You Ruined My Performance, Bro

I once knew a guy that would fake seizures for attention. I knew he was faking it because it never seemed quite right, but once I started announcing "okay I'm calling an ambulance!" he would immediately come to with zero side effects. It happened a number of times, he would fall over "seizing" and the second I yelled "CALL AN AMBULANCE!" he propped right up 1 second later and would be like "don't worry, I'm good now!".

One time I actually did call an ambulance, even after he protested not to, and he was PO'd. I said "hey man, you have seizures so often that I felt like you needed medical attention" and of course the doctors didn't really find anything wrong with him. He wouldn't talk to me for weeks. But then all of the sudden his "seizures" became far less frequent.

crusty-sock

A Paper Fantasy

Male co-worker who would put obviously cut-from-magazine photos of beautiful women in a frame on his desk. He would talk about these "girlfriends" for months as if they were real and then would call out sick for a few days as girlfriend had died in a tragic way (usually car accident). Then a new photo would appear and the process would start over.

Once, he asked a co-worker on a date and she said: "Why would I do that when anyone who dates you ends up dead?"

Javaman1960

Scribb Dibs

At my library a lady came to the reference desk and said "this pen you gave me doesn't work." She opened her journal, flip through multiple pages of scribbles until she found a blank one. She then scribbled all over that page and said "see? nothing is coming out" even though she just scribbled black ink all over the page. Then she giggled and walked away.

Lo-Fi_Kuzco

Murmurings

I'd just moved to a fairly major, metropolitan city.

Walking around just checking out the neighborhood. Feeling really good about new options.

A woman, mid forties maybe and reasonably well dressed, walking down the sidewalk towards me. She looked to be dancing a bit. I figured she had earbuds or something.

Nope, just a continual murmured stream of low monotone crazy coming out of her mouth. The part I remember was "...damn KKK always stealing my welfare check..." but it just kept going. Guessing drugs or mental illness or both. She was white so the reference seemed especially odd.

Teripid

Jesus Bro -Takes Shirt Off-

Most customers.

Like the guy that ripped his shirt off because I refused to hang up a crucifix in the movie theatre. Then he threw the crucifix at me and screamed about demons.

Or the guy that told me he was going to murder me (in front of his family) because I wouldn't let him sneak into a movie without paying.

Or the guy that screamed at me for 20 minutes because his daughter had to use the women's room(?) even though she was a female because apparently "workers" shouldn't be using the gender-neutral (single) bathroom.

Or the guy that thought that I controlled the prices at work, and thought that screaming at me about "stealing his money" was going to make me relent and make the prices cheaper.

Or the woman that thought we were going to give her free concessions because she waited in line for 5 minutes.

Any one who yells at a minimum wage worker is not right in the head.

CatBusExpress

When Capitalism Corrupts

Friend of mine wanted to be a doctor and is undergoing training, then tells me that she doesn't want to deal with people's conditions and doesn't want to bother with their "first world problems" and that they only seek sympathy.

Should've been an insurance approval agent with that mindset.

MadeByHumanError

I'm Marrying Myself

A family friend (F23) had a new boyfriend every month and would constantly tell me that I needed to mature and grow up since I'd only had one girlfriend and we had a bad break up (I'm 20 currently, and the break up happened at 17). most this family friend recently moved to Wyoming to meet a guy she met online she only 2 for weeks. A week after being there they announced their engagement all over social media (keep in mind they've only known each other for 3 weeks). But here's the kicker, she bought herself the engagement ring and announced everything before she told him and he still said yes.

eagle1459

An Endeavor In And Of Itself

I was in the left turn lane at a stop light, two lanes of traffic besides me. I've got my windows down since I've been cruising around and playing tunes, it's a nice summer day. This guy walks into the middle of the road and asks me whats up. He's pretty spacey and has nappy blonde hair, I can smell him from inside my car. I don't really say much to him since who just walks up to a car in the middle of the road about to turn, meanwhile he's standing there just blabbering on and having a conversation with himself, like I'm actually engaging with him.

As a side note, this guy wasn't like asking for change or holding a sign or anything. He had to walk a good 20-40 feet to get to me, across multiple lanes of traffic.

PartTimeHick

All The World's A Plastic Stage

Me and my mum were in the supermarket and this woman with a pram was nearby and spoke to us briefly. I can't remember what she said but it wasn't anything unusual, just the sort of small talk you'd expect to have with a stranger. She then walks away to continue her shopping and once she's no longer within earshot my mum leans over to me and mutters "That's a fake baby in that pram". This woman was going about her day taking a plastic baby everywhere with her. Not sure what to make of it even now.

Noodle613

Smoothie Tips From Beyond

Some girl came running out of the woods near my house and went up to my neighbor and said with a straight face "did you know that if you put ice in a Blender with mangoes it makes a really good smoothie ?" then sprinted away from the house and down the street at like Mach 4.

PhoenixLikeFirefly