oh-myyy-ribbon

First dates can be incredibly uncomfortable - but usually when people say that they mean uncomfortable for the daters. Trust us, though, some of those first dates can be just as uncomfortable for the people forced to witness them.


Reddit user StickyRice4 asked:

Waiters/waitresses, what is the worst first date you've witnessed?

Considering your classic first date setup typically happens at a bar or restaurant, there were a lot of answers, each a little bit more awful than the one before. Generally speaking, they all boil down to one major mistake - an inability or unwillingness to read your date.

So there you go, folks. That's our pro-tip for the day. Read your date so you know whether or not you should bust out your Pokemon, your racism or homophobia, your fetishes, or that thing you do with your tongue.

Spoiler Alert: Yeeeeaaaaah you should probably keep that stuff to yourself on a first date.

Untouched

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This isn't as bad as some of the others but the guy and girl arrived separately and it seemed like they were meeting for the first time at the restaurant. They sat down then the girl excused herself and went to the bathroom. The guy ordered drinks for them both while she was gone then, after like 30 mins, ordered two meals. It was so obvious she wasn't coming back but he kept calling her and eventually just left all the food and drink untouched and paid the bill.

- lachrym0se

Rum Punch

Bartended for a decade. For a while I was at a medium range Italian restaurant. More than once I saw a first date go awry because one of the two drank too much. Most memorable was a woman who started downing rum punches. They were at a table so I couldn't see them and I guess the waiter had forgotten his "red light, yellow light" training (I don't know if they still do that). After the sixth one I asked if these were all going to the same person and he said yes. I was like, oh sh!t. Sure enough, girl ended up puking all over my bathroom and locking herself in. When we got the door open she was passed out and there was puke everywhere including all over her. No cab would touch her so the guy ended up taking her home. He came in a week later and said they were going on another date. I was skeptical. They've been married for about 15 years and are absurdly happy. She avoids rum punches.

- voice_of_craisin

Starbucks And Japanese

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She was Japanese and he started off by showing her his shirt with sumo wrestlers on it, then would ask questions like... what's your favorite sushi? Do you only speak Japanese? How do you say toilet in Japanese? They have sumo in Japan right? Did you see my shirt? It was so amazingly awkward

- daveyhh

Homophobic Mom

I once had two very young (like 15 at most) teenage boys come into my place for what was clearly their first date together, if not their first date ever. Maybe 20 minutes into their date one of their mothers showed up, realized it was a boy her son was on a date with, and started screaming and crying about she didn't understand how he could do this to her and didn't he know she wanted grandchildren, etc, etc. She just flipped out and was totally homophobic and told him he wasn't allowed in her home if he was going to choose this lifestyle. He started crying, his poor date was totally bewildered, and ended up calling his mom to come take them home.

- notasugarbabybutok

BBQ

Girl and guy came into the barbecue restaurant I worked at. At this place, like many casual BBQ places, you pay after you order and then come back to pick up your food when your number is called. That will matter in a second. Anyway...

They met at the door exchanging the usual "Hi, nice to meet you!", etc. The guy was a complete ass. She ordered ribs and without hesitation he said:
"Do you want to keep that hot figure of yours or look like that chick over there?"

He then pointed to a woman who was slightly overweight. While they were waiting in line to pay he started flirting with the chick behind them. She dead ass waited until he paid then left without waiting for the food.

- alixphoenix

Her Hand

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Couple in their mid-twenties comes in, it's obviously a first date but they seem to really like each other and are getting along well. I wasn't serving them however. About halfway through their meal I notice them holding hands over the table. Cute. Then, the guy lifts her hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. A bit of an outdated gesture, but still cute I guess. The woman seems slightly confused but goes along with it. A little while later I see the guy do it again. Okay, dude. Then again. Woman is confused and looks a little uncomfortable. They are no longer holding hands. I go to serve my table and see the dude full on MAKING OUT with her hand, tongue and all. Woman looks extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable, looking everywhere but at her date. I go over and casually ask if they need anything, and the dude stops. Woman yanks her hand back. She left pretty soon after.

- foppishyyy

The Cutest Karma

I had a 2 top in a small booth and across from them was a family of 6. The 2 top was in their mid 40's maybe 50. I was delivering food to the 6 top and I was being berated for not using legs with my big trays, so I grabbed a pair and headed off. When I was setting them down a stacked plate on my tray shifted to the side and the whole tray pitched toward the 6 top. I panicked and tried to stop it from falling and it all went backwards off the tray.

