Bald Men Are Up In Arms Over Viral Chart That Predicts Political Affiliation Based On A Man's Haircut

Can a man's haircut tell you his political affiliation? Scientifically, of course not... but we probably all have a gut feeling about it, regardless!

And a TikToker has followed that lead by developing a chart that predicts a man's political persuasion based on his hair alone—and bald men are NOT happy about it.

The chart is similar to the "horseshoe theory" of politics, in which the left-right political spectrum is shown as a horseshoe-shaped arc with a right-hand end denoting fascism and a left-hand end denoting a leftism so extreme it's basically fascism too.

And, well, that right-hand end denoting fascism? That's where bald men fall, according to the chart. And boy are bald men on the internet heated about it!

TikToker @trustdcritics shared the chart over the weekend, claiming that it's mostly spot on. As he put it:

"Based on my experience with male haircuts, I would say this is like 75 percent accurate. Where do you fall, is the question."

It certainly generated a lot of conversation.

The dead center of the chart, denoting liberal centrism, has what most would consider the standard white male haircut. Neat, tidy, side-swept, unremarkable.

To the left come the messier cuts, the manbuns, and the long flowing manes, with men's hair getting longer and wilder the farther left they go.

That is until you reach the end of the left side that starts to move toward communism—then you start getting into those "high and tight" type haircuts, with the scale hilariously ending on what appears to be the pate of Kim Jong Un.

@trustdcritics/TikTok

The right side is much more straightforward, going from the slicked-back look of corporate capitalist sociopaths like American Psycho's Patrick Bateman, to the buzzcuts beloved by neo-Nazis.

That is, until you get to the final stop: Full-on fascism with not a hair to be found on the head. Think psychopath-in-chief Stephen Miller. And, like, every Oakley sunglasses-wearing, flag-obsessed MAGA acolyte.

Now of course, there's nothing scientific about this, though depending on your sensibilities, it certainly FEELS true!

But as you might guess, bald men were NOT having any of this, especially since they've already lost their hair! They have enough problems!

As one TikTok user @kylepilling7 put it:

"Acting like I woke up one day and chose baldness."

And he was far from the only bald man who objected to being called a fascist.

Teddy/TikTok

noodlepup/TikTok

Kyle_the_Moose/TikTok

Folcon/TikTok

Holly/TikTok

RJ/TikTok

Others had other criticisms, like that some of these haircut definitions are out of date. For instance, one user pointed out that manbuns nowadays tend to be pretty far-right, like most crunchy-granola-oriented things these days.

for the amount to pay/TikTok

While others pointed out that not only are ALL of these haircuts white men, but the TikToker left out arguably the most iconic leftist revolutionary in history: shaggy-haired Che Guevara, whose 'do isn't even represented.

Joshua Najera/TikTok

Guess we need another pass at this haircut theory to truly find the accuracy!