have tried everything, maybe try marriage counseling..."

-- kcmullan

Tough Industry for a Couple

"A pimp and one of his sex workers scheduled a session to see me because they were having jealousy issues."

"They were legally married and he was unhappy with how she couldn't 'leave work at work.' Best. Couple. Ever."

-- holtsm7

Pragmatic Issues

"Couldn't decide on which chicken to buy for their chicken farm" -- warpus

"Like which specific chicken, or which breed of chicken to raise in general?" -- CyanCandlelight

"Sounds like a Portlandia sketch lol" -- HeeHawPete

Things Left Unsaid

"A lot of couples schedule counseling for legitimate reasons like 'communication issues' but then it will come out that the real reason IS something stupid and they don't even realize it."

"I had a couple married 25 years who were struggling to connect and it turned out they were resentful of each other because they both wanted to spend various holidays with their families of origin. Never talked about it, never mentioned it, just both simmered in silent resentment for 25 years."

"It was resolved so quickly once it was unearthed."

-- kcmullan

Grave Concerns

"my cousin went to counseling because her husband cuts the sandwich straight inside of diagonal. When i first heard it, i thought it was a joke." -- crusnic_zero

"My husband now is 32 and won't eat a sandwich unless cut diagonal. I made the mistake if cutting it straight once as a prank.. It wasn't funny. You don't mess with his diagonal sandwiches." -- wattsittoyou

Some Analysis Right in the Comments

"My sister in law made an appointment for marriage counseling because her husband greeted their dog before her when coming home from work" -- Freyja_the_derpyderp

"I have no option, the dogs are literally at the door, ready for me to try and not trip over them." -- syko82

"100% it wasn't the dog. She probably felt neglected in the marriage and needed more attention and physical touch. The dog getting greeted first was just an easy thing to verbalize." -- perumbula