Husband No Longer Wears Wedding Band After Honeymoon Phase, And Wife Seeks Advice On How To Broach The Topic

How's the fit?

Maybe the ring is truly just uncomfortable for him/loose fitting and he's worried he might lose it. I'd tell him how much it means to you and perhaps suggest buying an alternative silicon ring that is less expensive and more comfortable.

Herml660

Great advice, thank you! I don't think I've really stressed how important and meaningful to me wearing a ring is to him yet. My parents never loved each other and were miserable, but stayed together for my sake. They never wore their rings except for big events/to see family so I guess it's a bit of a sore spot for me when I see that my husband isn't wearing his.

xcxc6879

Compromise?

What if he put the ring on the necklace?

halfascoolashansolo

I've had that thought for myself (wearing a ring is a hard-no for me), but then I'm pretty sure people would think I'm a widower.

Alt_For_Shitposting

Make it art! 

My dad hated wearing his ring so he got one tattooed on his ring finger. Its a subtle little decorative design around his finger, but he has to get it touched up every couple years.

DarkFox56

I did this too. My now-wife and I dated for several years before getting married last year. I've never been into hand jewelry and I'm bad about losing little things like that so we decided that I would try wearing a cheap silicon ring. It didn't go great. I lost two of them in the first few months and always found myself fidgeting with it. I got frustrated and decided to get a simple black line tattoo on my ring finger. It's been a great compromise. I get to have a symbol that signifies my dedication to the relationship and I don't have to remember to put it on every day when I wake up.

throwpornbrub

Stop fidgeting... 

To give you a different anecdotal perspective, my parents have been happily married for more than 30 years, and my dad has never regularly worn his ring. He's a fidgeter and has lost three of them, and just can't wear jewelry.
My mom only takes her set off when doing dishes and art projects. I asked her about it once and she said she felt insecure about it at first and talked to him about it, and he tried really hard with several rings and just couldn't do it. Eventually she realized it wasn't about the symbolism for him.

But I've noticed they do hold hands in public a lot and other sorts of very mild PDA like touching her arm and feeding her from his fork to taste his food, so I think they've just found other ways to affirm their relationship publicly.

Ambystomatigrinum

Don't overthink it...

Hey, I don't want this to take away from you feeling that your husband wearing his wedding is important, because that's perfectly valid, but I just wanted to share that my parents have been married 30 years, are perfectly happy, and neither of them ever wear their wedding rings. They just don't feel like it. In fact, they haven't worn them for as long as I can remember.

mshtrtz

Know the facts...

Your husband does not wear the ring to these events to keep up appearances like your parents did. He has his own reasons. Maybe he does it because he sees it as jewelry, something fancy he wears to dress up for you. Or maybe he wears it because he thinks you want him to wear it at these events and he's trying to make you happy. Or another reason. Can you ask him? "husband, why do you not wear the ring daily but still wear it to family events?"

I think once you know his motivation behind it, his reasons will overwrite the sad memories of your parents.

caused_a_sparky

You are not your parents...

Do keep this in mind. You cannot allow past history to dictate what you do now and I know that's a hard thing to do. Your husband is not your father and you are not your mother. There is love❤️ Too often that's how fights and arguments and bitterness start between couples they allow a bad past incident to dictate how they decide to act in the present and it's just not healthy. Our premarital counselor hit on this and I thought it was great advice.

justhewayouare

Some a small issue... for some... 

After reading your post and seeing you say he's a programmer, then reading this part about you thinking about your parents marriage when you see his naked ring finger... I'm thinking this is more your head making you think there's a problem with his love for you, and not an actual problem with his love for you.

I think you should really tell him how much you care about the ring, because it doesn't sound like you have yet - but please do go to therapy for yourself to deal with the actions of your parents and prevent that from becoming a problem in your own marriage.

My husband's a software engineer, too - and I honestly couldn't tell you if I've even seen his wedding ring in the last year. I don't currently know where my engagement ring is, either (which is actually upsetting me right now because it's awesome and I suck at remembering where I've put things, but I'm only worried about it because I think I've lost it and I'm trying to figure out where it is - not because he cares about me not wearing it). He also fidgets with his ring often when he does wear it, and because it's the only ring he's ever worn he's often complaining about how it fits and feels like it's going to fall off, and he gets anxious that he'll lose it and will upset me by not knowing where it is, or he'll tell me he thinks that I'll think he's cheating on me if he loses it and comes home without it on and I notice it's missing (this is actually how we had the conversation where we figured out neither of us really care about the actual rings themselves).

I guess my point is that the physical rings really don't matter at all when it comes to the marriage itself. Whether his finger is naked or has the ring on it doesn't matter to me, and never has, because he's what matters to me. I'm not trying to imply that you don't love him - I'm trying to get you to see that you do love him, and he loves you, and that's what you should be focused on.

What it sounds like is that you're basically happy and enjoying your awesome life, but getting distracted and finding fault with something where there is no problem. I'm suggesting therapy because you have seen a crappy marriage and it seems you're being triggered by this symptom of a bad marriage that you saw in your parents marriage, even though it doesn't exist in your marriage.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I really don't mean to sound like I'm blaming you or anything. I'm just trying to point out something that looks pretty obvious based on what you've said in your post and comments, that might not seem that obvious to you when you're in the middle of it).

justarandomcommenter

The material could be the thorn... 

I will say, titanium and especially tungsten rings are horrible if you're in an accident. Jaws-of-life can't cut through tungsten, and titanium's sorta 50/50, so if you're in an accident and your hand swells... that finger will need to be cut off before the ring because otherwise it's a gangrene and infection risk.

RainbowPhoenixGirl

Be direct and simple...

Tell him what you need in simple terms.

"I need to feel secure in our marriage. When you don't put on your wedding ring, it reminds me of my parents terrible marriage where they never wore their rings and it makes me sad. I'd really appreciate it if you could make an effort to wear it everyday."

This is an effective way to say it, but understand one thing: You are asking your husband to change his behavior to deal with your own issues and insecurities. Since he clearly loves you so much, I'm sure he will accommodate, but it is inevitable he will feel a tad resentful. If he does start wearing the ring more often, be sure to mention to him (often!) how grateful you are that he is willing to change his routine to make you happy.

cstrife32

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