Not every relationship is meant to last forever, but even knowing this, it's often shocking to people to see an iconic couple break up.
But usually at least one person in the relationship knew that the breakup was coming, even if the sign was subtle to others.
Bracing themselves, Redditor cha-charms asked:
"What are the signs that you're falling out of love with your partner?"
Unwelcome Home
"Going home to them makes you anxious instead of excited."
- AdTotal801
"I was once in a relationship where I would lie about sales appointments in the evening just to get a few more hours away instead of being anxious and upset with her. I wasn't cheating, nothing f**ked up or anything, I just stayed out."
- turbo_fried_chicken
"F**k, top comment and everything. I was going to say, 'When work is preferable to home' is a good litmus test for lots of situations, but I like yours better."
- RCrumbDeviant
Not Your Default Person
"You don’t want to share your thoughts, experiences, and memories with them anymore."
- throw123454321purple
It Starts With The Little Things
"You can tell when you are not interested in the little things to make them happy. Like making them a snack, or the little nice text messages, or random non-sexual physical affection, or doing one of their chores for them; all unprompted."
"Arguably you could say that you are starting to no longer care about their happiness."
- jjcnc82
Making The Choice
"I remember reading an article years ago about arranged marriages v. Love matches and how most arranged marriages end up happier because the mindset is that you have to choose to make it happy every day. Where love matches people, people believe that the magic is just intrinsic."
"I have no clue how accurate it is, but I remind myself often to choose to make my partner happy."
- Thayli11
"All you can do is give it your best and show love regardless of how much you're receiving. I do believe that it's effective in reminding the other person how nice it can be to receive. I think things fall apart when you start withholding love because you don't feel you're receiving enough of it."
"Obvious exceptions, like in abusive situations, but it works for me."
- SWatersmith
A Change In Expression
"The way he looked at me changed... Heartbreaking. Honestly."
- abundantgloria
"I currently feel this. He just doesn't look at me the same anymore."
- Remarkable_Sir2614
"Me and my girlfriend had the same problem for a while. We both thought we started looking at each other differently, and we actually did. Turns out it started because of some personal problems we both had, and then it just went from there."
"After a while, I told her what I think about the situation, we talked and found out we still wanted to look at each other the old way, we just both though that the other don't want to. We've been back to normal since then."
"So if you hadn't already, just tell him how you feel and what you think. It might not be the same situation as mine, but at least you'll know."
- segson9
Lack Of Attraction
"You don’t want to be intimate with them anymore. That was my first sign."
- DryExpression511
"It happened to me. I was physically repulsed by the thought of having sex with him, and I didn't want him to touch me even. It's not that I didn't want those things at all, I just didn't want them FROM HIM."
- wrecklessoptimism
Annoying Quirks
"Not enjoying spending time with your partner. Feeling irritated by your partner's presence, quirks, and habits. Losing interest in what's going on in your partner's life."
- LoveLustEnchantress
"Eh, quirks and habits eventually get annoying no matter who you stay close to for too long. That said, failing to acknowledge that as just quirks and turning that into problems or exaggerations is an issue."
- The_Peregrine_
Just Another Chore
"Spending time with them starts to feel like an obligation or a chore."
- PewpyDewpdyPantz
"Is this a sign of falling out of love, or a need to have personal time for yourself? I get that feeling off and on but I always go back. When you live in a small apartment with someone, spend every non-working hour with them, and do everything together, sometimes you need a break from spending time together."
- Ace_of_Clubs
Learn To Know The Difference
"I just want to add that a healthy long-term relationship can go through cycles where your feelings wax and wane, sometimes with different feelings in different directions. Don't immediately assume your love is diminishing because, believe me, it can come roaring back even stronger after a period of less interest."
"Being appreciative makes life worthwhile, but oftentimes it's impossible to hold that view 24/7. Sometimes, you have to get a bit lost in the weeds before understanding the true value of what you have."
- extropia
Any Excuse Will Do
"You make excuses to avoid them."
