People Who Waited Until Marriage To Have Sex Confess Whether They Regret It

When entering a new relationship, a common question that is asked repeatedly is, "How long?"

How long until we introduce them to our friends? How long until we introduce them to our families? How long until this relationship is... consummated?

Needless to say, no two people have the same answers or frame of reference to any of these questions.

That being said, there are still more traditionalists out there than we might think, who firmly believe that the only correct answer to that last question is after things have been made official.

Even if not everyone feels that doing so was the best decision.

Redditor Substantial_Judge931 was curious to hear the experiences of couples who waited till after marriage to add sex into their relationship, leading them to ask:

"Those who waited til marriage to have sex, what was it like? And do you regret it?"

"I have a friend who waited till marriage."

"She didn’t even sleep (like actual sleep with him until marriage) she lost her virginity and then found out her husband snores."

"They’re still happily married."- Certain_Bobcat2076

Practice Makes Perfect

"It was awkward and terrible compared to later when we got much better at sex."

"No regrets though."

"Awkward and terrible was built in with two people who only knew where to stick what, but not how."- Managed-Chaos-8912

Can At Least Have The Discussion...

"Had a horrible sex life."

"Found out they didn’t really like to and I liked it a lot."- Ok_Butterscotch_6798

Not Everything Improves With Age...

"Not great."

"For a lot of us, the culture around sex shaming doesn’t magically go away the second you get married."

"It forms impressions and reactions in your mind which can lead to an actual, physical reaction to it called 'vaginismus' - you involuntarily tighten, which makes sex awkward at best and often even painful."

"Then that introduces an entirely new set of anxieties and self-loathing because you know that there are people out there enjoying sex, so why can’t you?"

"And your partner doesn’t understand it even if they sympathize, and it’s frustrating for them."

"If anybody makes the personal choice to wait until marriage, then good on you."

"I’m happy to hear when that works out."

"But I absolutely hate purity culture on behalf of all of us who were shamed into it only to find that it had f*cked up our minds in lasting ways."- Rooney_Tuesday

Delayed Self-Discovery...

"Massive regret."

"Turns out my ex was gay."

"Being a man married to a lesbian isn’t fun."

"We both know if we’d had more experience before marriage that she would have figured out sooner that she was gay."

"Not after having two kids together."- bunnybash

...A Common Occurrence?

"At the time, it seemed fine, I didn't have any regrets, and we had the attitude that we'd just keep practicing because why not, the practice is still fun, right?"

"Well, to cut to 16 years later, she realizes she's actually gay."

"Not to get into the specifics, but the part that's relevant to this conversation."

"If I'd had experience, I'd have recognized that she was trying too hard, that she was trying to convince herself that she was straight, and we could have had that conversation earlier."

"Having had only one partner now that I'm back in the dating world is less then ideal."

"Do I regret it?"

"Well, yes and no, yes, I do wish I'd taken advantage of more opportunities when I was younger, but at the same time, I've still had a really good life."

"It's had its rough spots, but I can't complain about how I've ended up ,and changing the choices I'd made would change the person that I am now and I wouldn't want that."- Kyedin

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"I was very experienced sexually."

"My wife was a virgin when we married after dating 5 years."

"We struggled sexually our entire marriage."

"I assumed her sexual switch would turn on, but it really never did."

"She grew apathetic about sex."

"She wouldn’t talk about it together, and I suspect she felt she couldn’t compete with my past."

"We never found a solution and were married 26 years when she passed away."

"While I believe in waiting until marriage, I think both partners should be in the same boat."- CuriousPeopleKnow

Big Discoveries...

"My best friend waited until marriage along with his wife."

"Turns out, sex is horribly painful for her."

"They had some kids, and it got a little better, but sex is not really on the offering block a lot, and I can tell he resents it a lot."

"It’s made him a really crabby person."

"He just seems bitter."- FrenchSilkPy

A Less Than Happy Arrangement

"Coworker had an arranged marriage, and both parties agreed to wait until they were married to have sex."

"They were both pretty young when they got married, and the guy regrets doing so because his wife wasn't really interested in sex."

"They have two kids and apparently had sex only a handful of times."- nd048

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Pros And Cons To Everything

"I’m happily married but sex has always been a huge problem in our marriage."

"We didn’t know the massive libido difference."

