The Cold Man.

Black family in the Christmas decorations aisle:

~3 Year Old: Dad! Can we get a white man for Christmas?

Shocked Dad: What?!?

~3 Year Old: A white man! points at shelf

Shocked Dad: looks where son is pointing and laughs No no son, that's called a SNOW man. sharrrper

Schoolyard Chatter. 

I've told this before, but whatever.

Two of my students were talking about this guy texting one of the girls, saying they think he's texting her to get to her friend who recently got her phone taken away.

I chalk it up to middle school drama, day goes on.

Later I hear the girl who had her phone taken away say "I think I'm scarred," and something didn't sit right with me about it. I circled back and was like "Hey kid, need to talk to me about anything?" She mulled out over for a bit and asked for a private convo.

Turns out this guy had sent a third girl a penis pic, and oh yeah he's not a guy their age, it's their teacher for an out of school extra curricular.

That was not a fun day. Stoneheart7

The Fugitive 2! 

I was pulling up to an intersection with a bus stop right as the light turned green. I crept by this stop and all I heard was an old black dude say "And that's how the fool took my leg!"

I look out my passenger window to see him with a prosthetic in his hand, sitting in a wheelchair, facing the other people at the bus stop.

Idk what story they heard, but it was damned good. BuckSenna69

Pooped. 

A few kids were debating on what happened to the poop after you flushed it on the train. One believed it exploded on impact with the rails, another debated the possibility of it being shot out of the side like a cannon, and another knew it was used to fuel the train. saltnotsugar

'Til Death...

Heard over a cube wall at work: "You promised that we would get a divorce after you got your green card!" 7Finger

Ding-Dong....

Not something I heard, but what someone eavesdropped on me.

I used to work at a restaurant, and every member of the kitchen staff was Indian, and didn't speak english very well. There was one white guy that worked there, and for whatever reason, they all called him "Ding-Ding." White guy was having a birthday party, and invited us all.

One of the Indian guys, and myself were standing outside the restaurant smoking, and the Indian guy says to me *Indian accent* "Hey man, you going to ding ding party?"

A guy walking by us stopped, and said "I'm sorry, I just over heard you guys, and I have to know what a ding ding party is?" I couldn't stop laughing, and eventually told him what it was. bobloblaw0127

Who Doesn't?

I was on the train listening to a woman yell on the phone that she wouldn't be able to make it to her dentist appointment because she had left her teeth at home. legoeggo323

Happens to the best of us. DJAllOut

Don't Stop Talking....

Once listened to a story a woman was telling her friend sitting next to me in a café.

She became suspicious of her husband cheating on her when she was helping him unpack from a business trip and noticed a weird white stain on his shirt. She told the whole story of her googling how to figure out what it was, which i think included using specific light and stuff.

Never actually got to hear the ending tho, unfortunately. lilacti

With Linguini?

Didn't hear the full conversation but I walked in on two employees at a convenience store with the conversation ending with the phrase "...and that's when we hid the clams." tHeNiGhTmAnCoMeTh413

This is one of the simplest stories in this thread and yet it's the only that's made me laugh more than a chuckle. Thanks for sharing! natedawggy27

Like a Grapefruit....

At a Chinese restaurant. An old man says to his friend, "I'm telling you my testicles swelled up like this." Then he holds his hands apart like he's holding a grapefruit. Brice500

That legit happens. It's insane. You ever seen a bowling ball stuffed into way too tiny, scrunched up, purple leather bowling ball bag that was rolled around in sweat and dog fur? It's worse than that. fudgiepuppie

REDDIT