Family is important. And so many families are not built by blood and that is just as beautiful sharing DNA. If you are a person who was given up by your blood, it's okay to want to find the ones who left you. Many times it's necessary for health reasons. So it's never wrong to inquire about your past. You just have to be careful. Once you know the answers you'll never un-know them.
Redditor u/Owanjila wanted to hear from all the adopted people out there who came face to face with their history by asking.... Adopted redditors, did you ever meet your biological parents? How did the first meeting go?
Just think about it.Giphy
Met my birth mom at 39: there's a long "Jerry Springer-type" story that I won't go into here, but one thing I learned is that most moms are really okay learning that we ended up in better circumstances. As a mom, myself, all I've ever wanted for my kids is their happiness and success, however they define it. If you get the chance, feel free to express that. It may hurt her a little, but it will also likely relieve the burden of guilt she carries.
My adoption wasn't a good one - abusive adoptive mom - so I didn't have a good outcome to report, but my birth mom desperately wanted to know that my life turned out better than she could have provided.
Just think about it. GinaMariaSpaghetti
I was adopted shortly after birth. My adoptive parents are awesome and never hid anything from me. Life was good. I was always curious what sort of ethnic background I came from, so I took an Ancestry DNA test. The results were interesting; my adoptive parents are German and English, and my birth parents are also German and English.
I made contact with a few long lost cousins, but nobody remembered anyone giving up a a baby. Months pass, and I get a message from one of the long lost cousins - he checked with other family members and sure enough he knows who my birth mother is. We made phone contact and finally were able to meet in person. She was able to tell me who my birth father was. I met them both (each individually), it has been life changing. I now get together with each one and their respective families a couple times a year.
The fact that I now have 2 bonus (birth) families is mind blowing. It may have taken 45 years, but it was all worth the wait! I never thought knowing who they are would affect me the way it did. I can't explain it other than a feeling of being "whole". Knowing these people just warms my heart. I am beyond lucky. jenjuno123
"I have two dads?"Giphy
When I was six I realized I had an extra grandma. My mom explained that my dad had adopted me, and my biological father was someone else. I said "I have two dads?" Mom pointed to Dad and said, "This is your dad. The other man is your biological father."
"What does biological mean?"
"It means ... the man who helped make you. Everyone has one."
So naturally I just assumed everyone had a secret dad. I remember pitying my friends at school and wondering when they would find out about theirs.
I insisted on meeting him, but when I did I was unpleasantly surprised. He scared me. He's a little guy - short and heroin thin - but he has a voice for radio. It doesn't match him. When he opened his mouth and this big booming voice came out, I thought it was a trick. I figured there must be a big guy hiding somewhere and doing the talking.
That's of course just my little-kid brain's response to his physical appearance and voice. Our relationship isn't good but I don't mean to correlate the two, it's just coincidence. britaww
Nope, after I was adopted by my step mom my dad died and then my mom just disappeared from my life not even a phone call over these pass 8 years and now I'm about to graduate high school and I don't feel sad because my step mom/adopted mom treats me well and is more than I honestly deserve. agnelius
Wife was adopted at birth. She has no interest in her bio-family. She says her adopted parents are her only parents. The bio-family has tried to reach out to us by sending letters every few years. My wife just rips them up and throws them away as soon as she realized it is from them. Usually within the first sentence. I have been tempted to piece it together and read them. But I respect her wishes not to. Plus she would never forgive me if I did. harvest3155
Teachers are the best.Giphy
I was informally adopted by a former teacher when I was fifteen because some people are awesome.
My biological father is a piece of crap. Last I heard he was homeless in St. Paul and with any luck he is or will be very very dead soon.
My biological mom tried her best with what she had, but was also a manipulative narcissist. lexmattness
I found my bio mom when I was 42. Getting to know each other as adults has been pretty wonderful. Her life spiraled out of control for years after giving me up when she was in high school. I grew up in a great, loving, stable home. She would never have been able to provide that to me. She would have loved me, but that was it. My bio mom and mom met once, and they were so grateful for each other. My mother thanked bio mom for giving her the greatest gift. Bio mom thanked my mom "you did what I needed you to do. What I couldn't do for her." amybpdx
The Past is the Past....
