No one wants to go to Hell, for obvious reasons.
While that opens up an entire platitude of religious and philosophical discussions we're not going to get into, we'll redirect and instead jump right to the more important topic.
What do you eat when you go down below?
What's Satan serving up for you on a silver platter? Or platter made of flaming skulls?
Reddit user, yellowbush7, wanted to know what you're eating when you cross the fiery gates when they asked:
"You’re in Hell. What’s for dinner ?"
Some of the suggestions people had felt strangely close to home, as in, we might already be eating straight out of hell here on planet Earth.
Something So Close To Home
"The most delicious grilled burgers that taste like nothing because covid has ruined my ability to enjoy food....Please tell me I'm not really in hell and this will end."
malmode
"Ha! My favorite meal is rack of lamb with a side of mint jelly. We had bought it for my birthday in 2020. The day before my bday I lose my taste and have to eat it wothout tasting it at all. I feel your pain. A $200.00 rack of lamb wasted."
Thewormfrommars
And It Won't Work Tomorrow. Or The Day After.
"McDonalds ice cream, but the machine isn't working today."
chriswaco
We've All Been To This Restaurant
"A salad swimming in dressing."
DrZurn
"slightly warm dressing"
_coffee_
"And what's that?"
"The devil didn't shake the bottle, so it didn't mix entirely, leaving the salad uneven and devil laughing."
untakenu
You're Rushing Out The Door, Getting Ready For School...
"Toothpaste for the main course. Orange juice to wash it all down"
param_T_extends_THOT
I've Been To This Wedding Before
"Steam table “grilled” chicken with some kind of slimy tendon in one half. Over cooked vegetables. Unseasoned mashed potatoes. Rock hard butter. No salt or pepper at the table. Only the original Tabasco for seasoning. Dessert is some kind of soggy, chilled cake. The only thing to drink is heavily iced water in a goblet, so much ice that your cup is basically dry after 2 sips, and there are no straws."
"The waiter refills your glass from a pitcher that is 99% ice every time the ice in your glass starts to melt. Some old person next to you keeps asking “aren’t you hungry?” and complaining about wasted food."
"I love food, I am not picky, but this meal is served at every Midwestern wedding and corporate meeting event and it’s so, so gross. I’ll eat almost anything, and I usually leave these things hungry."
TerribleAttitude
It is hell, after all. Why wouldn't you dine from the most bizarre, groan-inducing, mind-breaking meals ever made.
I'm Already Tired Thinking About It
"Mayonnaise. Just a bowl full of it."
"Except you have to eat it with a straw."
256dak
Somehow It's Spicy
" sand, but it's spicy and it gets stuck in your teeth somehow and you have nothing to drink with it. Bonus points if it's somehow moldy"
Acomdata
"Turns out it is mixed with loved one’s ashes"
Chubuwee
For Now. For Forever.
"A Beef Wellington, cooked to perfection. With a side of perfect garlic mashed potatoes and a side of tender asparagus with hollandaise sauce. It’s served with a nice Chianti red wine. Dessert is an ice cream sunday."
"It is all served by a very gracious and kind Gordon Ramsay, who attends to your every need, and who is eager to explain his signature dish."
"The next night, the experience is repeated. And the next, and the next."
"Finally, one night, you express that maybe you would prefer another dish. Gordon tut-tuts and explains that you are here in his signature restaurant, to have his signature dish."
"Each day, you try to push, and Ramsay pushes back, harder. Until one day, you find yourself nose to nose with an incredibly angry Gordon screaming spittle into your face. You realize you have a slice of bread pressed to each ear."
"And it dawns on you that the best Beef Wellington you’ve ever tasted will be the last thing you eat…. For eternity."
calladus
They Make You Hate What You Love
"I love popcorn."
"Hell would have all the popcorn I would want, perfectly seasoned and oil."
"No other food, just popcorn. No variety. No water."
"The salt and oil would slowly burn my throat. My stomach would be ill and my head would ache."
"Hell would make me hate my favorite food, and then offer some more."
Atticus104
Don't. Touch. The. Dog. Satan.
"Your own dog."
rambotie
"The only seasoning: your tears."
untakenu
Gross. Gross. No. Gross.
"There’s a thread right now about intestinal worms and someone made a comment, 'add some soy sauce and chow down.'"
"That."
FourWordComment
Not A Lot Of Big Things, But A Lot Of Little Things
"'Ah yes, I see you're just in time for dinner', says Satan devilishly."
"'Take a seat and I'll let our chef know that you've arrived'."
"'well damn, this place isn't that bad' I mutter to myself as I sit down in a chair that has one leg slightly short than the others."
"The table is slightly on an angle and the floor is made of uneven brimstone,makijg just about everything in Satan's dining room off kilter."
"'For your first meal' Satan loudly declares through the rotting gaps in his teeth. 'slightly chilled fried eggs that are both burnt on the edges and cold in the middle, paired with soggy toast and a side of bacon that is 100% stringy fat'."
"'This is going to be a long eternity' I say to myself with a heavy sigh as I attempt to undo the individually vacuum sealed pieces of wooden cutlery that seem to be teeming with splinters."
MenstruatingMuffin
Maybe we should all start performing good deeds to one another, huh?
Just in case.
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