"I told her..."

"I told her not to drink and drive."

fdnytyler1962

Thank you for being a responsible human being! You undoubtedly saved some lives that night.

"Because I checked..."

"Because I checked there wasn't bird poop on a park bench before sitting on it. I wasn't manly enough to not look and just sit in bird poop."

chamel321

Wait, wait, wait a sec... WHAT.

What is wrong with people?

I guess I'd be fine with that if I were you because I like my pants to stay clean.

"Our first kiss..."

"Our first kiss, which was a peck on the cheek before I walked into an exam, "wasn't passionate enough" and he based our entire relationship on that and dump me. Was nice enough to wait until the exam was over."

okapi-forest-unicorn

Oh, my. What a gentleman.

Not.

You dodged a bullet.

"I was her first..."

"I was her first everything. Kiss, sex, boyfriend. Her friends convinced her she needs to date other men to have an informed decision before deciding if I was the one. She dumped me. Two divorces later and she emailed me out of the blue wanting to chat."

ThatLightningCount

Oh, hell no.

Kick her to the virtual curb.

"She said I looked..."

"She said I looked too young. Grew and never shaved my beard off after that."

FranjoBasno

"About five years ago..."

"About five years ago, I ended up having a miscarriage, I was more devastated than my ex was BUT the reason for the break up was actually his mother. She convinced him he should be with a woman who can actually give him a child rather than lose one. So for that reason, and quite a few more but that was the main one, he broke up with me."

LovesMeTacos125

That's how he reacted? Imagine how he would have been had you stayed.

You're better off––sorry for your loss.

"Her family didn't like..."

"Her family didn't like that I was white. We actually dated for a few years, but eventually, her parents convinced her."

ActualRealBuckshot

"She thought Harry Potter..."

"She thought Harry Potter lured children into Satanism."

TheWrongBakedPotato

People still think that?

The early 2000s called and what their culture war nonsense back.

"My dad had heart surgery..."

"My dad had heart surgery and was in isolation with complications. The girl I was with at the time broke up with me because I wouldn't take her to the hospital to meet him while in isolation."

BrokePirate

"A guy broke up with me..."

"A guy broke up with me because I hung out with my mom too much."

dumpsterfire1998

Given that there's a pandemic going on, I'm not exactly mad about not dating at the moment. Cuts out a lot of these issues. Maybe some people have gotten their acts together over the last year... we can only hope.

Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!