Unluckily I didn't hear a single plate shatter. I turned around and the woman at the 2 top had rib sauce on her face, mashed potatoes in her bust, and broccoli all over her lap. I started with, "I'm so sorry ma'am. Please stand up and we'll get you cleaned up."

My 6 top was forgotten at that moment. I pleaded with her to get up so we could clean her off, someone produced a towel for me, I had 2 managers trying to help. She was so polite and insistent that it was nobody's fault. Her husband finally said, "at least wipe the sauce off your face." And she laughed and got up.

Everything was comped on their ticket including alcohol. It was the only tray I ever dropped and they never made me use legs again.

They came back in and asked for me the next week. The husband told me they were celebrating 30 years together that night. I felt horrible. Then he told me on their first date she made spaghetti, and accidentally dumped it in his lap. He told her it was karma and they had a huge laugh, and a free meal.

- thebolda

The House Wine

I worked as a waitress in an Italian restaurant while in uni in 2006. Obvious first date comes in. He's booked it and requested a table in a secluded area of the restaurant because the acoustics would be perfect.She arrives and asks to move table to by the window. No big deal. He's annoyed at this.

They ordered a carafe of the house red with their meals. Anything she said he'd turn it into some achievement he'd already accomplished. He kept making comments about her order, such as how fattening a dish would be etc,and then proceeded to say his family owned a vineyard and he knew a good red wine when he smelt one.

He then asked for the most expensive wine on the menu and to take away the what he called "piss of a house wine" then talked about how the bouquet was different and the clarity was so much better on the "expensive" wine.

When it came to dessert she had enough of his bull and flipped when he said that she shouldn't have any or she'd end up with stretch marks. She was a bit overweight but not overly so. She stood up and yelled at him for being a condescending piece of garbage, for knowing nothing at all about wine and dropped the coup de grâce that her father was our wine supplier and that the "piss of a house wine" red was exactly the same as the most expensive wine (all of which was totally true).

He was left speechless with the full check to pay.

- TummerAndSinkles

Why She Loved That Waitress

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I was the person on a terrible first date.

It was unusual because he picked a very fancy location that was way out of town (like an hour drive), I normally prefer casual dates like walking in the park, or coffee but he insisted we go.

I arrived first and when I sat down I ordered a drink (strawberry lemonade I don't drink alcohol) and was talking to the waitress saying I was waiting on a date, she was super nice to me and said "oh I hope it's fun good luck!"

Once he arrived suddenly her mood shifted, she gave him an attitude when he ordered. He was trying to bully me into getting some alcohol but I was firm and said I would stick to my strawberry lemonade. Throughout the date he kept trying to order me vodka.

Waitress was being really weird and kept complimenting me and giving me free lemonades, refills every two minutes and basically giving him dirty looks and stayed close by always watching. The guy was being a prick about the situation and started acting rude, "I hope she's not gonna charge for those." He looked incredibly angry and uncomfortable.

I was starting to wonder why this waitress was being so mean so I went to the bathroom and waited to flag her down.

She told me he goes there every other weekend with a new girl and that the girls would walk out of there acting very drunk.

I did confront him and he admitted he gets girls drunk to sleep with him with pressure tactics. I took off right when he said that and the waitress took me to my car, I made sure to give all the cash I had as a tip.

I seriously love that waitress, and I'll never forget her.

- ProvocativeSkeleton

Blasted Racist

Not a server but a bartender. My girlfriend was serving an obvious first date and they were ordering an alarming amount of drinks with 30 minutes of sitting down, I ask my gf what was going and and she said the girl was doing all of the shots they ordered. I walked from behind the bar to the bathroom purely to check in on the situation and good lord this girl on the date was blasted and just dropping the f-bomb every other word.

Eventually the chick went outside to smoke and the dude B-lined to the bar and asked if he could give me money for the waitress and sneak out (actually gave $200 for a $70 tab so nice)...the girl came back in and ate the food they ordered then tried to order more drinks. Had to throw her out and she started calling me the n word. I'm very much a white dude. Bizarre night that my girl and I still talk about years later.

- PhilyMick67

The Hipster King And His Moral Mountain

Oh yes! I've got the mother of all hipster dates!

So I was at Father's Office, it's kind of a trendy beer /hipster/ amazing food/ show that is wall to wall packed every night.My friends and I are enjoying what could possibly be the best burger ever made. I'm drinking a beer.

