13 Reasons Why actor Tommy Dorfman had every reason to put a first-class passenger on blast after catching him texting complaints about being seated next to a trans woman. Dorfman, who is transgender and uses she/her pronouns, took to Instagram to expose her seatmate’s anti-trans messages.
A candid mid-flight photo captured the passenger’s text messages:
"Guess what is sitting next to me? A f**king transsexual in the midst of going from a man to a woman."
Dorfman publicly came out as a transgender woman in July 2021, sharing that she had been privately transitioning for nearly a year prior and would be using she/her pronouns.
Calling Dorfman “a freak,” the same passenger continued:
"Just my luck 🍀 I was hoping for a hot babe!!"
Dorfman also noted that the man sent additional messages she described as “deeply misogynistic,” including explicit commentary about a flight attendant.
She addressed the man in her Instagram post, wrote:
"Someone get your grandpa."
The text messages also appeared to be sent by the passenger to multiple individuals.
One recipient named Samantha had this to say:
“Just remember, many people you love are LGBTQ+, and this country sucks for them right now. Be kind!”
Seeing that response, Dorman wrote, “wait samantha ily girl.”
Alongside the post, Dorfman shared a longer reflection on identity, perception, and autonomy, pushing back on the idea that trans people exist to meet anyone else’s standards. She framed the moment not just as an isolated incident, but as part of a broader, ongoing negotiation between personal truth and public scrutiny.
She wrote:
“[O]bjectively, I know I’m not 'passing,' and I’m 'bricky' and 'clocky' but passing hasn’t been the point for me nor should it be for any trans person. We are all allowed to evolve in any way that feels true, and that evolution can expand and contract. It’s always been about alignment and autonomy for my own comfort, not the comfort of others or the expectations of society."
In a 2021 Time interview, Dorfman shared that she chose to keep her name, Tommy, because of its personal significance—it honors her mother’s brother, who died when she was a month old.
Responding to the passenger’s behavior, Dorfman wrote:
"The audacity of this man so blatantly blasting off texts about me (sparing you the deeply misogynistic and revolting comments on our flight attendants in contrast to my freak) only reaffirms the choices I’ve made for myself to feel safe and comfortable in my body and spirit."
"This does come at the cost of safety and comfort in the world, especially in America, and that’s not without consequence internally and externally.”
As for why Dorfman put the unknown passenger on blast? Well, she put it bluntly:
"Because I can, and this man is an alt-right vampire."
You can view the post here:
The post quickly gained traction, with viewers sounding off across platforms as the clip and screenshots began to circulate.
You can view the reactions here:
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In May 2024, she also revealed that she had privately married her partner, Elise Williams, in Malibu in late 2023. Off-screen, Dorfman has been increasingly open about the life she’s built since 13 Reasons Why and the parts of herself she once felt she had to compartmentalize while playing Ryan Shaver.
Dorfman reflected on that shift to Buzzfeed News, saying:
"I spent 28 years of my life suicidal and depressed, and recovering from alcoholism and drug addiction. I don't think I've ever been genuinely happy until this past year."She’s now channeling that clarity into her next chapter, with Aesthetica, Detransition, Baby, and Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me in development. And as this flight made clear, she’s not interested in letting moments like this pass unchecked.
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