Vroom. Vroom.

I can hear when my neighbors vacuum. Our building tends to vacuum together as a result. I hear my upstairs neighbor and go "oh hey i should vacuum haven't done that in awhile and its already noisy." Then my downstairs neighbor and my left hand neighbor start vacuuming. It's kinda hilarious. My right hand neighbor doesn't vacuum with us but does sing opera while doing dishes. SurvivingJupiter

2 A.M. 

Years ago I had an upstairs neighbor. At 2am, every night, I would hear something sprint across the entire apartment. I realized three things, it was very fast, it took small strides, and it never deviated from its path. One day, I saw my neighbor outside and I said, "I don't know how you have energy at 2am?" He responded with, "Dude, I've been working the midnight to 8am shift for 15 years. Doesn't bother me at all.

"That night, I watched him leave his house, drive off, and waited two hours. At exactly 2am, I heard what sounded like two feet hit the floor in his bedroom, and the marathon started.

A few weeks later, I see him outside. I tell him what I hear at night and he says, "That's strange, no one has my keys, it's just me and my rabbit up there." MancetheLance

For Good Measure.

I once heard a former roommate laughing with his then girlfriend about how they're screwing me over on money. Turned out they were taking my utility portion and buying various games and alcohol.

Instead of confronting them, I confirmed what they said with the utilities company (they hadn't paid the bill is 2 months) and I moved all my stuff out that day while they were at work. For good measure, I took myself off the lease and told them about the GF that had been there 6 months. Azurko

TWICE?!?! Miracles.

I've heard and felt the neighbors upstairs having sex.

And apparently they like to rearrange the furniture at least twice a week. 3720-To-One

The Phantom. 

I actually manage an apartment complex where my office is surrounded by a one bedroom unit. The building is old and the walls are thin. The tenant that used to live in the unit was a quiet man but would frequently sing beautiful opera music. His voice was amazing and I loved it every time I heard him sing!

Then one time I saw him in the halls and made the mistake of asking if he was the one who sang these beautiful opera songs. His face turned red but he confirmed that it was him. I told him that I always enjoyed it when I heard him sing and that it would always brighten my day.

Never should have said anything because I never heard him sing again. _Funke_

Damn it Jessica!

I once heard an argument that went a little like this:

"Stop treating me like I'm stupid!"

"You asked if Seahorses were mammals, Jessica!"

"THEY GIVE LIVE BIRTH." ApplepieButterfly

Ummm... 911?

My upstairs neighbors taking turns zapping each other with a stun gun, hitting the floor, groaning in pain, and then laughing like Beavis and Butthead.. yesnogoodbye

Secrets.

Heard the couple next door arguing. The wife was furious because she realized he had been cheating on her after she found out she had chlamydia. He tried to convince her that she must have been the unfaithful one. She still lives there. He doesn't. thedesertnomad

Second Floor....

I lived on the second of three floors. Below me, there was a couple who scheduled their fights for Saturday night. You could hear the female absolutely berating the male, saying how he looked at another girl while they were out or something like that, and he would do nothing but resignedly respond in a monotone voice. I couldn't hear his side- it was very much like the teacher in Charlie Brown. Then, the morning after, without fail, they would have crazy loud makeup sex.

Above me was a drummer. Now I wouldn't mind it, except he practiced early and late, and never really got any better. It was painful. Luckily he was kicked out, and the punching bag guy took his place! At least he kept a consistent beat... Even when it shook my entire apartment. Astrea23

The Stairwell.....

In college, I lived in a crappy apartment nearby the school, that was mostly populated by students. Halfway to class one day, I realized I forgot a book and had to rush back to my apartment to get it. As I was running up the stairs (which shared a wall with the stairs in the next door apartment, which mirrored my own) I could have sworn I heard someone yelling. I ignored it and ran to my room to grab my book.

As I clambered downstairs, again I heard yelling, and I paused to listen. I heard some unintelligible moaning, and eventually heard the words "help me," weakly groaned from the stairs next door. I rushed out and tried their door, but it was locked. I totally forgot about my class and ran to the apartment management office, hoping that someone was there. A manager was, thank goodness, and after I explained the situation, she grabbed her master keys and we booked it back to my neighbor's place.

She opened the door and the poor guy was laying in the stairwell (it was one of the ones that goes up halfway to the second floor, then turns 90 degrees for the rest of the way), clearly having fallen. I called 911 while the manager ran over to the guy. Ambulance came and picked him up, and I later learned that he had fallen down the stairs after passing into a brief diabetic coma.

I guess he hadn't eaten in some time; I don't know too much about how diabetes works. Anyhow, to this day, I feel grateful that I forgot that book. That poor guy could have died, slumped halfway down the stairs with his face in the carpet. thatdanglion

Tiny Furniture?

My upstairs neighbors used to do the furniture moving thing. We both had studio apartments and it was a huge mystery to me how they could move what sounded like a warehouse full of furniture for an hour in such a tiny place. york100

Oh William....

"William! We do not hit!"

His mom was visiting. He was 30. HungryLikeTheWolf99

Daddy....

My downstairs neighbors are a couple with a one year old boy. The babies room is right under mine. They speak so sweetly to him I'm not even mad that I can hear them so clearly.

One morning the dad went in to get the baby out of bed and I hear him go "can you say daddy? Can you say daddy?" And in the tiniest little voice I heard "daddy." My heart melted. Kaaitlynnx

The Mystery....