- NervousSeagull
"I once specifically asked for the old school stitches that have to be removed (as opposed to the ones that melt away) so I could avoid going on a week-long trip with my (then) husband, his mother, and his son. The excuse that 'I have to have my stitches removed' went down like a lead balloon."
"But I got my week of freedom with just me and my dog and it was worth every uncomfortable moment of getting those dang things out."
- Sostle_81
Like A Stranger
"You stop sharing anything about yourself or your day because you don’t want them to know anything about you anymore. You cherish time away from them. You dread being with them."
"Everything about them annoys you. You don’t want to be intimate with them anymore. You do anything to pacify them or get them to leave you alone."
"You busy yourself with work, chores, childcare, or other reasonable responsibilities that keep you away from them. You feel complete indifference to their existence."
- Njbelle-1029
The Slow Burn Of Resentment
"Even though I loved and cared for them, I dreaded seeing them and I began to resent them."
"I should have left WAY sooner and it was mean of me to stay and try to make it work for so long. I was very angry at things they did early on but it was 'the best relationship I've had,' so I made excuses to stay."
- signalfaradayfromme
When The Mask Is Lifted
"I can't stand the sight of him. It happened when I overheard him bad-mouthing me to my doctor when I was admitted to emergency with a near-death illness."
"I never got over it because it was a deep betrayal that I never expected. Now I know who he really is. There were so many other things along the way that I overlooked but this was the end."
- Substantial-Bag5141
Misophonia, But Just For Them
"The sound of them eating makes you want to thrust a red hot poker into their eye socket."
- PoopMousePoopMan
"With my ex, every little thing piled up: the way he clanked the cup when stirring his coffee forever, his mouth sounds, everything. It’s not the sounds in themselves, but where they were coming from."
- sylphrena83
The Opposite Of Love... Is Indifference
"Having a sense of dread about them. You dread having to spend time with them. You dread getting a text from them. You dread having to talk to them or call them or saying, 'I love you' to them."
"You may not notice it, but it's been a long time since you've initiated anything. You might also have someone else in mind that you'd rather tell first whenever you have something to talk about or something to do."
"You're watching the clock for when you get to leave and you never linger even a little once time's up. There's no lovey-dovey goodbyes, you're already off and running. You tell them you 'fell asleep' very often (this is not an accidental once or twice, this is on purpose) whenever you miss or ignore their texts/calls."
"The future looks bleak with them. The future looks better alone."
"You don't want to work things out. There isn't anything to work because, really, you just don't like them. (You might have more frequent arguments, but oddly, this is the one thing I'd say varies between couples when one or both fall out of love.)"
"Things that matter to them don't take up space in your mind anymore. Forgetting their birthday, forgetting plans you made together, forgetting to tell them stuff that's happening in your life. When they're talking to you, it's easy for you to space out, miss what they're saying, and generally be disengaged. You might even walk away from them on accident because you're not thinking of checking if they're still behind you or not."
"Anyways, to anyone falling out of love, I recommend you break up quickly once you feel certain you no longer want to have that relationship. It's h**l for the person to watch you slip away like this if they still like you."
"I'll also make it a point to mention that I've been the person who watched someone slip away and have been the person who has slipped away from other people. You just have to work up the strength and end it clearly without mincing words, because it'll blow up eventually. It's never easy to tell someone they're not right for you, but it must be done. If you want something to be over, then the onus is on you to end it."
"The only time you may be able to get away with not doing anything is if your partner is also slipping away from you and not texting/calling/reaching out at all. That's rare but if it happens, you can either let it fade or send a quick text after a while to clarify it's done."
- 888277499991
It's important to note that many of these phenomena, like being annoyed with how people eat, aren't necessarily signs of a relationship falling apart or someone falling out of love. The important distinction is if the feeling is new; if someone used to tolerate their partner's chewing but can't anymore, that could be a sign.
The most important thing is to notice what has changed and what seems to have caused it.
Then, the person can decide if it's time to move on or if it's something worth working on.
