The CEO Of Starbucks Just Gave A Mind-Numbing Defense For Charging $9 For Coffee 'Experience'—And People Aren't Having It

What's the absolute most you'd ever agree to pay for a coffee? If you said the absurd amount of $9, you're apparently Starbucks' ideal customer.

The coffee chain's CEO Brian Niccol is getting dragged on the internet for insisting that $9 is a perfectly reasonable price for a cup of joe.

And his justification is even worse than the concept itself: For starters, at least it's not $10! (Yes, he actually said this.)

But more importantly, Niccol says people aren't really even going to Starbucks for a coffee. They're going for the "experience." LOL okay, Brian!

Niccol's comments came during an interview on the Wall Street Journal's "What's News" podcast, which was titled, ironically, "How Starbucks Is Dodging Dismal Consumer Sentiment."

Let's just say that goal pretty much blew up in Niccol's face when he described how worth-it a $9 coffee is.

He told the WSJ that the way Starbucks has been bouncing back from a major decline in consumer goodwill is by offering a "really affordable premium experience."

“What we’re seeing is people, they want to have a special experience. And regardless of what your income level is, in some cases, a $9 experience does feel like you’re splurging."

"...And then in other cases, people believe, ‘Well, this is a really affordable premium experience’, because they’re saying like, ‘Well, it’s less than $10 and I get a really premium experience’."

Bri Bri, it's a plastic cup full of sugar syrup and coffee, not a Mercedes. Maybe we rein it in a bit!

But Niccol says that this sentiment comes directly from interviews with customers, not off the top of his own dome.

“When we’ve spent the time talking to customers... they do talk about how they use their Starbucks experience as a moment of escapism."

And customers probably did say that. However, what Niccol seems not to be grasping is that virtually nobody is actually comfortable spending nine gol'dang dollars on a coffee.

People are willing to because they have no choice, because every company in America seems to have adopted a business model of gouging people with constantly skyrocketing prices that they then blame on "inflation."

But nobody agrees that $9 for a coffee is fair or reasonable. They're just willing to pay it now and then because a bespoke coffee is one of the few joys left in our American hellscape!

And that's before we even address the twin elephants in the room: Nobody can afford anything anymore, and Niccol, the guy who thinks a $9 cup of coffee is a "really affordable luxury," made $96 million in his first four months at Starbucks.

As you might guess, Niccol was quickly raked over the proverbial coals for his $9 coffee diatribe.

Of course the other uncomfortable elephant in the room is that Starbucks and every other company only gets away with this nonsense because so many of us keep being willing to pay it.

Regardless, Mr. Niccol, if you're reading this: Next time just lean into the microphone and yell "let them eat cake." It will save us all a lot of time and effort.