We should all be taught at a very young age when to spot and know when to eradicate toxic people and behaviors.
Seriously... who needs yet another useless semester of PE? This is a life lesson just as viable as Home Ec. Heck, it should be part of the Home Ec curriculum. Oh wait, do they still have Home Ec?
We've been gaslit to take abuse, it's engrained in our DNA and psyche. Somethings are not normal and it's imperative to know when to say no.
Redditor u/Tizerkane wanted to discuss the things and behaviors we've fooled ourselves into believing are proper in life by asking:
What's something inherently toxic that is perceived as normal?
Abuse from in all forms is a big no. And toxicity is oozing from every aspect of life. We have to start cleaning it out of our minds. I've started with taking inventory in friendships. It's about quality, not quantity.
Hard Labor
Stressed Paper GIF by Two Mortgage GuysGiphy"Overworking."
"To add to this, the expectation that a hobby isn't worth having if you can't (or don't want to) monetize it."
Such an Intellect
"Asking a prospective employee to create a full on project or develop content specific to the position applied for. You might not get the job but the company has your intellectual property (and plenty are not above using it as their own)."
"Edit: Who knew? I just threw this out there because it happened to me. And I couldn't believe the balls out nerve of people asking me to create site-specific content to test my skills, which were well-documented by portfolio and easily verified. I guess I'm not the only one."
Rest is Necessary
"Going to work/school even if you're super sick or in pain, not having days off, being expected to have perfect attendance in school or at work... etc etc."
"My employer has a high turnover of staff. I'm considered an 'old timer' because I've been there two years and I'm actually employed by the company. They combat the high turnover with temp to perm agency staff. Impress the boss and you get employed."
"But the bar is set so ridiculously high for these guys they get dismissed and replaced on a weekly basis. One of the big reasons is guys calling in sick being dismissed because 'they're clearly time wasters. Humans get ill. We don't get sick pay where we work. If they're calling in sick they haven't made that decision lightly."
Torture
"I'm surprised nobody else has said sleep deprivation yet. Sleep deprivation literally causes brain damage to the part of the brain responsible for happiness and memory. There is a reason military regulation require soldiers be provided 8 hours of sleep. Because sleep deprivation is a form of torture."
Shut Up!
Yelling College Basketball GIF by BIG EAST ConferenceGiphy" Parents screaming at children during little league games."
Oof, so much awful can be traced back to our professional lives. A job, even a career is just that. A job or a career. You're not a slave to it. It's doesn't to own you. Why have we been taught to bow down to a boss? When we should be punching the boss.
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Say I Don't...
Read Modern Family GIF by PeacockTVGiphy"Making fun of or denigrating one's spouse in social situations. It's a crappy thing to do."
Speak Truthfully
"Not saying what you mean."
"I hate people that do this. Just say exactly what you mean please. Don't beat around the bush. Im not going to waste brain power trying to work out if you mean what you say or something else, and if it's something else I'm not going to bother working out what that is either."
Too Sweet
"The amount of sugar in everything."
"Worse: the amount of "stuff that is supposed to replace sugar" in everything. High Fructose Corn syrup, Partially hydrogenated something or other, imitation saccharine, etc. etc. Some of that stuff is even way worse than sugar."
"time and a half"
"In my industry (manufacturing), mandatory overtime. Pre-covid, it was totally normal for people to have to work 50+ hours a week, sometimes 7 days a week for months at a time. The whole point of "time and a half" was to discourage companies from making people work more than 40 hours regularly. And yet, for most of 2018 and 2019, people like my father in law had to use PTO to be off on a Saturday or Sunday."
- smp501
Run Fast
Joanne The Scammer Running GIF by Super DeluxeGiphy"I feel like a lot of "Never turn your back on family" rhetoric is used by abusive people that think they shouldn't face consequences for their bullcrap."
The Hustle...