"I would 110% recommend having sex in a serious relationship and wait 3-4 years to make sure the honeymoon phase has worn off to know what marriage is going to be like."

"Although things are better now after marriage counseling and communication improvements, I’ve spent a long time lurking on r/deadbedrooms searching for answers and appreciating that it wasn’t just me in that situation."

"Also, just FYI, as soon as you have kids, that will nuke your sex life for at least a while (several months to years potentially)."- nana-korobi-ya-oki

Not So Much An Issue Of When...

"I don’t regret waiting until marriage; it was a boundary and value I had set."

"But honestly, it sucked."

"My ex-husband didn’t tell me he had erectile dysfunction, which was a big surprise to me when I married him because it affected him greatly on an emotional and egotistical level, leading to controlling and toxic patterns."

"I tried to find ways to make it work, from massages, dancing, and anything else I could think of."

"But not much seemed to help."

"He was also really closed off to trying new and different things."

"Being religious, he dealt with sexual shame and made me feel shame for wanting to explore."

"And it’s ironic because I had my first time with him, whereas he had been with other women before meeting me."

"After seven months of bad sex, shaming me for wanting to try new things with him, and trying to please him while he didn’t do anything to please me, I ended our marriage because I couldn’t keep dealing with his insecurity."

"He started showing aggression because he thought I would cheat on him or leave him for someone else since he couldn’t do half the things he wanted to do."

"He is the only sexual experience I’ve had, and it was really bad."

"It sucked."

"I’ve been single for almost 3 years now and haven’t felt the need or desire to have sex."

"I just hope that if I find love again someday, it will be better."

"But waiting until marriage is no longer a requirement for me."- S222ap

Stigmas Are Hard To Overcome

"It’s a complicated question."

"Do I regret who I waited for?"

"No."

"Do I regret why I waited?"

"Yes."

"I waited for marriage because of religious indoctrination."

"It gave me complex feelings towards sex that I wasn’t able to discard immediately, even after sex was 'allowed'."

"It took years of working to escape that indoctrination."

"I wish that had never been done to me so I could have experienced sex without all that baggage."- Team-Mako-N7

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Levels Of Compatibility

"It seemed like the right thing to do at the time (raised in a purity culture religion)."

"Our wedding night was exciting, actually had three short sessions throughout the night, but the length never really improved."

"Most of the time, things were over once he was finished."

"It took getting divorced and being with other people for me to realize just how sexually frustrated I was, and that bled into every aspect of our relationship."

"We were not sexually compatible, and it broke us."

"I will definitely NOT be pushing that culture on my kids."- Outrageous-Proof4630

One Element Of A Broader Picture

"I waited."

"But we had lots of make-out."

"The 1st night was a little awkward because I was so excited."

"The morning was unbelievable."

"We were both turned on."

"She had been married before, but the guy was so inept that it was like she had no experience."

"She orgasmed for the first time 2 weeks later and every time, almost, thereafter."

"I am glad we waited."

"I knew she liked the hugging and kissing."

"It did not change a lot."

"It made us aware that we were compatible as friends."

"Sex really does distort your views of what makes us happy."

"We had a lovely marriage for nearly 50 years."

"She passed."

"Sex was the icing on the cake."

"It came with 6 children."

"Her choice."

"I remarried to a wonderful woman who had waited."

"Sex was meh, but life was great."

"Now at 85, sex is meh meh."

"We have a wonderful relationship, lots of touching, lots of things in common."

"We are beyond best friends."- svbob

You Never Know How Something Works Until You Try It

"Absolutely regret it."

"Maybe you're sexually compatible with your spouse."

"But maybe you aren't."

"And you can talk about it forever but you won't know until you try it."

"And you're making a lifelong commitment to being someone's only sexual partner with no knowledge of whether or not you're compatible, and if you aren't, you either have to be okay with that, get divorced, or be unhappy forever."

"If I could do it all over again, I never would have waited."

"I'm happily married a second time now, and there were a lot of other factors in my divorce from my first, but a lot of heartbreak would have been saved if we'd understood what we were signing up for before we signed up for it."- IJourden

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There is nothing wrong with waiting till marriage to have sex.

However, if sex is an important factor in your life, it's probably wise to at least address it, if not partake in it.

As no one deserves an unhappy, unfulfilling sex-life "til' death do you part"...