Who needs another season of Mr. and Mrs. Smith when Gramercy Park’s own Larry Schwartz and Joanna Cuccia are already serving action-comedy gold? At 87, Schwartz casually knocks out 240 reps a day and chases off watch thieves as if it were just another warm-up set.
And Larry Schwartz wasn’t about to let some Rolex-swapping grifter make him the punchline of a TikTok crime wave.
He gave a fair warning:
"You have an attitude? I'll give you an attitude. I was raised on the street."
Here’s what happened: the couple was minding their own business last week and heading to their local senior center at Gramercy Park when a stranger appeared, spinning the least convincing tourist excuse ever heard.
Ever so friendly, Cuccia tried to help:
“I'm from Dubai,' he said, 'I need directions. Could you give me directions?' I said, 'Welcome to New York. What directions do you need?' He said, 'Where could I go to find a Walmart?'”
New Yorkers everywhere collectively rolled their eyes—because if you’re looking for Walmart in Manhattan, you’re already lost. Joanna humored him, followed him to a car, and before she knew it, Larry was being pawed by the man’s female accomplice, who kissed his hands like a bad soap opera seductress.
Her move? A blatant bait-and-switch. She slipped a diamond-encrusted fake Rolex onto his wrist, hoping to make off with his real $48,000 watch.
Unfortunately for her, Schwartz isn’t your average retiree. The former Air Force paratrooper and amateur boxer has decades of muscle memory and wasn’t in the mood to play along.
He quipped:
"She thinks she's got a sucker, and she hands me this piece of sh** and I'm looking at it, and that's when a bell went off, I'm saying, 'This is a con.’”
Ding ding ding—Larry had just clocked the scam faster than she could fake a smile.
What followed was less “gentle senior citizen” and more “Rocky Balboa joins AARP.” Schwartz yanked her arm, twisted it “pretty good,” and kept both watches. She fell back into the getaway car while Larry walked away with his battered Rolex and a shiny counterfeit souvenir.
Schwartz humblebragged:
“She's got to have one hell of a sore arm… I also boxed amateur. I have 44 amateur fights, and so I'm not the average person, I know that.”
Looks like I’m calling my trainer tomorrow—because if Larry’s throwing punches at 87, I clearly need to step up my game.
You can watch the ABC 7 Eyewitness News segment below:
- YouTubeEyewitness News ABC7NY/YouTube
Police say they’re still hunting the suspects, described as a woman in her 30s and a man in his 40s. Surveillance footage showed them fleeing the scene, likely rethinking their life choices.
The internet, meanwhile, crowned Larry their new crime-fighting hero:
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Luxury watch theft isn’t just a quirky subplot in Larry and Joanna’s lives—it’s become a growing headache for New Yorkers. NYPD reports show burglaries and grand larcenies targeting high-end jewelry and watches have spiked in recent years, with organized crews often staging “bump-and-switch” cons just like this one.
Seniors are especially vulnerable because scammers often use fake friendliness—asking for directions, offering hugs, or pretending to need help—to get close enough to grab. It’s the kind of street act New Yorkers are all too familiar with, but in this case, the thieves chose the wrong person to target.
In the meantime, sweet Joanna Cuccia admitted the ordeal left her reluctant to help strangers again:
“It's unfortunate because I love New York, all my life I've helped tourists, but I won't do it again. I'm not as young as I was, and I'm not going to take that chance anymore, and it's a shame.”
Don’t worry, Joanna—New Yorkers everywhere are already saying what we’re all thinking: if you mess with Larry Schwartz, may God help your wrist.
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