"Toxic "Hustle Culture": the idea that every moment you're awake, you need to be constantly achieving your goals and getting further in life. Please don't get me wrong: the idea that creating a side hustle, passion project or business on your own is fantastic and should never been discouraged."
"What I'm referring to is this attitude that ANY time not spent furthering your goals is a complete waste. Reading a book? Better make sure it's about an applicable skill for the future. Got two hours to spare? By the stars you better make sure to use them learning coding or a new language."
"It makes me cross because it's a fundamentally dangerous attitude that is advertised to younger folk, especially to those just entering their first jobs out of school or university. Burnout is a real issue that can cause exhaustion and isn't healthy. What really gets my goat is how it's an attitude permeated by companies. It's the whole "there's always someone hungrier than you, better do more to prove yourself."
"To quote Bill Watterson: "as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of someone's worth". It's an easy attitude to push: you keep the new workforce with a mind to work harder than each other to get more, which only discourages them from banding together for fundamental rights like healthcare or PTO. So if you took the time to read this, read a book YOU want, play a game or watch a series that YOU fancy. Not every moment has to be preparing for a never ending future."
I'm Sick
"I don't know about other places but in the US, Internships that delegate actual business responsibilities to interns but don't pay them. If your intern calling in sick would disrupt your workflow they're not an intern they're an employee and they deserve a wage."
A Gamble
"Loot boxes and all forms of in-app, in-game purchases that are just dressed up gambling. Introducing minors to gambling with real money for the chance of unlocking that awesome character is pretty sick. Let's trigger gambling addiction in minors because our game is free and its the only way we can make money!"
Better off Enemies
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Not having boundaries with family, particularly between parents and their adult children. I can't believe how frequently "...but they're family!" is used to rationalize and justify disrespect, manipulation, and various forms of abuse."
"they love each other"
"Hating your partner/spouse. It's the dynamic of like 90% of on-screen relationships, that the couple have nothing in common and don't share interests and never do anything together without fighting constantly but "they love each other" so all the toxic, manipulative behavior gets played off for laughs or proof of how "strong" they are. Your partner should be your best friend. You should want to spend time with them. You should enjoy being around them. You should look forward to seeing them when you're apart."
Under Pressure
"The inherent pressure to make your job into your life. I come from a south East Asian country where this is extremely normal especially in the more traditional toxic workplaces. Had a manager go on a rant about how us juniors were young and could afford to work hard, he then proceeded to compare us to other seniors who used to work until 12am everyday to learn the ins and outs of the business."
"Then saying that we should be like them and bragged about how he only used to sleep four hours a day back when he was starting out. My direct manager herself made me work at home despite being on sick leave and recovering from a nasty bout of fever. Just asked how I was feeling before diving straight into 'can you work from home now since you're not feeling too bad'."
Being Casual
"Casual peer pressure. I already said no twice to your offer of a drink, shut up. Ironically, my mom was deathly afraid of it when I was a teenager; some dealer would assuredly convince me to try bad bad drugs but now she's the worst offender."
"Are you me? My parents and older relatives made me terrified of peer pressure as a kid but now I can't be at any social function without them pretty much shoving alcohol in my hand. It's weird how persistent they are and how they act literally offended when I say no."
Cheers...
Over It Drinking GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Wine mom" culture. It's not cute, it's not quirky. "Mama needs a drink" isn't a personality trait."
- the_itz
Makes my skin crawl...
"This is just me, but my mom is manipulative. It's very subtle, but also very effective. She could easily be the nicest person on the planet, but instead chooses to use her incredible skill to get her way and be petty. I didn't notice it until recently and I've lived with her my entire life. Up until last year I didn't know why I couldn't stand to be around her."
I Hate You
"Don't speak ill of the dead"
"Literally why? if someone was a bad person, then dying doesn't wipe off their sins."
Learn to run, and fast. When it doesn't feel right, trust it. Sometimes it's ok to not be ok or to be alone. Sometimes it's ok to not know every answer. The unknown is better than suffering because we're just used to it.
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