The All-Time Worst Excuses People Have Ever Given For Cheating

Not 'Meant' for Monogamy

"When they get caught, they try to play the 'humans aren't meant to be monogamous' card."

"I'm like, 'If you don't believe in monogamy, why did you even marry in the first place only to cheat later? You could join a free love hippies commune at any time. But that's not what you did...'"

- fepivo6620

Coming Out as Polyamorous

"I know a girl that cheated, and when she was inevitably caught, said she was 'coming out' as polyamorous."

"She was dead serious and fully expected our support and everything."

- fxckfxckgames

"The difference between polyamory and cheating is informed mutual consent among all parties."

"It's not a sexual orientation, you can't just 'come out' as polyamorous. It's something your partner(s) have to know about and (willingly, not coerced) agree to. Otherwise, you're cheating and making excuses for your s**tty behavior."

- spla_ar42

"Lmao (laughing my a** off), get out of here. Actual poly people would know how important communication is beforehand."

"I would have laughed in her stupid, cheating face."

- kosherkitties

So, Grief Is An Aphrodisiac Now?

"She said, 'It was the anniversary of my cousin's death and I wasn't in my right mind. You know how upset I was. Blaming me is classic victim blaming. You should be COMFORTING me!'"

"This was AFTER I offered to stay with her for the night but she said she wanted to be alone."

"I wish I could say I immediately left her, but it took two months and a second cheating incident. That time she said she was upset over a bad grade (seriously)."

"I walked away. And I blocked her. The bizarre part is how she kept trying to contact me for four years after that. She even confronted me in the parking lot on my first day of work, begging me to take her back. Why f**k around so indiscriminately if you want to be with someone?"

"Anyway, I stopped trying to figure her out long ago."

"It was my first relationship (age 15 to 18), and I was a naive fool."

"I'm not jaded now, but I know a h**l of a lot better."

- midnightsonofab***h

"I am sure her cousin would have been very proud of her using his death as an excuse to cheat and then call herself the victim."

- Acceptable-Stay-3166

Everyone Hates Mercury Retrograde

"My ex was very into astrology. She cheated and later blamed the great American eclipse of August 2017."

- henoney389

"SORRY I KEYED YOUR CAR, LOL (LAUGHING OUT LOUD). I'M SUCH AN ASPARAGUS."

- Skwerilleee

"I think you mean the MOON is in GATORADE."

- Zmb7elwa

So Sweet of them

"'I didn’t even enjoy it, because I was thinking about you the whole time, and I felt terrible.”

- fepivo6620

Those Undeniable Needs

"He said, 'You were at the hospital for two weeks. A man has needs."

- Wichita_Falls_Texas

"My girlfriend had a contagious skin infection for several months, and the post-infection management was even longer. We put off sex for about a whole year, and not once did thoughts of cheating occur to me."

"I’m sorry you had to endure that. Not all men are like him."

- Expensive_Presence_4

Growing the Family, and the Relationship

"They said, 'My wife was pregnant, so I wasn't getting any.'"

- tefama5759

"If I remember correctly, pregnancy is the time or one of the times when women are cheated on the most."

- RBNrando

"This breaks my heart."

- LoreGeek

At Least It Didn't "Matter"

"They said, 'It’s not like it meant anything.' Oh good, glad we cleared that up."

- fepivo6620

"Yet you threw our relationship away over it. So what I'm hearing is I mean less than nothing to you."

- LeRuseRenard

Increased... Appreciation

"He really said, 'I’m just on Tinder to confirm that there’s nothing better out there. It helps me appreciate you more.'"

- tivige8195

Getting a Jump on Things

"My previous partner told me that he cheated because he insisted that he 'thought I was going to break up with him anyways,' so he started seeing other women."

"I believe this was just another one of his manipulation tactics to put the blame on ME for his actions. To this day, I cannot fathom the mental gymnastics he had to do to justify his decisions... Lol (laughing out loud)."

- cuteemogirlfriend

"I wonder if he's familiar with the term 'self-fulfilling prophecy'?"

- Browncoat85

"Well, he is now."

- cuteemogirlfriend

Cheat or Be Cheated On

"My last boyfriend said he cheated because he thought I had already cheated. But I did not cheat on him."

"He felt like an a**face when he realized I didn't... But he lowkey still thinks I did."

- _mel-issa

For the Sake of the Relationship

"My college roommate would cheat on his girlfriend a few times a semester, and then feel awful about it and realize how much he loved his girlfriend."

"He started to rationalize that 'you need to cheat to stay faithful.'"

- henoney389

​Opportunities to Cheat

"Oh, this thread reminds me of my ex, who was just a complete s**tbag."

"He didn't cheat, but he nearly did, and he told me about it and said 'Hey, I was really drunk and still didn't cheat, everyone around was so so proud of me and said I must really like you. They all thought I did amazing for not cheating on you even though I had a proper chance to do it, so I thought I'd tell you about it.'"

"I just raised my eyebrow at him. I remember that I did hang up on him a few times and told him that it wasn't massively impressive when he was being a d**k. He was very abusive so I couldn't safely leave him, though. If it was safe to do so, I would've dumped his a** right there and then."

"I know he's on Reddit so he'll likely see this, and good riddance because he's a complete t**t. If you see this, you know who you are, and I think you can go to h**l for what you did to me."

- Complete-Mess4054

All About the Rush

"The answer is because cheaters get off on cheating. It gives them a thrill that a 'normal' relationship can't give them."

"This is why I say cheaters will always cheat, because they crave the excitement of it."

"They don't give a s**t about monogamy or non-monogamy; they just find it fun to cheat. They also enjoy chasing after other people who are in relationships because it's more fun for them to chase after someone who's already taken rather than to find someone who's not."

"In other words, they're sociopaths who get off on causing misery to satisfy their own selfish desires."

- MissGrim66

It's clear why these Redditors thought these were the worst explanations for cheating.

Not only do some of them not make sense, but they're a total dismissal of the cheater's accountability in the relationship.

While realizing that a partner you loved was cheating is already bad enough, it seems that receiving a terrible, ingenuine reason for the act would only serve to make it worse.