In our old apartment our upstairs neighbor had extremely loud, theatrically enthusiastic sex in the middle of the day. The puzzle was that he would stop in the middle and we'd hear him walk to where the bathroom is, stay there for a minute or two and then walk back and resume in the bedroom. It was the same pattern every time. We could never figure out what that was all about. Any ideas welcomed. excelsior1907

Mozart!

An argument about money while I was doing the dishes. It ended with a slammed door and one of them on a piano, hitting the keys like a maniac. Some people read, some people go get something to eat, some people exercise... this fool relieves stress by going crazy on a piano. lol FultonHomes

On the Lamb....

I moved from far away, so I have a different state license plate than everyone else at the apartment complex. A couple of days ago I head my upstairs neighbor drunkenly ranting to his wife about what he thinks I'm up to. He's convinced that I'm on the run from something. I'm just in grad school lmao. greatergood2019

But Gina!!!

"Gina, I love you! Gina no! Gina, dammit put the knife down!!" At this point, both the apartments adjoining to Gina's called the police. Gina's husband decided to spend the night elsewhere. oldmuttsysadmin

Bullseye!

I lived next to a couple some years ago and they came home after a night out and started fighting about who was better at darts. I thought they were joking but it got pretty heated. Doors were slammed.

Edit: Since people are asking, they were playing darts at the bar earlier that night. From what I could tell they were playing as a team and the boyfriend wasn't pulling his weight and was super defensive about it (had an off night, allegedly). The girlfriend was mad he couldn't accept she was better. I'm no detective but think they had some relationship issues bigger than darts. Aromatic_Bird

Alarmed!

More what my neighbor heard... I'm a deep sleeper and was an even deeper sleeper as a teenager. My phone alarm was going off for 30 minutes and my neighbors could hear it through the walls, assumed it was a burglar alarm and called the police. Waking up to the police banging on my door was confusing. iMac_Hunt

mundian to bach ke.....

1. lots of sex
2. my presumably constipated neighbor trying to poop, aka 5 min of grunting and heavy breathing
3. someone snoring like what I can only describe as a diesel truck revving its engine
4. a little girl practicing playing what I think was a violin every night for a while
5. someone blasting middle eastern music. I shazamed it and the song is called "mundian to bach ke"
6. what sounded like a woman forcing herself to puke, with lots of crying. IDK if she had food poisoning, or was bulimic or what. sam_the_shinobi

Pasta Love!

"Forget you, man! If you don't like spaghetti, then you don't like me!" xaanthar

5 Doors Down. 

My University accommodation had paper thin walls, you could hear people having sex 5 doors down, and I could hear my friends music from even further away. SashaPrykhodko

"Yeah I know." 

I heard the couple that used to live next door go through divorce. Their yelling got progressively worse until I realized that their relationship really wasn't healthy. Once she mentioned that they had split up and that she was moving I was like "Yeah I know." Anorcrakna

Things that go Bang!

The way my old apartments were laid out, the neighbors bedroom was right next to my kitchen / dining room. One night, I hear them banging (thin walls are thinner when the bed is hitting the wall) while I was fixing dinner. I just turned up the music and continued on with my life. Two hours later, I was cleaning up, doing dishes, and generally tidying up when I heard the familiar thump thump thump of banging.

I think, good for them and bag up the trash to take out. Thump thump thump. I open the door and take my bag of trash outside. As I'm walking out, I see the male half of my thumping neighbors.... walking in from his car.

Walking back from the dumpster, I see a half naked dude running out of the neighbors apartment. They moved shortly after that. Cypher_Shadow

 "first of all."

Couple upstairs would argue frequently. One particular evening, they had an epic battle. It was hours long.

About 2 hours into the argument (11 pm on a weeknight) we heard the woman shout "first of all."

That was the moment we knew sleeping wouldn't be restful that night. EE327

Adele! That is all!

My male neighbor from India belting out hello by Adele at the top of his lungs. It was magical. kittenkin

Man, my old building was full of Chinese internationals and every so often i'd get a free concert of whatever Chinese music is popular, Jessie J. and Taylor Swift. It's truly beautiful. foursevenniner

Disconnect.

I could hear my neighbor fart and when her phone went off on vibrate. It was like having roommates I couldn't see. overmyhead5

Oh, I thought they were connected. Every time her phone went off, she farted. TalisFletcher

"Bless you!"

Someone sneezed.

We said bless you.

They laughed. KiltedLady

Are you my old neighbor?

First day in my apartment, I was sitting on my empty living room floor eating pizza. I sneezed and I heard the guy above me say, "Bless you!" He was my favorite neighbor after that. hey-there-reddit

"YOU'RE HAVING SEX IN MYYYYY BED?!"

Upstairs neighbors were a single mom and teenage daughter. They were very loud. The mom's room was above my room. One day I had off and was woken up by sex upstairs. It was pretty common in the previous couple weeks. This time, though, someone came in and started screaming.

"YOU'RE HAVING SEX IN MYYYYY BED?!"

Turns out the daughter had been skipping school and coming back to the apartment with her boyfriend. They were the ones having sex in the mom's bed. The fight that ensued should've earned both women awards. BluestLantern85

The Fragile Ones.

My ex-neighbors never let their kids leave the house, and preferred to raise bubble children. The older son (12 or 13) was pitifully fragile. One day I heard him crying because he pooped on his own hands. WagonJ3