Romantics who are in it to win it after falling in love do whatever it takes to hold onto relationships no matter what.
After all, any successful pairing can have longevity as long as both people involved are mature enough to put in the work long after the honeymoon phase is over.
Unfortunately, some lovers are not good matches despite good intentions, and there may have been warning signs that may have been overlooked in the pursuit of amorous loyalty.
Curious to hear from those who regretted past relationships, Redditor Fun_Bug_3858 asked:
"What red flags in a relationship do you wish you hadn’t ignored?"
Deception
"Lies about small things."
– Delicious_Badger105
"I have the feeling that many people understimate this. I grew up with an abusive, manipulative mother, and she often lied about unimportant, small details, too. And I never met anyone else who lied about small things and was a normal, mentally stable person."
– Melodic_Sail_6193
"I had a roommate who would lie about small things. She also snapped at my brother, who was also her fiance, for being in a bad mood the day after his grandma died. He wasn't snapping at anyone or anything like that, he just looked sad. She told him it was putting her in a bad mood."
"She had this way of making absolutely everything about herself. She also looked smug and amused whenever she was being disrespectful and condescending, including the example of his grandma dying."
"So yeah, never trust a compulsive liar. They're too self-centered, apathetic, and just mean-hearted. My brother is a total doormat, so they're married now. 🙁"
– Such-Anything-498
Character Flaw
"An inability to empathize with other people or take accountability for his own actions. It was everyone else's fault, but his, that he cheated on his ex before me for 6 months."
– quiet-thot
"I'm still working on the second. Grew up watching my mom always fail to simply apologize when she made a single mistake. Always had to blame it on something..."
– Superseaslug
"This so, so much. My ex would run up her credit card debt and not mention it to a soul. When notices finally started coming from collection agencies she would go to her parents, ask them to pay for it, and break down and cry whenever they asked her any questions and blame them for not understanding how difficult her life was."
"This is a woman who was raised with extreme privilege. Her parents have bought her two separate houses to live. They very recently bought her a brand new car. They have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on a constant state of paying for her education and debts though at nearly 40, the most she ever achieved was completing a 2-year nursing program."
"They also very recently have paid for a high-priced criminal and family law lawyer as she was arrested for assaulting me. She returned to school again and pays very minimal child support though she receives a ridiculously high amount to live off of."
"Quite unbelievably the last time I heard anything I found out she still lectures people about getting their lives together. I have never seen such massive cognitive dissonance in my life."
– OurWitchE
Excessive Frugality
"A bloke I dated when I was 19 sent me an invoice for a small fries which he paid for when I left my wallet at home. Note that I'd shouted him to a ski trip previously."
"So yeah, being a tight arse is a red flag."
– holly_goheavily
Positive Indicator
"They agree with you on everything. It's a red flag that they are avoiding conflict even on small things."
– Impossible-Animator6
Chemical Dependence
"Every date we had revolved around alcohol. I thought it was no big deal because he could hold his alcohol well. It became a big deal. Never date someone in active addiction."
– Wander_walker
"We got on beautifully when we were alone, but the way she behaved around other people after too much alcohol, which was her ultimate idea of a great time, was beyond insane."
"Why, why, WHY did I think marriage was the thing to do. Now I can’t afford to buy her out in a gray divorce."
– SamDBeane
Emotional abuse is sneaky.
Mask With Humor
"When they made 'jokes' that were actually thinly veiled insults. Turns out, humour shouldn't make you question your self worth."
– nendernanging
"Infuriating when they try to turn it on you that you're wrong for being upset and that I 'should've know they didn't mean it like that.' "
"Which is totally unfair because I would at least try to apologize if they were offended by something I said, not make them feel guilty for it."
– PerfectIyPerpIexed
"That's the thing, you can never respond with the same energy. That's how you know they're definitely insults, not just jokes. They've already placed themselves above you, on a social hierarchy they've created in their own heads."
"I've got a cousin I don't like talking to because of this exact reason. She thinks it's so funny to describe every thin person as 'anorexic,' but good forbid anyone says anything about her literal obesity. Her insecurity is blatantly obvious, but she's the type that would rather tear others down instead of just taking better care of herself."
"She's been like this since we were kids. I always thought she'd grow out of it eventually, but nope. She just kept growing horizontally."
– Such-Anything-498
Master Manipulator
"Excessive control masked as care and affection may seem sweet at first. You might think that the person truly cares about you and worries about your well-being. But over time, it transforms into an absolute nightmare: the control extends to every aspect of your life — from your appearance to your social media and who you interact with."
"You start to fear doing something wrong, afraid of triggering another argument, but there’s always a reason to nitpick. If you sense that you’re being controlled, don’t hesitate to stop it right away."
– ZhannaDelPiero
"I left a relationship that went exactly like this a few years ago. It’s wild how long it took me to realize what was happening. It all crashed in on me one day, and I ended up packing everything I could into my car and fleeing across the country while he was at work. I talked myself out of those “something feels wrong” thoughts too many times. Listen to your gut."
– Beep-BoopF'kYou
It can be a pattern of bad behavior often overlooked.
History Tells Us
"The fact that all of her exes were horrible people who had done horrible things to her, and she was always just the victim... there were a bunch of other red flags, but when I ran into a guy I worked with while she and I were walking into a store and she freaked out about me knowing him (he was one of her exes who she had sh*t talked to, but only referred to him by his first name), I had to question all her stories. This guy was one of the most stand-up people I'd ever met. Turns out she was batsh*t insane."
– midnighttkittenn
Violent Tantrums
"Ex throwing and breaking things when he was angry over trite sh*t. Ignored it because it was directed at objects and I’ve thrown things in anger before."
"However, after we married he started throwing things at me and wouldn’t stop after I warned him multiple times that behavior was a dealbreaker. And the things he broke were always my things. I left him. He was stunned."
– TheCactusCame2Life
Revealing Response
"OHHH I should’ve ran when I heard my ex’s reaction to a sad story."
"I was one day telling my ex about a family friend whose son (30, married, good life and was in the middle of getting a PhD), had a heart attack, lost oxygen to his brain and became mentally and physically handicapped. Sh**ty American health insurance hardly covered his treatments, and he was left with needing expensive therapies, hospital stays, and medications."
"Of course the community came together to fundraise the money for them. Well, since his wife was still married to him, this fundraised money was also technically her money. One night, she took it all and ran. There was nothing that could be done."
"My ex’s reaction: 'Well that was her right to do so. What’s the problem? It’s not illegal?' ”
"He ended up being so nasty to me and that right there should’ve been my reason to leave. Huge red flag that I ignored."
– pearpearl255
Elder's Perspective
"When his own grandma told me I deserved better. I thought she was just joking around."
– Appropriate_Sky_6571
Sometimes, to a fault, many of us try to see the best in people because we believe in their capacity to exhibit kindness and compassion for others.
But the examples mentioned above are a reminder we shouldn't avoid that nagging feeling in our gut warning us that our endeavor to seek the good in people who are unfit for meaningful relationships is a lost cause.
Follow your heart, yes, but always trust your instincts. Our conscience is there for a reason.
@lpeterp/Bluesky
@FPWellman/X
@bobsbeatgmail.com5/Threads
