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A husband delivered a powerful message about semantics and marriage after his wife was criticized by those who held an outdated view of spousal roles.
J.R. Minton has been married to his wife for four years. They have four children together.
"I don't help my wife cook, I don't help my wife take care of the kids, clean, laundry—none of that," claimed Minton, who works as a UPS driver.
But then he switched the narrative and said:
"Because I do what I am supposed to do as a father and a husband. I cook. I clean. I do the laundry. I take care of the kids."
"I can't HELP my wife do those things because they are my job, too."
You can see the video, below.
Minton concluded the video by urging people to dispense with limited views on marriage.
"Change the way you speak, change the way you think, and grow the f'k up and be a man."
TikTokers were not sure where he was going with the discussion—until they reached the plot twist.
@minton__jr/TikTok
@minton__jr/TikTok
@minton__jr/TikTok
@minton__jr/TikTok
@minton__jr/TikTok
Some wished the same point of view was applied in their households.
@minton__jr/TikTok
@minton__jr/TikTok
@minton__jr/TikTok
When asked what exactly prompted Minton to speak out, he explained that he witnessed firsthand how his wife Brittany was constantly being belittled for being a SAHM.
He said of Brittany:
"I’ve seen her role in the family consistently be undervalued—by friends, family, generally everyone."
"She is constantly made to feel that she isn’t doing enough, while also made to feel that she should just be eternally grateful to me as the 'provider.' It’s completely backward."
He added:
"I may provide money from my work, but she affords me the ability to work."
"Having a SAHM is a privilege for me and the kids, not Brittany."
"I made the video to switch the narrative. Brittany is my partner, not my employee. I have just as much responsibility to our house and children."
He doubled down on this philosophy in response to a man who declared that being a SAHM was "not a job whatsoever" but a "privilege."
Minton agreed that being a SAHM was not a job—because you don't get paid for it. And it's a privilege simply because you get to maximize your time with the kids who deserve your full-time care and attention.
Minton warned that power comes into play only when one partner feels privileged to have the other provide for the family.
"No, that is called an agreement."
"You and your partner made an agreement to that one person will stay home and the other one will go to a job to provide the money."
"My wife affords me the ability to provide for her."
"It's a partnership."
Minton encouraged everyone to rethink how they speak.
"The quickest way to change your mindset is to change your 'word set'" he said.
"Our speech is a direct reflection of the way we think and feel, it shows in the way our speech affects other people and ourselves."
"Saying that I 'help my wife with the kids' perpetuates the idea that she has the responsibility to our children and I am merely assisting."
"We have a partnership; I care for my kids, and I don’t help."
Minton said he started making videos after seeing people debating the answers to a polarizing question.
"I often found myself disagreeing with all the answers that people would provide."
"So, instead of just answering the question with my own opinion, I started looking at the question."
"If there are 100 different answers that can all be labeled as wrong, maybe the question is wrong."
"That’s been my whole goal—find better questions to ask."