I was adopted at birth and met my biological mother the day before my 18th birthday. We have a good relationship but not close (she is east coast I am south coast). We talk several times throughout the year and are planning a trip this summer. We have a blast when we get together but have led very, very different lives. She is career focused and while I work, I'm family focused. I was born when she was 17 and I had my first at 18.
I never met my biological father. He was about 29ish when I was born. He was an alcoholic then and I'm pretty sure that's the way he died. After years of searching, my ex found his death certificate 2 years after he passed. I wish I had a chance to tell him that I'm ok and I'm grateful he did the adoption. sendtacos
The College Try....Giphy
My mom was adopted. She didn't meet her bio parents until she was an adult. I think the initial meeting went pretty well, but ultimately none of them are in contact with each other now because they don't like one another. but they gave it a good go and now they know what's up. ooglecat
She is the bravest woman I know.
Born in eastern China during the one child policy. I was premature so my mom took care of me in secret for a few months before leaving me near a theatre. I was found by an elderly woman who I am forever thankful for. She brought me to an orphanage for premature babies. Adopted by Finnish parents at age 1. I am 16 now and I still don't know who my mother is or if she is alive. I would like to meet her and give her a big hug. During the one child policy woman were forced to get sterilized, forced abortions and police tracking cycles. She is the bravest woman I know. Pirkka_kevytmaito
Mum and Dad.
My parents died in a car accident when I was 7. A nice young couple reached out to the authorities that they would be willing to take me in if I had no where else to go. I've been with them since. Have to say it was strange at first having two completely different parents, but they are the most wonderful people I have ever met aside from my biological parents. I consider them my "mum and dad" even though my biological parents also hold that spot in my heart as well. _justinm307
I was adopted at about 5 months old, so I had no memory of my birth parents. My birth mother was addicted to drugs, and her boyfriend was an abusive fool. Well, a few years after I was born, she managed to get away from him, and started her road to recovery. Now, she's totally clean and owns a bakery.
I know all of this because when I was 37 years old, she managed to track me down, because in her words, she "just wanted to be sure that she made the right decision". And I think she did, because we're both doing pretty well now, and I don't think we would be if she had kept me. GomedyCold
I might be overstepping. I am not adopted. But my mom had her first son when she was 16 and gave him up for adoption.
When I was 16, she told me about him and that she had found him (she only started looking when my brother and I were old enough to understand her decision). The first time I met him, I was working a shift at KFC. My mom called the store and told me he is only in town for the evening and that he wanted to meet me, even if it was just briefly. I was so excited. They showed up and I clocked out for my break. It was such an odd experience. He told me about his daughters, and asked about school and work, and then we had to cut it short so I could get back to work.
Its been 16 years since we met now, and my mom has been so happy. He ended up having some health issues, he is okay now, but had they not met, he wouldn't have been able to get the genetic testing done to find out it was an issue he was born with. His daughters have the same defect and are on medication, but without my mom, they would all probably still be in limbo.
He once told me he felt like the luckiest guy. He got adopted by a wonderful family, he has wonderful parents, my mother included, he has brothers and sisters, and includes myself and my brother. We don't often use the term "half" even if its technically true. He says he is lucky cause he got this giant family out of the situation, and his daughters are loved by three sets of grandparents. They call my mom Grandma ****. QuyynseyFae
(32m) I'm adopted since 4 months and have never met my birth parents. I want to and my adoptive parents are more than willing to assist in this but I have never pursued it. I would never want to make my adoptive parents think for a second that I don't view that as my "real" parents. Sounds funky but I'm a very loyal person. I guess the point is, be grateful someone took you in and loved you. There's a lot of kids with their biological parents and they would trade them in a heartbeat. A lot of people don't understand that adopted kids are the lucky ones (most of the time)
EDIT: adopted @ 4 months old. redz555777
My birth mother was 13.Giphy
Yes. My birth mother was 13. I understood completely. But when she told me "now that I found you I am your ONLY mother" I never spoke to her again.
