Trying to navigate and understand love is an impossible task.
Sometimes, there is no understanding of it.
That's why it can be so shattering when it all comes crumbling down.
Far too often, we sit in the rubble and wonder how it all went wrong.
When half the time, we already know that answer, we just can't face it.
There are always signs.
So what are they?
Redditor sun1212123 wanted to share thoughts on the times we all knew a relationship was on life support, so they asked:
"What are the signs of a dying relationship?"
Hey Roomie
"When you stop talking, when you stop making plans together, and when you become just glorified roommates."
- Chrrodon
"I described my relationship with my ex toward the end as 'roommates with 'I love you's.' It was just the very occasional hug, a 'love you' once or twice a day, and small favors. No cuddles, no kisses, no intimacy, barely any time spent together that wasn't running errands. I was kinda happier when I was alone and often stayed late at work to avoid going home (and for extra money)."
- ItsDreamcat
Less and Less
"Nobody does the little things anymore for each other, or one person drops out of doing them. Resentment is setting in, spending less and less time together. 🫤."
- ShylieF
High School Love GIFGiphy
No LOL'S
"For me, no laughing is the biggest indicator. Humor is my number one non-sexual turn on and it’s extremely important in a relationship for me. Once that’s gone, I know the relationship is almost gone."
- elmatador12
"Laughter is the key to a good marriage. If you're both laughing and aiming to make each other laugh every day, you're probably gonna make it."
- RobotStorytime
Complaints
"My Aunt and her husband visited my mom in her house this year. She put Dire Straits on Spotify for them to listen."
"My Aunt's husband did one loud clap on the rhythm of the song; my aunt complained about it like it was the worst thing in the world; he felt bad and remained silent for the rest of the night."
"Not to be an a**hole, but I hope they divorce so he can live his life in a better way."
- Luizinh01235
Not You Again
"When you dread having to spend time together."
- theinfamous99
"Also dread going home and putting in overtime so that you can spend less time at home."
- iChaseClouds
"Ya, I felt existential dread every time I pulled into his driveway. Your soul speaks; you just gotta listen to it."
- wizardofpeace
No Love
"The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference."
- Beakerguy
"I agree. It's true for any relationship. I've said to both bosses and romantic partners when this came up: as long as I get mad, angry, sad, or show any form of emotion, even those many think are 'negative' (while for me, they have their place too), you know I still care on some level. It's when I absolutely stop giving a s**t that it's basically over. I don't get angry at things I don't care about. I don't fight with people that don't mean anything anymore."
- SamaireB
Nothing Back
"Lack of reciprocation, in conversation, feelings, all of it."
- Ok-Cricket-33
"Or sometimes, the person you're dealing with is deliberately, and granularly reciprocal. If they're not getting a specific thing back on their terms, they withhold in kind (ostensibly to not look like a fool who cares more than you do). Before you know it, they've dammed up all the estuaries that might otherwise help to maintain a rich relationship, and eventually, neither of you have anything meaningful to talk about."
- xf2xf
I'm Out!
"When you simply don't have the strength to fight it anymore."
- Mysterious_Tax_5613
"My now ex-GF told me she had no fight left, and it killed me; this was two weeks ago."
- MasterBurritoRoller
Give Up GIF by TLC EuropeGiphy
No Touching
"Lack of intimacy. Not just sexual intimacy. When you don’t feel like the other cares about love or a relationship to at much, never even touches you nicely while walking by. Never wants to hold hands."
"When you can count the number of times you had sex in a year on one hand. Nobody plans dates anymore. I agree with what one user said. When it feels more like roommates, that’s a sign the relationship has lost its spark."
- ChocolateOrange21
D.O.D
"I was about to say 'indifference,' but I feel like that’s more of a sign of a 'dead' relationship rather than 'dying.' I know when my last relationship began 'dying' the biggest/first sign was I could no longer envision a future together. I was no longer able to picture getting married, buying a house, having kids, being old, attending family events, etc. I enjoyed the present, but when I would think about the future, I would feel sh*tty because I knew that one day we would have to break up."
- pbd1996
It's Not Going Well
"Do you look forward to not spending time with them? Do you feel emotionally exhausted after spending time with them? Are one or both of you exhibiting a lot of criticism, contempt, dishonesty, or stonewalling?"
"Those are the best signs I have. Not just an errant thought of what it would be like to be single, but the things that build up an exit."
"If I look forward to not being around them, if I need to be away from them, just breathe; if they constantly nag about everything wrong about me, if they look down on me and speak poorly of me; if they can’t respect me enough to tell me the truth about something or continue to hide things; if they just won’t tell me what’s up and shut me down."
"It doesn’t sound like it’s going well, does it?"
- bristolbulldog
Distance
"To me, it was the feeling of not missing them when they weren’t there. I don’t mean in a clinging way, but just that they did not cross my mind or heart as often as they once did. I could do without them. In the sense that I didn’t feel like I was contributing to their life in a meaningful way. We weren’t growing together anymore. We grew individually but not together, if that makes sense. The playfulness is gone. In its place a minorly critical nature. Distance."
"So great that it leads to separation. Ultimately. A breakdown of communication is going to be step one. Asking yourself whether you should share certain feelings with your partner for fear of this or that is another. Great love requires great vulnerability. If you can’t be yourself with your partner, then you need to seek an understanding as to why you choose to shield yourself. It needs to be reconciled."
- woolybully143
Color Change
"One indicator is if you become in the blue - if your once mutually lovely long texts showed equal length (blue, you, and grey, them) - if one of you becomes noticeably 'in the blue' with blue filling the texting screen and the other's greys have become perfunctory, the grey has lost interest or alternatively the blue is more invested. Some people don't really like texting, of course, but any changes are a sign."
- Rubbish_69
In Hiding
"When they become overprotective of their phone."
- eatingaclitkat
"What if you just don't like other people borrowing your phone? I don't have anything to hide. I've never cheated, and I never will, but it feels like someone reading your diary."
- CaptainMobilis
tired over it GIFGiphy
Freedom
"When you become aware that anything you say is a potential weapon against you at some point in the future and you stop telling them stuff, when everything is measured and compared. When you feel a burst of joyful freedom feeling when they are not around. When you stop caring about their crying and drama and feel no sympathy."
- KobasBlajvatore
So what have we learned?
When it's over, it's over.
We clearly need to learn how to let go sooner.
Staying in a dying relationship is toxic for everyone.
We spend so much time ignoring the signs or worse, digging our heels in and making worse choices to keep it going.
A little loneliness isn't that bad. No, it's not ideal.
But better to be alone and lonely than in a relationship and lonely.
