Dating a person with roommates is always a challenge.
It's hard enough managing a relationship, let alone having to get along with and defer to the preferences of whatever randos your significant other is splitting the rent with.
Suffice to say, a woman who recently posted her struggles with her boyfriend's roommate to Reddit is not handling those struggles particularly well.
The woman's story (which has since been deleted) was posted to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit, where people can post their dilemmas and appeal to anonymous strangers to determine where the guilt lies by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
The Original Poster (OP) titled her post:
"AITA for telling my boyfriend that it's highly inappropriate for his female roommate to be walking around without pants on?"
And it becomes clear pretty much right away how this one is gonna go:
"Hi, so I've (21f[emale]) been with my boyfriend (21m[ale]) for 9 months now. He has a female roommate (19f) that apparently is like his "little sister" and they live in his apartment together."
"It's never been an issue with me, like obviously the idea of my boyfriend living with some girl isn't exactly the most fantastic idea but hey what can you do. They're like best friends which has always kind of irked me a bit but that's not the issue here."
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Sounds like that's definitely the issue here, but go on.
"The issue is that every single time I stay over there, I wake up to her cooking breakfast in just panties and a tshirt or a tank top or skimpy shorts or something. I've just kind of ignored it because it's like, it's her place too so I can't tell her what not to wear. But it just has always felt inappropriate and disrespectful to me."
"Sometimes she walks around in just a robe, and you can't see anything but it's still weird to me. But yesterday I was on facetime with my boyfriend and I saw her walk by in the background and she was wearing VERY cheeky panties with a shirt on that only covered half of her butt. I obviously had a cow."
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Uh oh, sounds like there's major drama incoming...
"I told him that it was inappropriate and disrespectful for her to be walking around like that, knowing you have a girlfriend. It caused a big fight and he got mad at me for even accusing him of anything. He told me that she was like his 'little sister' and he's 'never' looked at her that way."
"He made excuses about how things just tend to look more revealing on her because she's more 'curvy'. He said it was her house too and that if he can walk around in boxers, she can walk around wearing underwear."
Kinda hard to argue with that...
"So I told him to stop wearing boxers around and texted her and told her she needs to cover up and stop being rude."
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Well that seems over a line or two...
"He is now PI*SED and is convinced that I'm some insecure a**hole. He told me that I'm being too fu*king much and that I just need to get over it and leave her be."
"AITA for getting upset and calling him out about it? I feel like any woman would be upset but maybe I am the a*shole since it is her house and all/:"
As you may have guessed, OP's fellow Redditors were crystal clear on their stance on this one.
"YTA for not trusting your boyfriend. YTA for thinking you it's ok to tell another person what to wear/not wear in their own home. Seems like you might have trust issues or something that you need to work on. It's totally normal to walk around without pants in your own home." --habannes
"...Don't wait 9 mths into a relationship before speaking up if you had a problem with it before you should have mentioned it then not 9 mths later."
"Sorry but YTA" --20MLSE20
"Also, she clearly dislikes this girl, with lots of little jabs throughout the post about how 'obviously I don't like that he's living with a girl,' and etc. She's looking for any excuse to get this girl out—she was even upset about the girl wearing 'short shorts.' What's next, is OP gonna ban her boyfriend from leaving the house in summer because other girls might be wearing 'skimpy' clothes? YTA." --charlottecunningham
"YTA. Exactly. And OP, just so you know, this isn't how 'any woman' would react. It's insecure behaviour and you messaging the roommate is you disrespecting her and this shouldn't be a normalized or accepted thing because it's creepy and controlling." --thnks-fr-th-memories
"YTA if you don't trust your boyfriend and you think he's going to be turned by a butt cheek, then break up with him. But how dare you try to control what someone else wears in the privacy of their own house." --whyyallsodumb
Though not everyone was anti-OP.
Some people empathized with her discomfort.
"You're delusional if you think the bf's or his roommates behavior isn't problematic for 99% of relationships." --LowConfusion
"I agree ...I don't think it's normal to walk around in underwear with your roommate, that is a little bit weird." --kb709
"Its... pretty weird that his defense was that things just look skimpy on her because she is curvy. That is not a thing a brother would say..." --Music_withRocks_In
And a few felt like everyone in this scenario was some level of a**hole.
"ESH I can't believe how many people are saying y t a. The vast majority of people would be uncomfortable with this situation. People are like she can wear what she wants in her own home, OK so what if she wants to be naked? Are you seriously going to defend that?"
"Yes op should not have texted roommate it's not her place but come on the bf is clearly being a shi*ty bf. If you have a female best friend you live with, surely you do as much as you can to emphasise to your gf that she has nothing to worry about. He's never going to make a relationship last if he keeps insisting on hanging out partially clothed with his hot female friend."
"I think yes op overstepped, but the relationship is doomed and bf and roommate will never have a relationship work until they either get together or learn boundaries." --ellynora25
"I can't believe all the y.t.a.s here! I used to have a roommate in my house that I own and I still would NEVER walk around common areas in underwear and t-shirt?? That's inappropriate whether the roommate has a partner or not imo. ESH." --edmandarnditt
It seems we can all learn a lesson here.
If you don't trust your partner, your relationship is doomed, don't tell people what they can and cannot do in their own house and perhaps most important of all, invest in a nice robe.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*
This full length soft hooded fleece robe is available here.