People Break Down The Biggest Problems About Modern Dating

Most people will tell you that having a partner is fulfilling, but part of having a partner involves doing something that makes a lot of us cringe: navigating the dating scene.

Unfortunately, as the years go ticking by, navigating the dating scene is only getting harder.

Redditor draconymous asked:

"What's the biggest problem with modern dating?"

Unreciprocated Effort

"Everyone expects things but don't want things expected of them."

- M1K3yWA15H

"Just in general personal responsibility and inputting effort into something are lacking nowadays. People get offended when you suggest you should compromise and put in equal work. Healthy relationships are not made by expecting the other person to be perfect and carry the interaction."

"If you want a traditional guy, then act like a traditional girl (and vice versa)."

"If you want an emotional connection, then you have to work to form it."

"If you want a model, then work on yourself first."

- Gatorader22

The Grass Is Greener

"Paradox of choice."

"Dating sites in particular make people think that there's always something better out there. People treat dating like ordering a Whopper at Burger King and want someone to meet every checkbox on their wish list, rather than accept that all relationships involve compromise."

- PirateJohn75

Unreasonable Expectations

"People’s sense of entitlement to a 'high-value partner' when they really often aren’t high value themselves."

- ayatollahofdietcola_

"It's pretty amazing to me how many people think they're entitled to a partner who borders on perfection across all of the measurable 'stats' (good looks, high income, amazing personality, will bring breakfast in bed every morning) while they themselves are a burning dumpster fire across all measurable angles. Not gender specific."

"It's not helped by the constant encouragement of 'never settle, Queen/King,' or the well-meaning but delusional refrains that 'people's value can't be measured on a scale.' Nobody is saying it boils down to just your looks (except the most superficial, whom most people laugh at), but most people can tell someone who is a loser apart from someone with their s**t together."

- Throwawayamanager

Shallow Feelings On The Rise

"Modern dating via apps is kind of like window shopping for people and yep it’s exactly as soulless as that sounds."

- Pretentious-F**k

"Authentic connections are far and few in between, feelings are shallow and pretentious."

- Carbon-Base

Instant Gratification

"People being so used to instant gratification."

- SexyNicole435

"And thinking if they don't find it immediately with one person, they will easily find it with another."

- Carbon-Base

Other Fish In The Sea

"Too many options. 'The next best thing is just around the corner.'"

- RareSpice42

Where Did All The Third Spaces Go?

"I think it’s ultimately an underlying issue beneath a lot of what’s being brought up here, but;"

"The decline of third spaces. Being able to just organically meet people without first being presented with a big list of details, and without thousands of other options being a swipe away."

"Even in the ones that still exist there does seem to be this energy now of only really engaging with those one already knows. I think that’s understandable in many ways (especially from women’s perspectives) but yeah."

"Can’t say I’m not guilty either; I’m sure I’ve skipped over dozens of folks I might have genuinely had chemistry with on dating apps because there’s this and that on their profile that turns me away."

- RyanB_

Moving Much More Slowly

"Cold start problem. Before dating apps, people met in real life, which means people knew each other on at least a superficial level before going on a first date."

"In modern times, a 'first date' is with a total stranger. Most people are guarded. Spark and chemistry are hard to come by when your top priority is determining that the person sitting across the table from you is not a serial killer."

- HudsonYardIsGood

No Ghosting Allowed

"For me, it’s poor communication. Don't ghost me; just tell me you’re not interested. It’s not the end of the world, but it lets me know definitively instead of it being one of many other possible explanations."

- Gogs85

"Yeah, but as much as ghosting sucks, I'd rather that than the 'slow fade.' It blows my mind how many times someone has done a slow fade on me after a successful date where plans to see each other again were made and it was confirmed that you both had a good time."

"I'd rather be ghosted because that's pretty easy to tell. But when people respond for a few days after, just less frequently and with less enthusiasm, ugh, it kills me."

"You want to reach out and confront them (because unlike them, you value communication) but you don't want to be the accusatory douche bag, even if it's calling out bad behavior. All the while, they're still matched with you, even when they finally stop responding."

- Wishilikedhugs

No Such Thing As "Perfect"

"Everyone wants Mr or Ms absolutely perfect across all categories. And the paradox of choice makes them think it's out there. There's no more finding a good compatible partner and growing together. It's either all there in the first six weeks or they're moving on."

- Caleb_Krawdad

Social Narcissism

"I think social media has fostered a sense of narcissism in a lot of people. Like, you’re almost certainly not that handsome/pretty, rich, talented, or intelligent. So, you need to take that into account when considering partners. You’re an average person, so you’ll probably wind up with an average partner."

- CMarlowe

Ulterior Motives

"The illusion of choice. Everyone always has a foot out the door because their True Love is seemingly just one swipe away at all times."

"The apps are incentivized to keep you on them, so they don't match you up with people who actually like you unless you're paying, and even then I think they try pretty hard to sabotage your experience to make sure you keep paying."

"Everyone just swipes forever and ignores all the good people they're passing over."

- Badloss

Self-Isolation Issues

"Gotta say it, as someone with three twenty-something children: Lots of self-isolating people today. Nobody has parties or gatherings, or at least to the same degree as when I was single and dating."

- AnbodySeeMyKeys

"It's too expensive nowadays."

- Kabusanlu

No Disagreements... Ever

"Impossible checklists of things that sound great on paper (to the people who have them I guess), but misses that anyone trying or claiming to hit them all will be faking."

"The other bizarre thing is a mindset that someone else must agree with you on every conceivable issue and like everything you like."

"To me this is extreme narcissism, I have zero interest in being with my identical twin, I am not gay or incestuous for starters."

- just_some_guy65

The Power Of Positive Thinking... Or Not

"People looking for reasons to say no instead of reasons to say yes."

- NearlyPerfect

"They need to listen to more Bruno Mars: 'Don't say no, no, no, no, no Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah""

- Videoboysayscube

"Why should they just jump into anything and say yes with someone they’re not really into or that they don’t feel like they have enough in common with? You guys are really big proponents of getting in a relationship just to get into a relationship."

"I’d rather be single than settle and I own that. A lot of people are like that. I feel like all these people complaining about what you’re complaining about are just a bunch of men who can’t get dates or women to sleep with them. For the first time in history, we don’t have to be in a relationship and frankly, that’s liberating."

- Subject-Town

"Liberate yourself to a lifetime of loneliness. This post reeks of defensiveness. If you want to be single then be single, no one is stopping you but the question was about online dating issues. This is a thread for people who don’t want to be single and discussing the issues with trying to not be single."

"Also, you need to stop seeing it as settling. If the only people who will get in a relationship with you are people of a certain level then that’s your level. You don’t have to get into relationships with them but don’t be upset if you end up without one."

"Half of this thread is discussing men who are low-level level expecting high-level women and refusing to settle, so I don't know why you’re assuming everyone saying this is male."

"I’ve seen people with your mentality a thousand times over the years. It ends poorly. I feel bad for kids trying to date nowadays. End of the day your decisions are your decisions with good or bad consequences."

- Gatorade22

As fun as it's supposed to be, dating has definitely gotten harder over the years. From rapidly disappearing third spaces to high standards to social media aesthetics, it's hard to imagine anyone living up to anyone else's standards anymore.