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People Share Grossly Oversimplified Versions Of Their Job Description

Erica Diaz
By Erica DiazJan 17, 2020
Erica Diaz
Have you ever read something where you just KNOW the writer talks with their hands, does the sound effects, and would bust out a little dance if it suited the story? That's Erica. She's a colorful storyteller whose sense of humor and fearless honesty make a big impact. Her rants might go for the emotional jugular, hit your funny bone, or shock you and your mama out of your fajas. Usually it's all three. Often chronicling her life in Florida, her stories are full of characters like "Bikini Rifle Lady", "Mariachi Neighbor," and "Barbara The NextDoor Evangelist." There's almost always a message in the madness, and that's what people connect with most. Also her deep and undying love for Tevin Campbell. You can find more of her work at www.EricaFazio.com
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When people ask me what my job is, I always tell them that I get paid to talk mad sh*t on the internet. Sure, there's a lot more to it but that's the gist, right?

When it comes down to it, a lot of us have careers or jobs that can be boiled down to something that sounds a little bit bonkers. Reddit user NazgulMarmot (which is a great mental picture, by the way) posed a challenge to Reddit:

Grossly oversimplify your job description. What is it?

People were totally down to play, and it turns out a lot of us have jobs that kind of make no sense when you reduce things to their simplest terms. See if you can figure out what these people do base on their descriptions - and enjoy some of the guesses Reddit users had.

Management

I'm paid to be nice while people yell at me.

Hotel manager. It is a lot of fun though, people love my stories at parties. They gather round like I'm telling stories by a camp fire.

- Drew-

Gently

I crash planes as softly as possible.

- onebatch_twobatch

A polite terrorist?

- CarnivalCave

I'm an aircraft commander/pilot.

- onebatch_twobatch

A Barista And The Magic Beans

Giphy

I sell people magic beans to help them stay awake.

- luckyninja110

Drug dealer?

- Robots914

Barista?

- onetwo4four5

So your a drug-dealing barista?

- Mattx8y

Just Guessing

I guess what numbers are going to be.

- queuedUp

You sit at a bar in Oregon and play digital keno?

- JesusUmlette

Data / Analytics - Forecasting?

- Not_Lane_Kiffin

Yes! Ding Ding Ding!

- queuedUp

Maybe Blood?

Put things into people, get things out of people. Then: laugh about some random shit. And maybe blood.

- MercutioElessar

Porn star?

- sendboobiepics

ER nurse lol.

- MercutioElessar

You Just Said That

I listen to people and tell them about what they just told me.

- AyoRobo

Therapist?

- Fungi0528

Consultant?

- UristImiknorris

Nah, Just a student.

- AyoRobo

Chef Grandma

I'm everyone's Grandma. Only angry, sleep deprived, over caffeinated and at times intoxicated. I'm a restaurant chef.

- _Monotropa_Uniflora

That does sound like my grandma...

- Glyphcreep

Bang Bang Bang

I hit plastic

- QenesQenes

Preschooler?

- runawayoldgirl

Programmer.

- Qenes

Close Enough

I make copies.

- Klaudiapotter

Cloning technician?

- Robots914

Photocopier operator?

- Wyrmczar

Close enough, I'm a secretary.

- Klaudiapotter

Better Numbers

Giphy

You give me numbers I give you better numbers

- JamesJosiah

Number repair technician?

- robots914

Corrupt lotto official?

- Soberasabird1

Data analyst, you tell me what machines you've got and how much you use them I'll tell you what parts you need on the shelf

- JamesJosiah

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