The Funniest Things People Have Ever Overheard Anyone Say

People can be hilarious without them even knowing it.

A conversation between people that doesn't include you can be perceived as hysterical out of context.

And when you're within hearing range of these esoteric conversations, you might get an unexpected chuckle that brightens your day.

Curious to hear examples from eavesdroppers, Redditor dbmaj7_ asked:

"What's the funniest thing you've overheard a stranger say?"

Pay attention when you're out and about. You never know when you'll get your next chuckle.

Honest Driver

"Sitting at the DMV in an interesting part of town. Lady: 'What's the grace period on an expired license?' DMV tells her there is no grace period. Later they tell her she needs cash or check (this was before DMV started accepting credit cards). 'Oh well I'll be back then, I need to drive....I mean walk to the ATM.'"

– 924Carrera

Heard It Through The Grapevine

"I once heard someone say, 'I overheard my plants gossiping about me."'

– wetjuicystrawberry

"Typical house plants. They’re always so judgy."

– prairiemountainzen

Sad Funny News

"In Alabama: 'His granddaddy died. He didn’t die of nuthin, he was just too damn lazy to live.' ”

– SerpentineRPG

"In my head, I heard that in the 'Bama accent, too. 😄"

– upgradewife

Good Substitute

"Overheard someone exclaim “OH SHRIMP!!!!” while playing tennis. I’m sure it was a substitute word for sh*t but it’s now a saying in our house."

– kristalwash

Customers overhear people saying the darnedest things.

Beauty Weapon

"A mom at Walmart was telling her two preteen daughters that this is the last hair brush she was buying and made them both repeat 'We will not use this brush as a weapon' I laughed out loud and had to apologize!"

– RevolutionOne7076

Dirty Minds Think Alike

"I went to an indoor RV show where they were selling snacks. A few women in their seventies were working the food stand. They started to laugh. I kindly ask, what are you laughing about? Share the joke. The lady responded, 'she said she hadn’t handled this many wieners in 40 years.' ”

– thomport

The Go-To Shopping Destination

"Friend of mine ran into his Dad in a grocery store, that he did not know was in town at the time. He turned around to us and said 'see, I told u Krogers had everything.' ”

– Grand-Ad-3177

A Valid Excuse

"Overhead at a grocery store when two shoppers' carts bumped into each other. One apologized to the other by saying, 'My bad, I have an out-of-state license.'"

– Redditress428

Pardon My Purse Bread

"Once I was in line behind a lady at TJ Maxx. She was taking a few minutes to find her wallet to pay and apologized to the clerk saying, 'oh sorry, it was underneath my purse bread.' She pulled an entire baguette out of her bag and then found her wallet. It made me jealous that I have been living life without purse bread."

– meowpal33

Accurate Measurements

"When I worked at Amazon I overheard this guy talking to some girls down the Isle from me. All I heard was him loudly say, 'They're less than the diameter of a dime!' And when I turned around, he was pointing at his nipples, lol. I never formally met him, but to me, then on, he was always a tiny nipple guy.'

– Carricriss
 

Drugs And Alcohol

"In line at the pharmacy, woman in front of me asks the clerk 'Now is this the one I can't have alcohol with? 'Cause I've had a few.'"

– kristikaymac

Kids are mini-comedians.

No Shoes For Olivia

"A mom yelling at her daughter from across the park saying:"

“Olivia! Do not throw away your shoes!”

"At the exact same moment, Olivia pushed both of her shoes into the trash can and then ran to the swing set as if nothing had happened, while her mom was like:"

“Olivia!! No!!”

– prairiemountainzen

Beautiful Toys

"A young girl with her mother, 'Mam, look, there's a sale on toys in there!' Mother 'they're not toys for you!' Mother drags child away from Ann Summers haha."

– Dear-Original-675

The Guilty One

"I guess it was a kid. 'Who let out the poop?' I was doing a gig at a big resort and had to take a major dump. I’m sitting in a stall and it sounded like a bunch of dads came in with their sons. I’m sitting in the stall.The smell wafted, and I waited for them to leave before I left the stall. It took everything I had during the show to not go, 'By the way, twas I who let out the poop!'”

– Gladysfartz

What The Kid Wanted

"I work in retail, the kid is being all bratty about to throw a tantrum, and the father goes."

'If you don't stop, we'll just go straight home with no shopping!'

"The kid who was maybe about 4 or 5 hits back with"

'THAT'S WHAT I WANTED THE WHOLE TIME!!!'

I couldn't help but chuckle when I passed by an elderly couple inside a mall food court who were bickering.

After what appeared to be the wife constantly nagging him about how they should've shopped elsewhere for a certain product because it was allegedly cheaper, the husband made a comment that shut her down in an instant that was more comical than toxic.

He griped, "Would you quit brow-beating me?!"

I've never heard that expression before. And I was grateful I was introduced to such a cute retort to his wife's non-stop bickering.

Ahh, marriage...