Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

The Sad, Drunk Toys 'R' Us Giraffe Just Went on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live'

The Sad, Drunk Toys 'R' Us Giraffe Just Went on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live'
Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

On Wednesday, March 14, Toys "R" Us announced it would be closing or selling all of its U.S. stores in the face of almost certain bankruptcy. Since then, the once unquestioned king of toy sales has been endlessly eulogized on social media (though most of the stores have yet to actually cease operations). As a place where kids could be unashamedly excited and find cool products made just for them, the dying retailer holds a singular place in many consumer's hearts. But the closing of Toys R Us will have the largest impact on one person in particular: Geoffrey the Giraffe, an anthropomorphic savannah animal who is also Toys "R" Us's longtime mascot.


Geoffrey stumbled onto the set of "Jimmy Kimmel Live" on Thursday, March 15. He had a lot on his mind. It was not easy to watch.

Poor Geoffrey...

Giphy

Things started out innocently enough, with the mascot greeting the crowd in his usual buoyant tone, asking them:

Do you guys like toys?!

True to form, the audience responded with cheers! Geoffrey then dropped some bad news:

Well, I don't have any. Because we're bankrupt! *Giraffe Sobs*

Geoffrey said some things he couldn't take back.

When Jimmy told the giraffe everything was going to be okay, Geoffrey responded:

Oh no it's not! No it's not because all you b*****s bought toys on Amazon! Now I'm out of a job!

It was at this point Jimmy smelled the alcohol on Geoffrey's breath. Sobbing, Geoffrey sang the famous Toys "R" Us theme song:

I don't wanna grow up
I'm a Toys R Us kid
There's a million toys at Toys R Us that I can play with!
...but not anymore.

Twitter was equal parts mocking and supportive, strange as that may sound.

And fortunately, the stores up in Canada have yet to close (though many believe their days are numbered)!

Geoffrey blamed his store's failure on Amazon and other online delivery websites.

Everyone agrees the rise of online stores like Amazon, combined with increased prominence from big-box retailers like Walmart and Target, contributed to the toy store's demise. However, many are also pointing a finger at the private equity firms that saddled Toys "R" Us with $5 billion in debt. In last September's bankruptcy filing, Toys "R" Us revealed they had to spend $400 million every year just to manage their debt, which made it incredibly difficult to turn a profit, let alone pay for store improvement and upkeep. The company hasn't posted a full-year profit since 2012, and has lost $2.5 billion in that time.

But, to be honest, I doubt any of that will help poor Geoffrey. Our hearts are with you, old friend! Hopefully you'll pull yourself up by your bootstraps and find a new, happy life.

H/T - Huffpost, CNN Money, The New York Times

More from Trending/funny-news

Screenshot of Stephen Colbert
CBS

Stephen Colbert Makes Somber Plea To Americans In Wake Of Charlie Kirk's Death

Late-night host Stephen Colbert had a somber message for Americans as he addressed the assassination of far-right activist Charlie Kirk, stressing that "political violence only leads to more political violence."

Kirk died after an unidentified gunman shot him in the neck as he—ironically enough—mocked victims of gun violence at an event in Utah Valley State University. Kirk's murder has galvanized the far-right, with President Donald Trump and his surrogates claiming without evidence that rhetoric from Democrats is responsible for Kirk's death.

Keep ReadingShow less
a woman sunbathing on rocks.
a person sitting on a towel on a beach
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

People Share The Weirdest Flexes They Heard Someone Say With A Straight Face

It is never attractive to gloat.

Even so, some people can't help but brag, or "flex" as it is sometimes known, about certain accomplishments or attributes.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshots from @thedowntheredoc's TikTok video
@thedowntheredoc/TikTok

TikToker Hilariously Calls Out Target After Champion Pants Feature Awkwardly-Placed Front Pleat

Sometimes you can just tell when something was designed *for* women, but was not actually designed *by* women.

Take, for instance, the new pleated pants available at Target from the Champion clothing line. While there's nothing wrong with pleated pants and they certainly have a suitable spot in the workplace, the latest rendition of Champion pleated pants are, shall we say, NSFW.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshots from @kaicutch's Instagram video
@kaicutch/Instagram

Woman Flips Her Car After Belting Out Ironic Britney Spears Lyric In Wild Viral Video

Whether we want to admit it or not, we've all had our fair share of carpool karaoke and maybe even imagined our car as our own personal recording studio.

But TikToker and Instagrammer Kaitlynn McCutcheon may have gotten too into her performance of Britney Spears' classic, "Hit Me Baby, One More Time," when the road and her car both said, "Bet."

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshots from ​@lynnshazeen's TikTok video
@lynnshazeen/TikTok

Woman Goes Viral After Revealing How Her Obsession With Matcha Landed Her In The Hospital

Let's be honest: Too much of anything isn't good for us. It's all about the balance!

But the media and social media trends have taught us that certain things are really good for us, encouraging us to be like the "very mindful and very demure" girls and take care of ourselves. One such example is drinking more matcha, especially if you really like coffee or think you have a caffeine addiction.

Keep ReadingShow less