This place is set up kind of strange. You have 2 bars along the back wall, some tables in the middle for dinner and a ring of booths around the rest of the bar. Not a lot of room to move around or really have private space. It didn't really bother me because I was having an orgasmic out of body experience with this burger.

Until in walks the king of all of the Los Angeles hipsters...

This guy had every article of hipster clothing on. That stupid Amish hat, the fruit pattern button up shirt sleeve shirt, the swacket (sweater-jacket), burgundy corduroy pants, and yes deck shoes. His face was adorned with your typical hipster add ons; the septum piercing, gauges, those awful Harry Potter glasses, patchy stubble and a 80's porn star mustache. Bracelets clanking off his Apple watch he saunters in to the bar and plops himself in the booth behind me. My back is to his back, and I can feel the Mumford and Sons rolling out of his soul.

He orders some nonsense beer and begins to make "work" calls on his ridiculous watch... in a bar loud enough to bother my deaf uncle. So pretentious. His voice sounds like the Chipmunks smoked camel unfiltered's and drank wild turkey. I am immediately in hate with this walking skidmark on the underwear of society.

That is until the crowds around the bar part and in walks the most incredibly attractive ordinary girl I've ever seen. I know that sounds confusing but just think about it. We've all seen someone like that before, nothing really special about them... But all of the normality is just perfect. She is wearing jeans with a black v-neck shirt. She is rocking some really nice Jimmy Choo's (yes I know what those are don't judge me) I can tell she just got done with work because she has that "I want to go home and make love to my bed" look.

She smiles at our table as she walks by and then very sensually slides into the booth with the hipster King. My friends and I give each other that "here comes the show" look. He introduces himself, she introduces herself it's fairly normal conversation.

Then she asks what he does for work and the gates of hipster hell open. Apparently, he is the most accomplished man in the entire city of LA. He is a writer, a director, an actor, a vegan food expert, wine expert, tech genius who makes million dollar apps as a hobby, has a charity, and most importantly is involved in the weed industry. He says all of this in the most condescending tone possible; like she could never measure up to his incredible portfolio.

My table is struggling not to laugh as we listen to this modern day million dollar man tell this girl that he is probably a way better human being than she could ever hope to be. How he is totally down with black lives matter, how he donated buckets of money to Hillary Clinton's campaign. His moral fiber is so strong that scientist are trying to use it to catch meteors.

Now at this point I can't see her face, remember she is facing my back. But I have to see how she is reacting to this guy's PR interview... so I very casually stand up to stretch... and as I put my arms out I turn my head to look at her. She has this look of confusion sprinkled with disgust and a little dash of just being done with this entire situation. I unfortunately catch her eye and we link telepathically. Her eyes are saying "Can you believe this?"

My eyes respond "I'd save you but I don't want his words touching the air around me."

I finish my stretch and sit back down. My friends are giggling like a bunch of girls drunk on box wine. He is rambling on about how corporate America is responsible for all the evils in the world. I hear a very loud sigh and she finally says:

"Look my friend set this up, I'm really tired from work and I don't want to sit here and watch you build this moral high ground mountain that you're apparently so intent on building. Have a great night best of luck."

You could hear the air leaving this man child's body as she got up and walked away. Disappearing into the crowd like a victorious warrior.

But that wasn't the end!

He gathered his thoughts and started making calls on his watch as loudly as possible so everyone could hear how important he is. He sat at that table nursing that one beer for an entire hour. Just being an in-the-way person, a person so repugnant that the wait staff didn't even come to his table. Oh and the cherry on top of the douche Sunday? He only tipped 10% on his bill.

- InsertCleverName79

Pokemon

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Couple years ago, I was tending bar at a high-end steak joint. A pretty brunette walked in and sat down at the bar. After fixing her a cocktail, I asked if she'd like to see a dinner menu. She explained that she was waiting for a date.

A few moments later, the guy arrived carrying a large bag.

It was immediately obvious this date was their first. Their conversation was lurching from forced to downright painful when he reached into the bag and pulled out an album containing...

...his Pokemon card collection.

He set the book on the bar and thumbed through each page, thoroughly and lovingly describing every card, attempting to educate his date in the ways of Japanese pocket monsters. I'll be fair to the guy - dude was passionate.

She feigned an emergency and called her friend to pick her up. He stayed and ate a plain hamburger at the bar. Both of these people were in their mid-30's.

- CaptainWisonsin

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