When visiting your doctor, the only thing you generally ever want to hear them say is good news or words of reassurance.
Of course, the toughest part of being a doctor is that they don't always have good news to share.
But if there's one thing a doctor should be, no matter whether or not they have good news or bad news to share, is direct.
Hence why a doctor should think very carefully as to what they say to their patients.
As a doctor's office is the one place no one should leave mystified.
Redditor ThisIsExxciting was curious to hear the most bizarre things people were ever told by a doctor, leading them to ask:
"What was the strangest thing a doctor has ever said to you?"
When You Got It, Flaunt It...
"I had a female doctor bend me over and stick her finger up my butt to check my prostate."
"When she was done she said 'Your prostate is absolutely wonderful!'"
"'No enlargement at all'."
"'It’s absolutely fantastic!'"
"'GOOD FOR YOU!'”
"She did this with the same voice and look on her face that one would give to someone who just performed a symphonic masterpiece."
"I felt so accomplished."
"I’m sorry she left the practice."- dma1965
Turns Out It Was A Laughing Matter...
"I asked my doctor, who had just performed brain surgery on me, how he got inside my head."
"He literally giggled, rubbed his hands together, and said, 'Power tools'.”- truthcopy
Better Late Than Never?
"I had an MRI of my knee."
"Doc said two things that were unusual."
“'I’ve never seen them use the word macerated to describe someone’s knee before'.”
"And:"
“'How did you break your leg?'”
"I was not aware that I had broken my leg."- ElvisAndretti
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OMG!
"I asked him what a long acronym 'FUE' the ocular oncologist wrote meant, he tried to pronounce it, shrugged, and said 'We'll just call it F*cked Up Eye'."
"It's been called that ever since."
"During the same weird cancer episode, a neurologist said my brain was 'unremarkable'."
"I mean, he's right in so many ways, but I was delighted to hear it."- zerbey
Not To Everyone's Taste...
"Proctologist inserting camera: let me know when this feels good."- CopperTop62
Tell Me Something I Don't Know...
"We got your blood work back and it turns out that you’re a Type 1 Diabetic!"
"I responded with 'yes, for the last 15 years, thank goodness I came to see a specialist'.”- jdownes316
Sarcastic Bill Burr GIF by Desus & MeroGiphy
The Sign Of A Great Weekend...
“'How the hell is there sand in here?'”
"Got really hurt at the beach and had busted an eardrum'."
"Went to the ER was told my ear was fine."
"Got back in my home state and went to an ENT doctor, had about 7 pieces of sand embedded in the membrane of my eardrum."- simplemindedturtle
To Doctors, That Could Mean Anything...
"My gynecologist said I had a 'textbook cervix' and I’m still riding that high."- No_Celebration3749
Well Then!"
''Stay here. I have to contact the state health department'."
"'Turns out I had Zica'."- Wookie_Nipple
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Good Thing He Couldn't Treat Family Members...
"Dr: Are you related to Dr _____ that works here?"
"Me: Yes, he’s my uncle."
"Dr: Do you like him?"
"Me: No he’s an absolute d*ck."
"Dr: opens door and rushes down the hallway, and I can overhear him say 'told you! Even his own family hates him' to the other docs in the office."- Reddit
Practice Makes Perfect...
"A male doctor declared that I was about to receive the best pelvic exam in my life."
"He then proceeded to chatter about how horrible they are for women so he asked his wife to help instruct him on making them as painless and comfortable as possible."
"He did not lie, it was indeed the best pelvic exam I’ve had in my life."
"Weird as f*ck to start out that way, but bless him for caring so much."- One_Science8349
Tell It Like It Is!
"'We think you might have lymphoma, but that's the cancer you want, either we'll cure it or it will just kill you, no hanging around'."- NolanTheCelt
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This Is When You Demand Credentials
"I told my doctor that I was concerned about my drinking."
"He asked why."
"I said I drank alone."
"He said 'well so do I, that's pretty normal', then I went on to explain how I did it quite often and always to the point of getting drunk, to which he replied 'well whats the point of drinking if you're not going to get drunk?'"
"I was in my early 20s and left there relieved thinking that my habits were fine and carried on."
"Almost 10 years later I really wish he'd taken me seriously."- No_Cartographer7815
Pot, Meet Kettle...
"I saw a specialist following a serious arm injury."
"He looked me up and down, glancing at my pink and blonde hair, and muttered with an eyebrow raised, 'Huh. That's an... interesting color'."
"This wouldn't be at all strange if his own hair wasn't BRIGHT BLUE."- Middle-Gas3531
Oops!
"In the ER about 2am, he didn't speak English very well."
"Starts telling me about my CAT scan and the results of it."
"Me being half asleep, I stop him and him if they took me out of the bed and put me in a machine."
"He says yes."
"I said I'm 99% sure that wasn't me."
"He says 'are you (name)?'"
"I said no."
"He flips over the next page of his note pad, 'Are you Skittlecar1?'"
"I said yes."
"Ok good."
"You're having a heart attack."
"Ended up with 5 stents and I'm all good now after some therapy."- SkittleCar1
Who Are You GIF by The Resident on FOXGiphy
Be you a psychiatrist or a neurosurgeon, transparency and clarity is always key when talking to patients.
So Doctors, be warned, choose your words carefully.
Or, at the very least, make sure you are using the correct chart!
@jaketapoer/Bluesky
@BillAckman/Twitter