Self-isolation has a way of pushing relationships.
Some partnerships were forced to move in together, suddenly.
Other people are at home with their parents for the first time in years. Roommates are becoming the best of friends or worse enemies than ever.
For one young woman, staying at home produced a wildly awkward one-sided love triangle.
Her name on Reddit, where she spilled her guts about the whole ordeal, is "throwRAsoangry." That is a uniquely created username made purely to lash out at a family member. This 20-year-old woman is raging.
After some infuriating behavior on the part of her sister, throwRAsoangry turned to the "Relationship Advice" subReddit. She's clearly at the end of her interpersonal rope and needs help crafting the next move.
Her lengthy post describes the details of her life at home in isolation with her 21-year-old boyfriend and sister, who shamelessly flirts with him. In this case, harmony under one roof did NOT fall into place.
She kicks off with backstory about why her 28-year-old sister is there in the first place.
"My mom called me two weeks ago, pleading to let my sis stay with me because she doesn't have a job right now and she can't stay alone during quarantine. Both my parents are high risk. My mom has heart problems and my dad is asthmatic."
"So I thought I should let her stay with me and my bf instead of letting her go to my parents in case she infects them. There's been a few cases where she is so I didn't want to risk it."
But the real-life practice of of supportive family principals is very different than the theory.
"Now I'm honestly starting to regret it. Her behavior is creepy and strange and downright disgusting."
"First of all, she doesn't respect me at all. She's constantly ignoring me while having long talks with my boyfriend. She doesn't leave my boyfriend alone!She flirts with him and constantly tries to touch him by using cheap tricks."
Clearly, things have escalated.
She shares a list of her uncomfortable flirting.
"When we watch movies, she pushes me away and tries to snuggle with my boyfriend."
"She slaps his butt when he walks by and loudly tells him how he has a 'perky little butt.' "
"She also runs her fingers through his hair everyday saying, 'Whoaaa your hair is so soft' or some sh*t like that. WHAT THE F*CK."
And the list goes on and on.
"These are all just excuses to touch him. She just needs a chance. Another thing she does is ask him if he has abs so she can touch his torso. Or say, 'Did you see this thing I lost, maybe it's in your pocket, let me see' and proceed to pat his thighs."
"One time she wanted help with hooking her bra and she just f*cking walks out in her underwear. She came to our room and my boyfriend was in the bathroom. The logical thing to do is just fucking ask ME I'm her sister!"
"But what does she do? She just waits for my boyfriend and asks him instead even though I'm sitting right there!"
"I think I looked VERY upset because my boyfriend just told her no and she went back to her room. She didn't try that again."
Things went even further than that.
Over time, this sister grew bolder. She graduated from flirting when the opportunity fell into her lap to full on making the opportunity happen.
"This is not even all. My boyfriend and I can't even talk to each other without her interrupting us. She barges into our room with no warning."
"A few days ago, we were trying to have sex and I don't know how the f*ck she realized it and starting banging on the door claiming to have a headache."
"I opened the door and asked her what was wrong. I told her I had pills for it but she just said she doesn't trust me and she wanted to talk to my boyfriend instead."
"After disturbing us, she was suddenly completely fine and her headache disappeared miraculously. She just came into our bedroom and started talking to my boyfriend. We were literally half naked and there was no way she didn't know!"
"This is driving me crazy. What does she want? Why is she like this? It's not like I didn't talk to her. I was so angry she interrupted us because she has been doing this since she came here. I was feeling horny and angry."
"I just told her to get out and that we needed some alone time. I don't want to go into details but we had a small argument and she started crying."
The laundry list given, she now wonders what to do.
You'll notice there seem to be as many questions as statements.
She is shaking mad and stuck.
"The thing is she never accepts it! She's completely blind to what she's doing. She denies doing it and sheds tears which ends up making me feel bad instead."
"My boyfriend is so uncomfortable by all of this. He just looks exhausted all the time. He's trying his best to be nice but she's all over him all the time. He's usually very introverted/shy/quiet."
"He's not very confrontational and I know this is bothering him. When I talked to him about it, he just commented that it was a bad idea to invite her to stay here. He also said not to invite her ever again."
"I want to know why she is like this. How can I make her see what she's doing? I'm done dealing with her. I don't want to see her ever again, but she's my parents' favorite child and no matter how hard I try, I can never escape her."
But it's even more complicated.
When she has completely had it and decides to act, she has to go up against her parents.
They always push the needle back.
"Whenever I try to cut contacts with her, my mom calls me and begs me to forgive her. My mom doesn't want to see her daughters fighting with each other and she always says how she wants us to be together forever."
"But I can't do this. How am I supposed to deal with this? Can someone please tell me. My mom is always taking my sister's side in everything and it's always me who has to be 'understanding' and 'smart' and 'older' when I'M THE YOUNGER ONE HERE!"
This brings us to the advice subReddit.
She ends the post with an open-ended question for the Reddit community.
"Please tell me I'm not overreacting. How do I make my mom and sister realize that I'm sick of dealing with this?"
The highest rated comments in the thread shared a couple common themes.
This sister needs to be kicked out and the young woman's parents are not stepping up.
"Kick her out. She is sexually harassing your boyfriend."
"You can't control what your parents do. They will probably take her in from what you've said here. That's on them."
"If you push your relationship by keeping her in your house despite her making your boyfriend rightfully uncomfortable with behavior you clearly recognize as wrong, that's on you." -- Kiriderik
"So... your mother will still stand for your sister while she is waaaay out of boundaries with your couple..."
"How do you feel about kicking her out and stop this toxic relationship ? Yeah, it will hurt, but you have no solution." -- PathsofConsciousness
"She is 28 and has no place to go, and is acting this bad with you? Absolutely kick her out. I wouldn't give her any more 'chances.' "
"Take care of yourself and your boyfriend. Good on you for being independent of your unsupportive parents." -- MaryK007
"Keep a spray bottle nearby and every time she pulls a stunt, spray water in her face accompanied by a firm NO. If that doesn't work, try using a rolled up newspaper."
"No wait, she's not a cat who doesn't understand better. She knows exactly what she's doing and why it upsets you, she just doesn't care. Throw her out and let your parents deal with the monster they have created." -- Eye_Enough_Pea
Plenty of comments strongly urged that she defend her boyfriend more actively.
"She is sexually harassing your BF. You aren't defending your BF. Have fun with your BF now that he knows you don't have his back when it's him vs your family." -- Katsyy
"She is harassing your SO and you have done very little to protect him against her. You know exactly what she's doing and why."
"You have a choice, let her stay and ruin your relationship, or grow a spine and kick her out."
"This is not acceptable and I think you are an absolute idiot for not dealing with this sooner." -- FluffbucketFester
"Your sister is a sexual predator. Get her the f*ck away from yourself and your boyfriend. The poor guy is being forced to withstand sexual harassment daily." -- immediatethor
"Dude... how do you think your boyfriend feels about this??? Now you need to put your fucking foot down before he leaves you for all this drama you're putting him through."
"It's YOUR life, but also he's YOUR boyfriend, you need to have some respect for him and talk to your sister to stop the assault he's putting up with."
"Stop making excuses when you know this could be draining on your relationship with him." -- nak1727
The consensus of the Reddit community is even in times when finding a place to stay is the hardest it's ever been, there is absolutely still a line.
If you cross that line, you're out.
The book But It's Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath is available here.
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