A happily married woman found herself in an annoying situation where a family friend called the woman's husband to tell him she wished she could be with him.
Redditor "Small_Bike" was informed of the private conversation from her husband, and they both agreed there needed to be boundaries with this person.
But the Original Poster (OP) avoided a confrontation altogether and chose to give her the silent treatment.
"For some background: my husband (31) and I (26) have been together for 7 years now," wrote the OP.
"We have our first baby on the way. We're thrilled."
Like any marriage, this one wasn't perfect, but that didn't mean her husband was back on the market.
"Now, we've had our issues, but have always worked them out. I'd say we're happy."
"Anyways, years ago, before we started dating, a family friend kissed him, he stopped it, and that was that. I've never had an issue with this, since he never tried to hide it from me and it was before we were together."
It appeared that this family friend still carried a torch for the OP's husband.
"However, throughout the years, it's become painfully obvious that she's still very much infatuated with him (husband and I have noticed and shrugged it off since she's mostly been okay about concerning herself with her own life, although it has been pretty cringey sometimes)."
"Also, I started considering her my own friend - husband and I became close with her on again/ off again husband too."
The family friend saw an opportunity when she found out that OP's marriage was possibly on the rocks.
"Now, over a month ago, my husband and I were having issues (we've fixed them), but I stupidly made the mistake of confiding in this family friend - she came to me a lot recently too, so I thought we were bonding."
"I wish I hadn't told her anything, because I think it made her think she had an opening."
"Last weekend, she messaged my husband, after I had gone to bed. He told me about what was said the morning after. Basically, she said she wished she could be with him, and that she needed him etc etc. She didn't want him to tell me, but I'm glad he did."
Since the not-so-clandestine phone convo, the OP distanced herself from this woman.
"I don't think it's right that she overstepped the way she did. It feels incredibly inappropriate. She's tried messaging me like everything was normal, but I've been ignoring them - I have no desire to talk to her, and I don't think I should have to."
"My husband and I talked, and agree that there needs to be better boundaries from her, because he said he was uncomfortable with the way she spoke to him too."
But the silent treatment led to woeful consequences.
"Throughout the week, she caught on that I didn't want to speak with her, so she's been blowing up my husband's phone. He told her we needed space. And she gave us space - for one night."
"Tonight, she's been sending us both essays on how she's so sad that she's 'losing her brother because of (sad_bike's) mood.' At first I didn't say anything to her."
"I said, 'leave it and us alone,' and muted the conversation. She's had her ex husband message my husband, she's saying she's crying about having to explain to her mom and (my) husband's mom that they're losing a friendship over my bs."
"I admit, I despise her now. But we asked for space. I didn't think this woman who's almost 30 needed to be acting like she's 15. I feel like she's getting high on her own drama."
"Should I have messaged her back?
The OP asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for ignoring this "friend."
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
This Redditor suggested the OP should break the silence and speak up for herself.
"Nta. Just openly tell her you and your husband speak about everything and het advances weren't welcome. Also send her texts to your mothers."
"You are in this trouble because you don't speak up for yourself and telling someone you knew wanted your husband about marital troubles. You really need to learn when and with whom to be open." – welptheheck
The OP admitted she "effed up" by trusting this friend in the first place.
She added:
"I thought she was getting over him since she'd gotten pregnant by some other guy on purpose. I think my husband is going to talk to her in the morning. He's pretty sick of this."
Unfortunately, some people who put on the guise of being a friend have ulterior motives.
"The thing is that you expect everyone to be genuine and trustworthy and when someone isn't they take advantage of your naivety."
"Nice to your face then plotting your demise behind your back. It's manipulation and it's all some people know how to do."
"I'm not talking about a company or scam. I mean someone real who works their way into all parts of your life."
"I've had the odd friend who haven't been who they are pretending to be. No close friends. I'd be gutted if that happened." – KKish76
"She sounds really manipulating. Consider this a lesson learned that all friendly people are not friends."
"It's easy to become friends with these types of backstabbers, sounds like your husband is a good honest man! Nta, don't let her or anyone else pressure you to continue this friendship, she showed you who she is, and none of this is your fault."
"I'm sure people in your town will figure out what a snake she has turned out to be. just share with your parents. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone else."
"I agree, running around telling anyone who will listen to the story is highschoolish. Enjoy your new baby and sweet husband!" – shawsome12
This person said the OP and her husband were both being complicit in the "toxic drama" and suggested them to take themselves "out of the equation."
"I don't understand why any of you are talking to her. She obviously wants attention, enough so to get purposely pregnant by someone else."
"She is just family friend, not family. Warn his mother. It is not worth your marriage or family."
"I would go full 'grey rock method' when you two run into her but other than that, stop participating. Why does your husband need to talk to her is beyond me."
"You guys can blame her all you want for this toxic drama, but you two are still participating in it. Take yourself out of the equation and block her from your life." – ganjafinch
"NTA this so called friend made a play for your husband and its backfired on her, she's lucky you're only ignoring her instead of publicly shaming her for this treachery." – Nihilistic_wizard
"You need to end this with her now. She has no place in your life, out, done, you and your husband need to lay down the law, and never allow contact with her again."
"If she has a friend or family member contact you on her behalf, explain she made a pass at your husband which left you both uncomfortable and it was beyond hurtful and disgusting to go after a married man, and you'd rather not hear about her again, and you'd hate to have her come between you and their relationship."
"Make a BIG deal of it, because it's a BIG deal. Don't allow anyone to come between you two unless one of you has announced the marriage is over." – AnarchyAcid
In an update, the OP wrote that the woman muted both her and her husband.
"We may not be able to completely avoid her in family functions one day, but this helps."
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