My birth father... he was 20. But it was the 70's so I'm not going to give him to much grief. He's got a great job. Stable life however he fathered 7 children. All girls. All placed for adoption. Every few years another one pops up. Smh
Oh and I should mention that even though they have been married to other people for 20 plus years- they were still sleeping together in 2000.
I have parents and these aren't them.
I forgot to add my birth father never told his current wife and found an email from me and she sent me a nasty reply assuming we were having an affair. I responded with the 3 other names of his other "children" ( the others popped up after this). I know it was probably wrong but I was hurt. The names she called me... I later found out from his daughter he raised that Barb was furious at him for never telling him and HER mother divorced him after she found him and my birth mother in bed. She never knew I existed either. She only found after that daughter found out and searched me out on Myspace. piglet110419
Just Tell Everybody.
Not me, but my wife.
Overall, it went about as well as she could reasonably have hoped. She only met her mom, the "worst" part was that the waitress came to take our orders, and her bio-mom just blurted out the whole situation to the waitress, which made my wife (and the poor waitress) very uncomfortable.
Other than that, it was "okay". No real resentment, and my wife walked away thinking the adoption was probably for the best. She does get along well with her siblings, the mom is a friend on facebook, but it was just the one meeting (geography isn't the only factor, but probably the biggest one). teke367
I am 43 years old, and met my bio family (mother, brother and sister) almost exactly 10 years ago now. I found my mother after a brief Facebook search (I had her name and an appropriate age and knew she went to high school in a specific part of the city.)
The meeting went very well and I finally found people that I could relate to for my unusual sense of humor. Our ongoing relationship blows up and preconceived notions I had about nature vs nurture. We (mostly like all the same stuff (my brother is a Star Wars fan, while mom, sis, and myself are all Trekkies).
While it's only been 10 years, if feels like I've known them my entire life.
The topic of dad came up once, and I was told that when my siblings were little, and before I was born he left without warning. My sister tried to contact him years later and he wanted nothing to do with anyone from his previous life.
10/10 would recommend anyone who has the means to find their bio family to do so.
I'd also like to add my sincerest thanks to some random clerk at the Ontario Registrar General's office in Toronto that accidentally disclosed my parentage while I was applying for a birth certificate that made the entire endeavor possible.Mars27819
Not me but my best friend growing up, she was eager to meet her dad when she learned he still lived in our same town, she met him and said it was like meeting any random adult, nothing particularly special, she still likes she was able to connect and still occasionally meet with him. marekelu
We met in NYC, it was her first time on the east coast, and since I've grown up on the east coast my entire life, I gave them a tour of the city and we both got tattoos together from a gumball machine! Fun time.
I was so nervous to actually meet her, and was a little awkward at first, but only for like half an hour, until I realized just how similar we really are. It's crazy no matter what conditions you've grown up in, your genetics really do affect what kind of person you become. I think that's something non adopted people really don't think about.
All in all, great experience, I haven't seen her since since she lives in SoCal, but we keep in touch through instagram/texting often. I love my real parents, I love my birth parents, and I appreciate both of their honestly about why things happened as they did.
If you're nervous about meeting a birth parent, that's normal. For me it was totally worth it, and even helped me learn more about myself though watching her. I can't wait to meet her again someday! chopsthedrumme
Both my mom and her sister were adopted (from a different set of biological parents). My mom's mother refused contact and didn't tell her (later) family about her. They only found out after she died. My mom had made up a bunch of exotic stories to cope (including her tribe in Afghanistan where she happened to live in her early years (back before the Soviet invasion).
I found out after both my mom and her bio mom were dead, the former from a drug overdose, the latter from diabetes at an early age.
Moral of the story: you're probably not descended from royalty. Be prepared for a tragic story, as best case scenario is your parents had no means of providing for you and gave you up willingly and out of love. nerbovig