Stay on the line Sir...

"Stay on the line sir, there is a homicide investigation underway here. We have secured the premises and are going through the personal belongings of the victims. Can you tell me what your relation to Mr. Johnson was exactly? What is the nature of your business relationship?" warpus

Rude. 

There is a little known language that only 70k people speak (it's called Rumantsch), I'm one of them. Usually I go along with the scam and for some reason they just hang up on me. iamsantafromhell

How rude of them! thevalliant1

Louder!

I pretend I'm going into labor and need them to talk me through the delivery.

You'd be shocked how many stay on the line and try to remember what to do in the situation. RoadOdeLoad

Make sure to screech violently at random times in the call. curvycrocs

I work with you.... 

I pretend to work for whatever company they pretend to work at. It usually confuses them a lot. The ones that aren't confused are just down right pissed. depresso_espresso2

My mom has been getting the social security scam calls. The first one scared her so badly. But I figured out it was scam. Now they are calling 3-4 times a day. I have thought about telling them that I work at the local office and that I have allowed the police to record the calls and trace them I'm getting really pissed that they keep threatening my mom.

So I love your answer. I really think tomorrow when they call again I'm going to do it. HarleyQuin1031

LIVE!

"Hello caller, you're on the air!" kaoszombie

Password.

Say you've been meaning to ring and them ask them whether they've secured the package. EarthMarsUranus

Caller: "Hi, I'm calling from the Social Security Administration. If you don't pay $500 in iTunes gift cards your social security will be cancelled."

Me: "Password accepted. Has the eagle landed?"

Click. thevalliant1

Zoda. 

My uncle used to pretend he was a cult leader and would try to persuade the scam callers to join his movement.colorstoobright

"Please, grip the toothpaste tube firmly between your hands and with tremendous effort push forth your minty paste in recognition of Zoda, our founder and custodian of Revenge." JohnRossOneAndOnly

Calm Down. 

I try to get a twofer when it comes to scam callers. I give them my best Russian accent, at first sounding angry, but then I 'calm down' and get nice with them. After that, I tell them to contact my new cell phone number instead and I give them the number to this fool that hits on my girlfriend. OverthinkingMachine

Fraud.

"Hello, this is the United States Fraud investigation administration. Your call my be recorded and tracked for security purposes. How may I help you?" SugoiBakaMatt

This has to be one of the best ones yet. Indigo-Winged-Wolf

Bi-Lingual.

I just speak another language. They get pretty mad when I refuse to speak in English and eventually rage-end the call.sleepyhollow_101

45 Minutes. 

I had this guy going for damn near 45 minutes. He was talking about cleaning ducts and I was talking about cleaning ducks. BenjoMoyer555

Ha ! This is exactly what I do if I'm in the mood for it, just mis hear and run with it, drives them insane. mysqlpimp

Wanna Date?

I'm a guy. If it's another man on the line I flirt hard, trying to get a date.

They'll hang up. It's good in one way that they stopped calling, but then I didn't get the date. So I'm torn if this is good or bad. llcucf80

You're Better Than This. 

Tell them they're better than this and try to motivate them into getting a real job.

That or recite copy/paste. garfunkalox

I asked the last Social Security scammer if he was happy with his life. He answered yes then hung up. I think he was lying. thevalliant

How can we satisfy you today?

When I was in college, my friend answered the telemarketer by saying, "Hello, this is Jim's Brothel House, where you got the dough, we got the goods. How can we satisfy you today?"

There was like, an awkward silence for twenty seconds until he/she hung up. TuxedoCatSupremacist

Too Late.

When they call and threaten to send me to jail for not paying my taxes I explain that I'm already in jail for not paying my taxes. hidadiminjaaail

"What you gonna do? Send me to double-jail?" maybebabyg

Languages....

I speak to them as a very confused Japanese boy, and when I think they've had enough, I switch to Dutch to confuse them further. Spicy_Gouda

I need to watch more anime to improve my Japanese impression. thevalliant

Fraud.

Funny story about this one. I work in the Fraud Department for a large credit card company. We regularly get calls on our WORK PHONES from scammers claiming they are from the Company I work for and that they can offer me a lower interest rate. I like to get all excited that we both work for the same company and ask for their employee ID so that I can look them up in our employee directory. They usually hang up when I tell them that, for some reason, I can't find them.JekyllandJavert

I am not a Scammer!

I keep them on the line as long as I can. The more time they spend messing with me is the least time they spend scamming someone else. So far I had one guy spend 30 minutes convincing me he wasn't a scammer. JazRose35

Hold Please.

Put them on hold. Literally just leave the phone somewhere and go about your day until they hang up. Bonus points if you can get some annoying music to play in the background. _cosmicomics_

This is what I do, but rather than annoying, it's just whatever I'm listening to. I put the phone on the laptop speaker and every time they try to say something I turn the volume up a bit. The theme from Wonder Woman is a pretty good one to mess with them, as it goes really quiet than blasts in again. geekmum2

The Teapot. 

My buddy and I like to pretend to be old people. I'll start off as an old man go into way too much detail about everything and have a background story for everything. Then my buddy will chime in with something in the background. Eventually we will start bickering back and fourth about who left the teapot on and just keep going until we get hung up on. A-Late-Wizard