Every now and then I think of Ben and Arthur (written, directed, produced, edited, and imposed on humanity by Sam Mraovich) and just shudder. It's a film about a gay couple that somehow sets gay rights back several decades, such is the state of this vanity project loaded with production gaffes and featuring the most painful script written by someone who truly believed they were making something brilliant.
People were all too keen to share about the movies that have wasted their time after Redditor UsernameisTrash108 asked the online community,
"What movie do you hate to death and why?"
"The author..."
"Percy Jackson. The author Rick Riordan himself hated it and didn't want to be associated with the movies."
"They're relationship porn..."
"Lifetime/Hallmark movies. My wife loves them, especially around Christmas. They're relationship porn with all of the misleading ideas of what reality is like that regular big-budget porn has, all of the bad acting, unconvincing plots, and bad music included."
They are all the same!
All.
The.
Same.
"I've never walked out..."
"My friends once convinced me to watch a Tyler Perry movie, I don't even remember which one it was, but it was more agonizing than having an urgent need to s*** while stuck in rush hour traffic.
I walked out of the theater, I've never walked out on a movie I paid to watch, not before or since."
Now we really need to figure out which one it was.
I am not a fan of Tyler Perry's... but a reaction like this is a goldmine in comedic potential.
"I know some people loved it..."
"I know some people loved it, but I really, really hated Sausage Party. Crass, unfunny f***** garbage. And it's not even that I'm a prude or anything, it was just a thoroughly soulless, empty, monolithic piece of crap."
Ah, yes, the film in which an entire supermarket of animated food items engages in an orgy at the end of the film.
Sometimes I wonder how the pitch meeting for that one went.
"I've watched a lot of bad movies..."
"I've watched a lot of bad movies, but for some of them, I kind of enjoyed myself. Suicide Squad, tho... I felt actually frustrated and angry about having to sit through it.
A messy, ugly, disjointed, barely-plotted, badly scripted, badly-acted slog, there is not a single moment where something good or positive or redeeming appears on the screen."
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"2012: I was waiting for the ground to open up and swallow that annoying family, but even Hell doesn't want them."
Roland Emmerich has done better (not that that's saying a ton) but even Godzilla is a much better film than that.
"Is Twilight so old..."
"Is Twilight so old it's become hipster-friendly? Is it so obviously horrible we don't really need to mention it?
The plot is like the inside of a thirteen-year-old girl's brain, and the acting is so bad you're wondering if they're doing it on purpose.
On the plus side, it gave us Anna Kendrick."
You see, I almost forgot Twilight exists. It seemed to leave its mark on pop culture for just a few short years (with the peak of its popularity hitting in 2009, during the release of New Moon) and promptly disappeared because everyone knew those films weren't particularly good to begin with.
"Not because it's a bad movie..."
"ET.
Not because it's a bad movie, but because my parents used to chase me around in the middle of the night with a life-size ET doll and it traumatized five-year-old me and now I seriously can't stand to look at him."
"I saw it..."
"Blue Is The Warmest Colour. I saw it when I was being slowly and painfully dumped by my first same-sex partner and it made me cry for days. Also, as it turns out, it wasn't a great movie."
As for that last one... I still chuckle when I think of those two women making out in a public coffee shop like they were the only ones there.
But there are worse films out there. Try as we might, we'll continue to run into them. Hollywood's lack of creativity knows no bounds.
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