The logical step for couples who've been together a long time is for them to tie the knot.
But, marriage isn't for everyone, even if they have found the person with whom they plan to share the rest of their lives. They just want to opt out of obtaining legal recognition.
Curious to explore why some couples refuse to embark on the next major chapter of their lives together, Redditor throwaway9182570 asked:
"Why haven't you married your long-time partner?"
It's About Taxes
"Because where we live (Switzerland), our taxes would increase significantly and pensions would be reduced (150% for both married vs. 100% each if unmarried) if we got married."
"Our tax law incentivizes marriage if only one partner works, but that’s not realistic for a majority of our population. Our life quality is sustainable only because we have two incomes."
"Swiss law does have a long-term partnership option (called 'Konkubinat') that can be used to legally address medical decision-making, family planning decisions, inheritance, power of attorney, etc. without the need for marriage."
"I‘ll take an extra vacation a year and 'live in sin' instead of dealing with (imo unnecessary) tax penalties."
– evenifitblindsme
If It Ain't Broke
"My parents (60 & 74 yo) never got married or moved in together and have been together for 32 years. They live 5 minutes away from each other, talk on the phone many times throughout the day, and see each other usually multiple times a day."
"Every Wednesday and Saturday is their 'date night', my mom makes dinner and my dad comes over and spends the night. It’s been like this all 30 years of my life."
"I’ve never seen them fight and they’ve been clearly in love the whole time. They’ve both had unsuccessful marriages before and when asked, they’ll just say, 'what ain’t broke, don’t fix.'"
– jes_cville
Together But Apart
"I kinda love this lol."
"I know a lot of people will look at this and say, 'that’s not normal' or 'they don’t really love each other,' but to me, it sounds like they are giving themselves space and independence, and when they do spend time together, it’s intentional and genuine quality time."
"My partner and I are on a similar wavelength - we do live together but in a 2 bedroom apartment and we each have our own rooms and we sleep separately, but we are intentional with quality time and intimacy."
– thelightstillshines
Convenient Inconvenience
"Because I'm disabled, and if I get married, I lose my disability."
"Edit: I get SSI money because of my disability, and I would lose that money if I married someone who lives above the poverty line basically."
– ponyponyhorse
For The Sake Of Healthcare
"Due to the company I work for, health insurance being less than stellar, people here have had doctors advise them it would be better financially to get a divorce and allow the lower income spouse to receive Medicare or Medicaid, whichever is low income. Divorce for healthcare is also a present thing."
– _Christopher_Crypto
It's Expensive
"We're engaged but can't afford it. In the UK so not worried about insurance reasons or anything like that, we just literally can't afford the wedding we want right now, and trying to save for anything is basically impossible, we live payday to payday."
– Mordicant855
"If there are tax benefits (I'm not familiar with UK tax law, hell I'm not really familiar with my own country's tax laws) go do the legal marriage without the party. It might help you save money faster. Then you can have the Ceremony/reception later when you can afford it."
"Just something to think about, I know back in the 80s my parents moved their wedding up from January to late December because they could get the tax benefit of being married the whole year even though it was only a few days."
– Villain_of_Brandon
Not For The Introverted
"Been together 9+ years, but both of us are introverts, and most of the point of a wedding is to be the center of attention. Which, no thanks. Gonna courthouse/have a tiny reception when we do, it’s just been easier to put off on actually planning the thing."
– Informal-Allie
"Omg this is so me. The thought of having everyone watch us as we kiss on an altar? shudder that’s like one of my worst nightmares. And then having to small talk with extended relatives for the rest of the night and not get to eat the food 😭 like what part of any of that is appealing."
– Catlel
Prioritizing Health
"We are American. He has an severe autoimmune disorder that requires treatment, and that treatment costs about $200,000 each year. He is only able to receive this treatment because he has copay assistance and current healthcare regulations prevent him being denied coverage for his very pre-existing condition."
"So, if he were to lose healthcare coverage, he's going to either get slapped with hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt... or die. And if I was married to him, I would be f'ked over financially as well."
"The last time we had the marriage conversation, we said 'let's see how this election goes.' We saw how the election went. No marriage for us."
– TheSSChallenger
It's Complicated
"Because he’s married, and we are gay lovers. Arranged marriage = yes. Biggest f'kup of his life = yes. Disownment across every conceivable board (if he were to come out) = yes. also wife = loveliest person and understanding of our situation = yes."
"Cross-cultural divide (I western culture and my sexuality is accepted, he/her South Asian and beyond the taboo of homosexuality massive repercussions for both with divorce) It’s incredibly tough."
"We are soulmates, but each is individually empathic, and we want no chaos for the three individuals involved. 😔 (edited for the context of the cross-cultural divide)."
– DraxMoonraker
It's A Formality
"We have been together for 11 years, have two children and have bought a house together, our lives and relationship would not change in any way if we were married, we live in Australia so a defacto relationship is on par with a marriage."
"At this point, it feels like a formality if anything, the only reason I would get married and change my name would be to share a last name with my children but as I've gotten older I've come to appreciate the name I was born with more and I don't want to change it."
"In a nutshell, there is no added value in us getting married."
– Affectionate-Air-444
It's More Affordable Not To Wed
"Because she has medicaid and I have a sh**ty insurance through work."
"Right now i just dont go to the doctor because i can't afford to spend 50-80 per visit. She has coverage for most things, but has to jump through hoops for care."
"She would also lose all government assistance she has. All in, we would lose more money than we'd save in taxes and she wouldn't have access to affordable medical care."
"For reference, I'm a man in my 30s with a decent job in a major city. Because of the reasons cited here, I haven't seen a specialist or dentist in years (technically the last appointment was for a nurse practitioner for primary care over 2 years ago)."
– ObsessiveDelusion
It's What Works For You
"I was never big into being married when I was growing up. My parents weren’t married to each other. One parent never married and the other had been married and divorced five times."
"In my 20s I got sucked into the pressure of getting married because it’s what everyone that age was going. I regretted it instantly. There were probably red flags everywhere, I was just dumb. It was a terrible relationship and it just got worse once things were legal. There was a lot of mental and financial abuse."
"My new SO is great. Really really great. I just feel more secure being autonomous. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but I don’t feel owned. And that’s really important to me. Additionally, I like the that there’s a difference between 'you have to be with me' and 'you and I chose each other every day.'”
"I’m not 100% certain we will never tie the knot, just not yet. I want it to be because it’s right for us and not for our family, not for the government, and not because of pressure."
– AlphaCharlieUno
When Same-Sex Marriage Hangs In The Balance
"A large part of our relationship has been under the shadow of an administration that would be able to undo the validity of our marriage on a whim."
"It’s better to just not be married than to go through that."
– Z0mboy
Based on the examples above, choosing not to walk down the aisle is by no means an indication that people in long-term relationships don't love each other.
Sometimes, the decision itself is based on love.
