Mom And Stepdad Go Viral After Forcing Adult Daughter To Sign Contract To Live At Home—And People Are Divided

In today's economy, it's becoming more common than ever before for adult children to continue to live with their parents after they graduate from high school, while they work their first job, or even while they go to college. Others, just as commonly, will return to their parents' home after going away for college or an internship.

Understanding the financial benefits, and sometimes necessity, of this, some parents use this arrangement to support their children while still trying to teach them something about life, like asking them to pay a little bit of rent, to cover a bill, or to help with groceries, and typically take on a few more responsibilities around the house.

None of these shifts is too terribly taxing for a young adult, and it gives them a way to experience and explore being an adult without facing all of the responsibilities on their own for the first time, at the same time.

However, sometimes parents want to teach their children something, and they go over the top.

For example, Redditor Bitter_Art_4094 went to the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit seeking advice after catching a glimpse of the contract that her niece's mom and stepdad wanted her to sign before she could rent from them.

Here's a breakdown of the contract:

On the first page, the contract points out that the ability to continue to live at home is "a privilege, not a right," and if the needs of the contract are not met, the niece would have to make other living arrangements.

The niece would be required to make multiple payments per month, including a monthly rental fee of $200 with a possible $50 late fee, and a monthly cell phone charge of $100 with a possible $20 late fee.

She would also have to upkeep her living space and also assist with other chores around the home. Failure to complete these tasks according to daily and weekly schedules would result in a $5 "maid fee" charge per day.

In order to make these payments, the niece would be expected to keep the part-time job she currently had at the time of signing the contract while looking for a full-time job to replace the current workplace. If for some reason she lost her job, she would have to show proof of continuing her job search.

Finally, quiet hours have to be observed from midnight through 6:00 AM, as well as during standard working hours, and any noise in her living space must not disturb others.

You can see a screenshot of the first page of the contract below:

u/Bitter_Art_4094/Reddit

The second page interestingly explores personal conduct and relationships, including remaining respectful of others in the home and abstaining from "threats, violence, or abusive behavior."

The niece is also not allowed to have guests or visitors stay the night without prior approval, and guests otherwise have to vacate the premises by 10:00 PM.

Illegal activity is also addressed on the second page of the contract, stating that the contract can be immediately terminated if there are any suspicions of illegal drug or alcohol use by the niece or any of her possible guests.

Going back to the financial requirements on the first page, the niece is also required to maintain a savings account and save a certain amount of money per month, which has to be written into the contract. It's unclear if the parents would require access to her accounts to "prove" if she is saving that money or not.

Finally, the contract includes a breakdown of possible violation stages and ultimately, termination. Any violation of the contract, big or small, would result in a verbal warning, followed by a parental intervention meeting, then a written warning, and finally, termination of the contract, giving the niece three possible chances to resolve any conflicts.

But if she did not resolve them and found her contract being terminated, she'd have thirty days to pack up and move out.

You can see page 2 below:

u/Bitter_Art_4094/Reddit

Redditor Bitter_Art_4094 shared this two-page contract on the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit, explaining that she was concerned that these requirements were too over-the-top for a new adult, especially one who was "not very mature for her age."

Thinking back to her own problematic upbringing, the Original Poster (OP) was also concerned that this contract would put a strain on her niece's relationship with her parents and be detrimental to her mental health.

She asked the sub:

"Am I overreacting for thinking the contract that my niece said she had to sign in order to continue living at home is too harsh?"

The OP's niece was told that she would have to sign a contract if she wanted to continue living in her parents' home.

"I (aunt) need some outside perspective on a situation involving my niece and my sister/her stepdad."

"My niece showed me this 'contract' her mom and stepdad are making her sign to keep living at home."

"She told them she isn’t signing it because she doesn’t agree with it."

"They told her if she doesn’t sign it, she needs to move out."

The OP was certain that her niece did not need such an unforgiving contract.

"My niece is 20 but not very mature for her age. I’d say she's more like 15 to 16 years old emotionally."

"She has ADHD and depression."

"My niece isn’t out doing anything reckless or wild. I feel like she's just kind of lost right now and needs guidance and support more than anything."

"She also does have a part-time job (which is her first job) that she’s had for a while and picks up shifts when she can. Her parents expect her to replace this job with a full-time one eventually."

"I’m not against rules, chores, or contributing while living at home. That part makes sense to me. My 22-year-old son does all of this, and not by choice."

"But the way this is written feels really harsh. It reads like, 'Do everything right or you’re out.'"

"Things like 'living there being a privilege' and paying over $300 a month, plus other expectations that don’t seem to match where she’s at right now."

The OP respected what the parents were trying to do, but she still had concerns.

"I do understand what they’re trying to do. They want her to be more responsible and start becoming more independent."

"But I feel like this approach is more likely to push someone like her further into shutdown or instability, not help her grow."

"I also don’t think this is going to get them the results they are hoping for. It feels more like pressure than support."

"My sister says my niece doesn’t save money and spends a lot on DoorDash, and that she needs to learn responsibility."

"They also have her Ubering back and forth to work since she doesn’t have her license yet."

The OP couldn't help but think of her own childhood and dreaded the same thing happening to her niece.

"I’m worried this is going to do the same thing it did to me, where instead of getting support when I was struggling, I just got more pressure and criticism."

"That didn’t help me move forward at all. If anything, it kept me stuck longer than I needed to be."

"I'm also worried that this is going to destroy any type of relationship they have."

"She told me she feels like she has no choice but to sign it, and she’s 'over the bulls**t,' which honestly sounds to me more like she’s shutting down than anything else."

The OP felt conflicted about how to present her concerns in a meaningful way.

