Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Dana Carvey Channels His Nuttiest John Bolton on Colbert—& It's Unsettlingly Amusing

Dana Carvey Channels His Nuttiest John Bolton on Colbert—& It's Unsettlingly Amusing
CBS Photo Archive/Getty Images

On Friday, March 23, President Trump appointed former United Nations ambassador John Bolton to replace H.R. McMaster as his National Security Advisor. The news that McMaster was going to be replaced didn't come as a surprise to many—he and the President had butted heads for quite some time, and in the wake of Hope Hicks' departure as Communications Director, Trump has been much less hesitant about shaking up the personnel at the White House. What DID surprise many was the appointment of Bolton, an obscure Bush-era diplomat with a reputation for aggressive tactics and threatening behaviors. Stephen Colbert thought the issue warranted some discussion with Bolton himself (as played by Dana Carvey).


Carvey's Bolton is as hilarious as it is terrifying.

In the clip, "Bolton" swings by the show to ease Colbert's fears, but quickly makes matters much worse. He threatens to chase Stephen down a hotel hallway flinging staplers at him, and also mentioned sending some "big fat tanks" into North Korea. Meanwhile, his mustache grew ever larger because it "gets a bit engorged when it smells a war coming on."

Bolton's mustache even weighed in on the performance:

But it turns out Carvey's impression is a little too close for comfort.

Bolton was actually blocked from his original U.N. appointment by Congress, who kept him away from the position after receiving a message from over 60 retired diplomats speaking against him. Though Bolton's professional career is plenty controversial (he once said that if the U.N. headquarters "lost ten stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference"), his former colleagues major problem with him was one of character.

During his confirmation hearings, his mistreatment of underlings and embellishment of facts both became sticking points.

In 2005, TIME ran an article detailing some of Bolton's alleged incidents. Here's a particularly revealing excerpt:

Government sources tell TIME that during President Bush's first term, Bolton frequently tried to push the CIA to produce information to conform to—and confirm—his views. "Whenever his staff sent testimony, speeches over for clearance, often it was full of stuff which was not based on anything we could find," says a retired official familiar with the intelligence-clearance process. "So the notes that would go back to him were fairly extensive, saying the intelligence just didn't back up that line."

Those episodes, sources say, frequently involved statements Bolton wanted to make about the malign intentions and weapons capabilities of Cuba and North Korea. Two analysts—one at the State Department and the other at the CIA—told the committee they had run afoul of Bolton in 2002 after they warned that he was making assertions in a speech about Cuba's weapons programs that could not be backed up by U.S. intelligence. Bolton, they said, tried to have them removed from their jobs. Witnesses say that after one of the analysts, Christian Westermann, wrote an internal memo warning of Bolton's embellishments, he was summoned to Bolton's office and subjected to a finger-wagging tirade. Westermann's boss at the time, Carl W. Ford Jr., told the committee in a public hearing two weeks ago that he considered Bolton "a serial abuser" of underlings and "a quintessential kiss-up, kickdown sort of guy."

​Bolton eventually bypassed Congressional approval by filling a vacancy left by his predecessor.

Well, if things get bad, at least we'll always have this photoset of Dana Carvey in progressively larger mustaches to keep our spirits high!

H/T - Huffpost, TIME, CNN

More from Entertainment/celebrities

Screenshot of JD Vance
The Benny Show

JD Vance Offers Up Bonkers Christian Theory For What UFO Sightings Actually Are—And The Side-Eye Is Real

Vice President JD Vance is being widely criticized after he claimed during an appearance on conservative influencer Benny Johnson's podcast over the weekend that UFO sightings are actually "demons."

Vance said he is “more curious than anybody” about whether life exists on other planets, but offered his own Christian conspiracy theorist twist on the subject when asked about President Donald Trump's order to different agencies to "begin the process of identifying and releasing government files on aliens and extraterrestrial life."

Keep ReadingShow less
Ryan Gosling
Dominik Bindl/FilmMagic

Ryan Gosling's Frank Comments About The Struggling Movie Theater Business Have Fans Nodding Hard

It's no secret that movies are kind of... well, dying, unless they're super-hero movies. And even some of those aren't doing so hot anymore, either.

Star Ryan Gosling recently got candid about just how bad it's getting, especially for the movie theaters we are no longer going to as much as we used to, especially since the pandemic.

Keep ReadingShow less
Riley Gaines
@xx_xyathletics/X

Anti-Trans Activist Riley Gaines Just Tried To Claim That Trans People 'Silenced' Her—And People Are LOLing Hard

Clothing brand XX-XY Athletics, who made transphobia their brand—literally—released a new ad on X featuring their poster girl, former collegiate swimmer Riley Gaines.

In the newest bid for attention for the clothing company, Gaines pulled tape off her mouth then claimed she was "silenced" by trans rights activists. She added that pro-trans university administrators also destroyed her dream of becoming a dentist.

Keep ReadingShow less
Alan Ritchson, who plays an Army Ranger in War Machine, pushed back against age-related criticism by citing updated U.S. Army enlistment rules.
Jamie McCarthy/WireImage via Getty Images

Alan Ritchson Epically Shuts Down Trolls Who Say He's Too Old To Play Army Ranger In New Film

Alan Ritchson has a message for anyone calling him “too old” to play an Army Ranger: take it up with the Army. The War Machine actor pushed back on online criticism by pointing to a recent change in U.S. Army enlistment rules.

After trolls questioned his casting in the Netflix film, including his portrayal of a soldier in RASP (Ranger Assessment and Selection Program), Ritchson noted that the military recently raised its maximum enlistment age from 35 to 42, undercutting claims that he’s aged out of the role.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshots from @connortalkslol's TikTok video
@connortalkslol/TikTok

Guy Admits His Ignorance After Girlfriend Educates Him On What Really Happens During Menstruation—And He's Horrified

Women's health should be much more common knowledge than it is, but many subjects related to women—especially menstruation, pregnancy, and childbirth—are still considered pretty "taboo" subjects in public spaces, in shared educational spaces, and, of course, among men.

That's why there are so many men like TikToker @connortalkslol who only start finding out what menstruation really is and what the cycle entails when they go looking for the information themselves.

Keep ReadingShow less