Apparently some marriages are so fragile that even a night spent in separate beds can destroy it all.
Redditor PutridMattress found herself in an unusual situation after her cousin and his wife temporarily moved into her home. Because of the way her rooms were arranged, it would mean the visiting couple would need to sleep in a room with two twin beds.
This, apparently, destroyed their marriage.
Now, the Original Poster's (OP's) family is saying she needs to apologize to save her cousin's marriage. But she isn't so sure.
She visited the popular subReddit "Am I The A**hole?" and asked anonymous internet users to sound off on whether she was in the wrong by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
"This is so silly but they've cut contact with me for it. So, a few days ago my cousin (48M) and his wife (31F) came to stay with me because their ac broke down and they were having trouble finding someone to fix it immediately(we live in a very hot country and they dont have ceiling fans). Im not really close with this cousin, but Im the only relative they have in the city and my fiancé is living with his mother atm, so I had room."
"Cousin, wife and 4 year old arrived and we had a good time until I showed them where they were going to sleep. Fiancé and i have separate rooms. Fiancé has a queen while my room has two twins so it can be converted into a guest room if needed. I put the kid in my fiance's son's room, the couple in mine, and I moved into fiance's room like usual."
"They went all quiet when I showed them the room, but I didnt really think anything of it. Later, cousin knocked on my door and asked to switch rooms because they werent comfortable sleeping separately."
"Now, my fiancé has expensive tech stuff for work in his room. The kid is hyperactive and in their room all day. First he got offended and said he was too well behaved to touch anything (He's not. Hes broken my stuff before) ,then asked if I could move the queen into the other room. I said, ok fine we'll see about that tomorrow but no no no, it had to be tonight."
"Well, it was late and there was no way but he thought that it would only take me a couple of hours. I said,' wait, you're helping right?' but he said it was rude to ask a guest to fix something that was a result of my own 'lack of forethought'."
"I just closed the door on him and went to sleep. Next morning, the wife was irritable through breakfast ( she tossed all the uncooked stuff I'd left out into the trash without even asking me- including half a loaf of fresh homemade brioche ) and I could hear them having whispered arguments. In the afternoon he said they were going to stay with his friend and left."
"I just thought good riddance and forgot about it until my grandma called today and said I'd ruined their marriage and needed to apologize if i ever wanted to speak to my cousin again. Apparently, I have no right imposing me and my fiance's newfangled arrangement on others."
"But, I wasnt? I mean, my parents used to sleep separately if they had to in other peoples homes or hotels and i didnt think it was such a big deal. I know what my fiancé and I do isn't traditional but is always sleeping together so important in a marriage? What happens if one of them isnt home? I told my fiancé and he laughed but said that we should probably put the queen in my room to avoid this in the future. AITA?"
The situation seemed pretty unusual to many.
"NTA lol what even is this, whose marriage is so paper-thin that a single night spent in separate beds, IN THE SAME ROOM, brings the whole thing crashing down?" -Bourbon_Magisterium
It's also important to remember the OP was doing her cousin a favor.
"It's a weird complaint for an emergency sleeping situation. If my AC broke down I'd be happy with a sleeping bag in someone's living room rather than an expensive hotel or melting" -rebelwithoutaloo
Others felt they would have been even "ruder" to the guests.
"One night, one whole night they had to sleep in separate beds & that is what is constitutes as ruining a marriage? One night because the AC in their place doesn't work. Oh my, definitely NTA"
"But to honestly think your hunkering down at cousin's place, make decisions & expect OP to follow through at that moment without help, i would have asked them to leave & called them an uber & giving them a list of hotels nearby" -20MLSE
Who the heck do these visitors think they are?
"My partner and I have separate bedrooms and we're doing great. I honestly dk how people can sleep in the same bed /every night/. We mostly share my king bed, but sometimes I overheat and move up to his bed. Or one of us needs to stay up later than the other. Or one or both of us just wants to starfish."
"Plus, as many people have pointed out, it is absolutely possible to push twin beds together. And depending on your size, you can share a twin pretty easily."
"Also, who are these people that get so pissy and demanding in someone else's house??? Throwing out their food? Insisting they move beds by themselves in the middle of the night??? As my 4 year-old niece would say: 'that's not very kind.'" -she_elf
People on Reddit suspected there was more going on in the cousin's marriage.
"Wow, what entitled and utterly rude people!!! Obviously they are having marital issues and you are just the scapegoat so they don't have to actually address them. I can't believe that your grandmother sided with them. Absolutely NTA." -Spejunkin
One night apart shouldn't be all it takes to ruin a marriage.
"Right!? Honestly, my marriage would be more likely to suffer if we were forced to sleep in the same bed every night. My husband and I actually just set up a permanent second bed so we can sleep apart more often (his skin constantly feels like it's on fire, he kicks in his sleep, he snores, and I hog the sheets lol)."
"What kind of people white knuckle through such a fragile, precarious marriage that depends on sleeping together for survival!?! OP, NTA. You sound like a generous host and anyone would be lucky to stay with you. Your cousin sucks lol" -AngryAngryAlice
When you're getting a free room, you shouldn't be demanding anything of its owner.
"NTA. first, beggars can't be choosers. they want ac? then they can take what they get. second, they can sleep in separate beds for a night. it's probably less hot anyway and they're making a huge deal out of it."
"third, their marriage was a mess because they both seem like unreasonable and disagreeable people (more so the husband) who probably didn't have the greatest relationship to begin with. you were super generous to them considering they are somewhat distant family and aren't homeless or dying or in danger. i hope their ac breaks again" -sourdoestarter
No loving parent would raise their child to act so disrespectfully.
"NTA- I hate when guests come with certain, specific expectations and then are rude when they aren't met. How could one night of sleeping separately, not even in different rooms affect ones marriage? Sounds to me like they had their own problems to begin with. Far from TA" -Ssxtreme
Perhaps a level-headed discussion would help ease the tension.
"NTA. It sounds like they had issues well before coming to stay with you if sleeping in a twin bed is enough to ruin their marriage. I don't think you were being a discourteous host at all. You had a room in your house that just happened to have two twin beds. You weren't being a weirdo making them sleep separately, that's just what you had to offer."
"(The spare room at my dad's house only has two twins and, while it does feel weird to sleep in a twin bed next to my husband, it's temporary and that's just what we get the very few times we stay there.) If you feel like it will help settle the family drama, call the cousin to talk it out. I'm not saying you have to apologize, but maybe the gesture will help this all blow over." -RoombaNightmare
It seems Reddit was almost entirely on the side of the OP for this one. Hopefully her cousin learns some manners sometime soon.
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