People Share The Weirdest Flexes They Heard Someone Say With A Straight Face

It is never attractive to gloat.

Even so, some people can't help but brag, or "flex" as it is sometimes known, about certain accomplishments or attributes.

Annoying as these "flexes" always are, sometimes they, even more annoyingly, aren't inaccurate.

At other times, however, we find ourselves raising our eyebrows or stifling our laughter over certain people's subtle flexes.

Redditor Reasonable_Buddy1293 was eager to hear about the most bizarre and confusing flexes they've been privy to, leading them to ask:

"What’s the weirdest flex you’ve ever heard someone say with a straight face?"

On Deaf Ears...

"A manager of a different department to me prided herself on being crazy busy all the time."

"She proudly told me she hasn’t listened to music in 15 years because she doesn’t have time."

"I asked if she has a radio in her car, and she said she turns it off."

"I said, what about in supermarkets where they play background music, she said she tunes it out and ignores it."

"This conversation was about 12 years ago, and I’m still so confused."- sl0wl0rris

Hydration Is Paramount...

“'I don’t drink water'.”- krysiis

Tell That To Your Dermatologist

"My cousin once bragged that he had never used sunscreen in his life."

"Said it with total pride like he was invincible, while peeling like a lobster on vacation."

"lmao."- SnTnL95

Nicksplat Sunburn GIF by Hey Arnold Giphy

Hard Worker... Or Workaholic?

“'I don’t use my PTO'."

"Soooo you’re working for free basically?"

" Weird flex but ok (we get X amount of days off that don’t roll over or pay out)."- feelinlikejericho

When In Doubt, Don't Argue With The Police

"My neighbors across the street.."

"A mom, her daughter, and 2 grandkids."

"She was pissed because the school was sending the police due to her granddaughter's missing too many days."

"'I didn't finish high school and neither did my daughter, and we turned out fine!'"

"No, you didn't."

"You have 4 people in a 2-bedroom house that's falling apart and no car between the 4 of you."

"She was ranting about this while I was giving her a ride across town, because we are nice people and would occasionally help them."- handandfoot8099

Any Award Is An Accomplishment... Or Is It?

"Does this count?"

"I had a boss who would call my handwriting ugly and chicken scratch."

"She thought she had the 'authority' to say it because she won an award for her handwriting, which she bragged about almost once a week."

"Eventually, I learned that the award she won was from Grade 3."

"Girly was in her 70s!"- honeysaliva

number one win GIF by V5MT Giphy

Not Exactly The Degree Worth Bragging About...

“'I’ve had all degrees of burns'.”

"In college, my husband was loitering in a hallway waiting for his class to open and was standing near a girl and a guy."

"Girls hands are both wrapped in gauze and the guy asks why."

"She says she has second-degree burns on her hands and had to wrap them up."

"Then he very confidently comes out with 'yeah, well I’ve had all degrees of burns' as the ultimate story top."

"It is said frequently around my home to this day and is a part of our family vocabulary."- Penguinofmyspirit

...Don't Tell Diego Montoya...

“'I’m the only man in town with six fingers!'”- MidichlorianJunkie

...Let's Hope He Had Some Source Of Fibre...

"I knew someone who was proud that he never, ever ate fresh food (fruits and veggies)."

"He’d actually pick them out of food at restaurants."- Odd-Comfortable-6134

Frustrated Clint Eastwood GIF Giphy

So, So Sad...

"I used to work in a library that was in a very deprived area."

"Local kids would hang out there cos there wasn't really anywhere else for them to go."

"They had to have a library card to do that, and we kept a list of their parents/guardians to call if things got rowdy, which they often did."

"One time these two kids were causing trouble after closing time, wouldn't leave, were throwing furniture around and yelling in our faces."

"I told them we were going to call their parents, one of them turned around and said triumphantly, 'HA! I don't even HAVE any parents!'"

"She did have grandparents, though, who were pretty pissed when they heard what she'd been up to."- can_u_tell_its_me

Genetics, Y'all...

"My BIL is almost 60 and doesn't eat fruits or vegetables, and he thinks it's funny that his kids and now grandkids are the same."- ohdearitsrichardiii

Vegan Vegetables GIF Giphy

As Long As He Said It With A Smile...

"'I once chugged a whole jar of pickle juice and it destroyed the lining of my stomach!'"

"OK, go you, kiddo!"- gtmattz

Making The Most Of A Bad Situation...

"Dude, I used to brag about how he keeps his car super clean because he washes it every weekend in front of his house."

"Turns out he tried starting up a car washing business and it went under."

"He has like five years' worth of cleaning supplies that he’s trying to get through."

"That’s why he cleans his car all the time."- LuckyCod2887

When The Literal Flex Even Induces Groans...

"I know this person who has these giant bicep muscles."

"Him and his partner would always brag how they're the biggest in the area."

"But honestly, they look ridiculous."

"Like someone jammed toddler head into his arm, they're huge."

"But it's not proportional to the rest of his body."

"I went home and had a good cackle with my husband about it."- CrabbiestAsp

Workout Flex GIF by Kræftens Bekæmpelse Giphy

We've all achieved things in our lives that we are proud of, and hope we might get even the tiniest bit of recognition for.

At the end of the day, though, it is essential to remember that Pride is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason...