As the song says, breaking is hard to do.
While having your heart broken by the person you love is devastating, it's just as difficult for the person who still has affection for you to decide to end things.
Curious to hear why some people left the ones they truly loved, Redditor Additional-Put-1921 asked:
"Those who’ve left partners that you still loved, what caused you to leave?"
A Bad Habit
"My drug addiction. It wasn't her fault, but I needed help. She deserved better, and I knew that if I stayed with her or around any of the people familiar to me, I would fall into that familiar pattern and never get clean."
"I've been clean for 5 years and 8 months, and I miss her a lot, but I did what I had to do."
– anon
"Her drug addiction. And while I would have chased her down the hole if it were just me trying to pull her out, we have children, and someone had to be the adult. The kids are doing great these days."
– Germangunman
Bad Temper
"His anger problem."
– ljcallahan1
"This was my reason for leaving too. I would’ve had a very terrible life with him..sigh."
– Ok-Worldliness-6096
"I'm dealing with the same issue. She responds to even small problems with rage. She hid the problem well for years but now the mask is off. Anger is who these people are, down to the core."
– MochiMochiMochi
Trust Issues
"Caught him lying a couple times. Not even about big things like drugs, finances, or cheating. He’d just lie about stupid sh*t. He’d say one thing and then lie and say he never said it. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Dumped him. Loved him a lot but I will not date a liar."
"Edit: He was also dumber than a pet rock, but I would have been willing to overlook that if that were the only issue."
– OffModelCartoon
"This is my story too. Small white lies led to me not trusting anything. I'm normally so secure and it created something like anxiety, I suppose? I'm 5 months removed and still have moments where I defend her."
"I guess I just realize how critical complete trust truly is for me. Really sucks because she is an incredible person outside of this."
– Lofton09
Deal-Breaker
"She wanted kids, I didn't and still don't. It was the right choice."
– i-like_rusty-spoons
"Yeah that was the right choice. Havjng or not having kids is something that cannot be compromised on. Nobody should have kids when they don’t truly want them, nor should be withheld from having them if they truly want them. There is no middle ground."
"It’s best to end things before one does chooses to do what they don’t want just to please their partner, and ultimately regret it in the long run. Sometimes people change their minds as time goes on, but if you are certain of your choice, best not to Try."
"That’s one of the first things you should Discuss when starting to date someone. If you are split on it, best not to even try to continue the relationship."
– Chocolatelover4ever'
"I knew I couldn’t marry or have kids with him when his family was racist, and he never stood up for me in the 3.5 years we were together. We stayed friends for a long time, but it was the best decision I could’ve made. We’re both happy with other people now."
– my-anonymity
"As awful as it sounds, he had a low paying job that he loved, with no ambition to make more money. He was happy right where he was, which in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, it just doesn’t work for me."
"Having a low wage, paycheck-to-paycheck existence is simply not a lifestyle I live, so we eventually parted ways."
– agen_kolar
Incompatibility
"He was impossible to compromise with, as much as I tried. Couldn’t handle an iota of criticism. We would argue in circles until I would accept defeat. I felt incredibly unheard and alone. I might have been wrong a lot, but I find it impossible that in 7 years I was 100% wrong 100% of the time."
– Ehgender
"That's narcissism. They'll argue in nothing but logical fallacies, shift the topic to something you (may or may not have done) to hurt them months or years ago, never admit fault, etc, etc."
"Let me guess. He never asked you any deep, personal questions like how you thought/felt about certain things, and never discussed his, or asked you about your hopes, dreams, fears?"
– Slappy-Sugarwood
"Exactly."
"We tried being 'friends' afterwards but I stopped taking his calls when the pattern of him never asking about my life during hour-long conversations became clear. I would wait my turn just for it to never come. I had spent that whole relationship waiting my turn."
– Ehgender
Toxic Situation
"She cheated and tried to hide it from me."
– Ok_Mycologist9380
"To put it simply, loving him came from a place of deceit and manipulation. He's not the person he showed me. He's the person my instinct told me from the very beginning."
– cryanide_
"I think many people leave relationships even though they still love them. It’s insane to me that people think love is enough to hold a relationship together. It’s not."
– free-toe-pie
"He cheated on with my roommate in my bed two weeks before the wedding and then tried to gaslight me into believing I would never do better than him. Jokes on him I am now married to a doctor who treats me like a queen. He is married to a perpetually pregnant mega karen who controls his every move."
– rowenaravenclaw0
Not Worth The Investment
"I chose to stop being considerate in a place I wasn’t considered."
"It was slow and happened over time, and he wondered why I stopped doing a lot of the things I did at the beginning of the relationship. It’s a tale as old as time but people often forget it’s their own actions and refusing to reverse bad habits or even meet in the middle that makes a relationship fall apart."
"The more he refused to take accountability and was defensive or deflective instead of trying to be understanding, the more I pulled back. Eventually I was met with a wall with no place left to turn, so I left."
"It was hard for awhile but the freedom I felt a few months later was well worth it."
– Deleted_User404_
"He wasn’t consistent with anything he had a lot of good have baked ideas but no success in pulling them off, even when I supported every dream he had."
"He was a liar and a cheat . Of course I didn’t know I had to be a detective and once I became a detective, I realize I don’t need to really find anything even if I did just having to play detective said everything so I was out!!"
– Appropriate-Depth435
Sometimes, The Stars Just Don't Align
"The distance. We were one of those couples who thought we would make it, and then we didn't. It felt like the wrong choice for quite a while, but looking back, we chose what was best for both of us, and I have no regrets."
– volumus
"Me too. The break up didn’t hurt any less. I had my doubts as well over whether it was the right thing. Distance sucks."
"Overall it was the right choice though as I found out he had told guys at parties in my home town that my best friend was hotter … whilst I was there at said party 😆"
– Bubbly_North_2180
"I love the hell out of my ex-husband to this day. Leaving him felt like losing a limb. The problem was never love or lack thereof; it was the cold hard fact that I don’t get comfortable or complacent, and am always striving for what’s next."
"He really liked his comfort zone, which was working in the service industry on night shifts. We just….diverged. We had had so many plans together, but it was all talk on his part, and I just got disappointed."
– Hannhfknfalcon
Relationships are complicated.
People also have varying tolerance levels and breaking points determining when it's time to go.
Have you had to make the tough decision to leave someone you loved? If so, why?
When reflecting on the exes who've left you, can you respect their decision to leave now compared to then?
