Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

People Share Grossly Oversimplified Versions Of Their Job Description

When people ask me what my job is, I always tell them that I get paid to talk mad sh*t on the internet. Sure, there's a lot more to it but that's the gist, right?


When it comes down to it, a lot of us have careers or jobs that can be boiled down to something that sounds a little bit bonkers. Reddit user NazgulMarmot (which is a great mental picture, by the way) posed a challenge to Reddit:

Grossly oversimplify your job description. What is it?

People were totally down to play, and it turns out a lot of us have jobs that kind of make no sense when you reduce things to their simplest terms. See if you can figure out what these people do base on their descriptions - and enjoy some of the guesses Reddit users had.

Management

I'm paid to be nice while people yell at me.

Hotelmanager. It is a lot of fun though, people love my stories at parties. They gather round like I'm telling stories by a camp fire.

- Drew-

Gently

I crash planes as softly as possible.

- onebatch_twobatch

A polite terrorist?

- CarnivalCave

I'm an aircraft commander/pilot.

- onebatch_twobatch

A Barista And The Magic Beans

Giphy

I sell people magic beans to help them stay awake.

- luckyninja110

Drug dealer?

- Robots914

Barista?

- onetwo4four5

So your a drug-dealing barista?

- Mattx8y

Just Guessing

I guess what numbers are going to be.

- queuedUp

You sit at a bar in Oregon and play digital keno?

- JesusUmlette

Data / Analytics - Forecasting?

- Not_Lane_Kiffin

Yes! Ding Ding Ding!

- queuedUp

Maybe Blood?

Put things into people, get things out of people. Then: laugh about some random shit. And maybe blood.

- MercutioElessar

Porn star?

- sendboobiepics

ER nurse lol.

- MercutioElessar

You Just Said That

I listen to people and tell them about what they just told me.

- AyoRobo

Therapist?

- Fungi0528

Consultant?

- UristImiknorris

Nah, Just a student.

- AyoRobo

Chef Grandma

I'm everyone's Grandma. Only angry, sleep deprived, over caffeinated and at times intoxicated. I'm a restaurant chef.

- _Monotropa_Uniflora

That does sound like my grandma...

- Glyphcreep

Bang Bang Bang

I hit plastic

- QenesQenes

Preschooler?

- runawayoldgirl

Programmer.

- Qenes

Close Enough

I make copies.

- Klaudiapotter

Cloning technician?

- Robots914

Photocopier operator?

- Wyrmczar

Close enough, I'm a secretary.

- Klaudiapotter

Better Numbers

Giphy

You give me numbers I give you better numbers

- JamesJosiah

Number repair technician?

- robots914

Corrupt lotto official?

- Soberasabird1

Data analyst, you tell me what machines you've got and how much you use them I'll tell you what parts you need on the shelf

- JamesJosiah

More from Trending/best-of-reddit

Donald Trump
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Trump Blasted For Announcing New Additions To The White House Lawn As Global Tensions Escalate

President Donald Trump was criticized after announcing that two new flagpoles would be added to the North and South Lawns of the White House—not the greatest look amid heightened global unease as tensions between Israel and Iran ramp up.

According to the Associated Press, Trump watched as a crane installed the newest flagpole on the South Lawn, remarking, “It’s such a beautiful pole.” He later returned to the site to salute as the American flag was raised for the first time.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshots of Donald Trump from CNN supercut
CNN

Trump Mocked For 'Two Weeks' Iran Deadline With Supercut Of All His 'Two Weeks' Promises

President Donald Trump has a history of promising to resolve problems within "two weeks," and a new viral supercut mocks him for all the times he's said as much—including right now with tensions in the Middle East higher than ever.

Trump said Thursday he will decide within two weeks whether to involve U.S. forces directly in the escalating conflict between Israel and Iran, citing what he called a “substantial chance” for renewed nuclear negotiations with Tehran.

Keep ReadingShow less
red flag with pole on seashore
Seoyeon Choi on Unsplash

People Break Down The 'Silent Red Flags' Folks Tend To Ignore In Relationships

A red flag has come to mean any warning sign in life, in addition to the literal red flags that are placed on beaches or industrial sites to warn people of danger.

People will respond to situations by saying, "That’s a red flag." But before that language evolved, they'd just call them "warning signs."

Keep ReadingShow less
Ted Cruz; Tucker Carlson
The Tucker Carlson Show

Tucker Carlson And Ted Cruz Get Into Shouting Match Over Iran In Bonkers Interview Clip

Texas Republican Senator Ted Cruz—a harsh Donald Trump critic-turned-MAGA minion—sat down with fired Fox News personality Tucker Carlson for the conservative influencer's self-produced online content,The Tucker Carlson Show, for the Tucker Carlson Network.

On Tuesday, Carlson shared a 1.5-minute clip revealing that things got contentious when the pair touched on the Trump administration's escalating tensions with Iran.

Keep ReadingShow less
Donald Trump; Barack Obama
Suzanne Plunkett-Pool/Getty Images; Scott Olson/Getty Images

Resurfaced Trump Tweet Criticizing Obama Over Iran Comes Back To Bite Him

Amid tensions with Iran, President Donald Trump was criticized for hypocrisy after social media users resurfaced a 2013 tweet in which he accused former President Barack Obama of planning an attack on Iran because of his "inability to negotiate properly."

Trump has declined to clarify whether the U.S. is edging closer to launching strikes on Iran’s nuclear facilities, following a warning from Iran’s supreme leader against any attack and a rejection of Trump’s demand for surrender.

Keep ReadingShow less