"Am I crazy for thinking this is pretty harsh for a 20-year-old still figuring things out, or is this actually more common than I realize?"

"Is this tough love that helps someone grow, or is it more likely to backfire?"

"And lastly, how do I bring this up to my sister without her shutting down?"

"I want to let her know how this reminds me of the emotional abuse we went through as kids with our own mom. I've been kind of like a mediator between them at times."

"My sister will usually hear what I have to say and take my advice, but other times, I feel like I can’t really say what I actually think, because my sister tends to shut down if she feels criticized, and I’m not sure how to approach this without that happening."

"AIO?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NOR: Not Overreacting
• YOR: You're Overreacting

Some side-eyed the situation, certain that there must be more going on with the niece than the OP was aware of or wanted to admit.

"I suspect if OP offers her housing, OP will be asking if it's reasonable for her to make her niece sign this contract within a year... There's a reason that this document exists." - GodisanAtheistOG

"The fact that there’s a specific rule about no threats, violence, or abusive behavior raises questions for me." - Stevie-Rae-5

"The contract specifies no violence and also no illegal activity. And the fact that the niece doesn’t agree with it gives me pause."

"There’s not really anything unreasonable about the requirements, so what doesn’t she agree with?" - janlep

"Did you notice the part about not unauthorized guests? That part is in bold and says it results in immediate termination of the living agreement, whereas everything else seems to result in warnings or some sort of escalation to that end."

"That seems to be the big no-no. That, to me, says something bad happened with someone she brought over."

"Either they have a really f**ked up criminal history, or they have some sort of serious beef with the family. Aunt sounds like she’s enabling crappy behavior." - andwhoami_

"I'm guessing the niece doesn’t want to sign, because she vapes, has friends over until 3:00 AM, and leaves a trail of dirty dishes in her wake?" - ToughResearcher1633

Others offered a more flippant reply, stating that the OP could offer her niece housing if she was going to be so critical of the contract.

"If you feel this is unreasonable, are you offering for her to live in your home without an agreement?" - Businss_Loquat5658

"OP, I need you to see this contract as the wakeup call that it is."

"ADHD is not something that incapacitates you from adhering to very simple rules."

"This contract exists because the niece has been doing much of nothing for the last two years, and the parents need an exit ramp." - Soushkabob

"YOR. OP can provide emotional support and help her with figuring out her life."

"Sounds like niece is spending $100s on DoorDash instead of saving. She’s only working part-time. Curious if she’s in school or something the rest of the time."

"If my adult child were still living at home at 20 years old and with no clear path in life, I think it’s time to tighten up the rules. Maybe mom is saving the money." - krpink

"Can you offer her housing? Because if she doesn’t sign this, she will need a place to live." - th987

Some tried to reassure the OP that, while the writing of the contract came across as dry and harsh, the contents of the contract itself were actually pretty reasonable.

"It is not the way I would hope to ever have to write a contract for my kid, but all the provisions seem fair. Even the money is okay. I'm the kind of parent who would put the rent money away and then give it back when she gets her own place, but I wouldn't expect everyone to do it."

"I am trying to think how I would feel if my parents made me sign something like this. I guess I would be hurt that they didn't trust me, but my guess is there is some reason they don't trust her." - melodypowers

"To me, the very fact that the parent is ok with weed and alcohol use so long as legal, that kind of tells me they aren’t being uptight and unreasonable; they’re just drawing very clear boundaries."

"And yes, it does clearly spell out that she could be kicked out for a number of violations, but really, that’s just spelling it out. It’s not an inappropriate ask/consequence to such behavior, and it's not even really insinuating that they expect their daughter to DO these things, just that there would be consequences if she ever did." - Goodgoditsgrowing

"My ADHD actually LOVES rules because they give me structure (which I very badly need) and following them is a little bit of a dopamine supply. Depression ALSO responds very well to rules, and accomplishment (which can be achieved by following these rules) can help bring a person out of their depression through feeling they have a purpose." - All_The_Bees

"As a 26-year-old with ADHD and depression, as much as I would’ve hated this at 22… the structure would’ve helped so much."

"I often cry that no one taught me how to be on a structured routine or taught me the importance of paying things on time, or that there will be consequences. It’s not harsh at all."

"With ADHD, we are often behind. I still feel emotionally 17, myself. So to have this at any age and have support to learn it, even if the stakes are as high as getting put out, is a blessing." - cee627

"If paying (incredibly low) rent and cleaning up after herself is 'too harsh,' she's not going to find any living situation that wouldn't require those two things at a minimum anyway."

"She can go get an apartment and a roommate, where she will also have to pay rent on time or incur late fees, and clean up after herself, or deal with roommate conflict and eventually lose either the place or the roommate when it becomes untenable."

"She's 20, so she's already been an adult for two years. If she'd been contributing to the household financially and cleaning up after herself, there's no way they would have suddenly introduced this agreement."

"She's obviously not doing those things, and if she doesn't start now, she won't be functional at her parents' home or anywhere else. This is far less harsh than sending her out into the world without having learned these lessons." - SummitJunkie7

As concerned as the OP was about how harsh the contract is and the message it might be sending her niece, the "Am I Overreacting?" subReddit felt that the OP and her niece had another thing coming.

It seemed that either the niece has some negative history, and this contract is forcing her to take accountability for it, or that the parents are simply anticipating possible actions they don't want to have happen in their home now that they'll be hosting an adult who is young and likely would want to have lots of new experiences.

Whatever the lore behind the contract actually is, it's a low-cost contract that would give the niece flexibility to save money for the future, it would teach her some new responsibilities, and the structure would assist in maintaining, and possibly improving, her ADHD symptoms and depression.