People In Long-Term Relationships Explain The Things No One Tells You About

None of us can look into the future and scan everything that will ever happen to us, so there's really no telling exactly what will happen at that job, during that vacation, or throughout that relationship.

But at least on the last point, there are some things that tend to come up in long-term relationships and marriages that brand new love birds might not see coming.

Taking notes, Redditor DegenPatrol asked:

"Redditors in long-term relationships, what's something no one tells you about staying together for years?"

Stay Curious

"You need to stay curious about your partner: keep asking questions, update your assumptions. You will never know everything about them, especially if years have gone by and they’ve probably changed in some way or another."

"As soon as you start treating them like you already know everything about them, then you start missing a lot of cool opportunities to be surprised by them."

- fookinpikey

Independent Spaces

"You both need space. Whether it's a room, upstairs/downstairs, hobbies, etc."

"Nothing against the partner, but everyone needs space. Been with my wife for 15 years now, and one main category for buying a house was that we needed separation. Nothing bad against each other, just a few moments of chillin in your own vibes and decompress."

- Woah_man34

Team Against The World

"Always remember that it's you two against the problem, not you two against each other. This eventually solves every other problem if effort is made."

- Ardelente

"This is mine and my partner's mantra. Us against the world. We have each other's backs."

"Every problem is our problem, and we are a team. It's gotten us through the real s**t."

- smp6114

The Wonder Of Small Gestures

"There will be times that your relationship can get dull and feel a bit stoic. It's exactly then that you need to get up and be nice to each other. Small gestures do wonders..."

"Get a small gift or get some beverages they'd never pick otherwise. Go on silly dates and sometimes just agree on making time for each other."

"Once you live together and both have your careers, if you're not careful, you can slowly turn into roommates more than partners."

- Quirky-Amount6231

All Cards On The Table

"Talk. About. Everything. EVERYTHING."

"Don’t hide your feelings, and don’t dismiss your worries. Talk. And when you do talk, don’t get upset over it. Keep talking, be respectful to each other."

"As much as people like to pretend that love is all it takes, it’s a lie. There is so much more beyond love to make it work."

- Oodles_of_noodles_

Give It A Minute

"Go to bed mad. Get some sleep before you say something cruel. Tackle it again in the morning. Cruelty and resentment are relationship killers."

- Acceptable-Music6825

"Can I upvote this a million times? That whole 'Never go to bed angry' never made sense to me. Sometimes, you just need a good sleep and you will wake up calmer and with more perspective. Sometimes, all you need is a nap!"

- PopSpiritual2752

Familial Boundaries

"You need good boundaries with your respective extended families."

"As your spouse, they need to prioritize the family they chose to build with you over the family they were born into. And vice versa. If your relationship and needs are more often than not being pushed back in favour of the relationship and needs of one spouse’s parents/siblings/etc., your family is going to suffer."

"It’s one thing to spend holidays with your spouse’s parents, to have Sunday dinner, or help out with the occasional landscaping job. It’s another thing entirely if you can never be alone with your spouse, because your in-laws are always at your house, invite themselves on your vacations, or expect your spouse to be at their beck and call."

- vocabulazy

There's No 'Getting Used To It'

"Anything your partner does at the beginning of the relationship that irritates you will still irritate you thirty years later. Probably much more so."

- ScottyMcBoo

"And don’t forget all the exciting new irritating things they do that you will discover over the course of those thirty years!"

- SolidInitiative

Tools For Success!

"Extra blankets. Learning to cook them their favourite food. Supporting each other’s goals and dreams, hopefully to fruition."

- sleeepypuuuppy

"We only learned the extra blankets thing this year... we'd bought a summer comforter last year for our bed and it's quite a bit smaller than our winter one... so we were constantly tug-of-war'ing the blanket in summer..."

"This summer, it occurred to us to buy a second one and each have one, and it's worked out great... Also kinda funny, when the second one arrived, we discovered we already had a third one in storage that was unused, apparently we had the same idea late last year and forgot. Now, it's a staple in our bedroom!"

- seaotter1978

Joy In Nothing

"Find someone you enjoy doing nothing with. Anyone can create magical moments with someone going on vacations and dates, but it’s the one you can socially recharge with that feels like home that will make all the difference in the long run."

- snowblind08

"When it comes to finding out if you share this with your partner, it was when we had a long afternoon together (back when dating, back in the late Pleistocene)."

"One of us had a book we wanted to finish, and it turned out the other did, too. We sat on either end of the couch, reading and occasionally peering over the book to smile at each other."

"That definitely sealed the deal."

- TheNetworkIsFrelled

Trust, Trust, Trust

"You're not going to have a long-term relationship if your partner doesn't trust you."

"Don't do shady s**t. You're going to get caught, and while they might forgive you, they won't trust you. That's the beginning of the end for your relationship, once the trust is gone."

"If you wouldn't want someone doing something to you, don't do that particular thing to them. It's common sense, but apparently not everyone possesses that particular necessity."

"Don't talk s**t about your partner behind their back. Don't do things that you know are going to p**s them off. And be careful what you say and how you say it. This is the person you claim to love. Act like it."

- rosesforthemonsters

Keep Romance Alive

"Once you have the 'right mate,' the real work is in keeping the romance alive."

"When you get comfortable, it's very easy to gradually fall into a rut."

"Over time, you're either growing together or growing apart. There is no neutral."

"After all, 'Happiness isn't getting what you want; it's wanting what you got.' - Garth Brooks."

- lovealert911

Choose Love

"Some days, it’s going to be hard to love them, so you need to consciously make the choice to love them anyway."

- eeyorebronte

"Honestly? Life is hard. Sometimes you don’t need to like them, but you still need to love them."

- KarbieBarbie

Practice All Kinds Of Intimacy

"There's more to intimacy than sex. Shower together, cuddle, hold their hand, pet their hair..."

"Love is a choice that you HAVE to make every day. And the choices can come in the most mundane stuff. In picking up/cleaning something so they don't have to, in making two cups of coffee instead of one."

"Even if your partner isn't there to hear it, choose love. When someone jokes about hating their partner, don't laugh at the joke. Defend your partner when people are rude about your relationship, especially when it's your friends and family."

"Time apart gives you something different to talk about. Still invest in time together, but doing things by yourself gives you something new to talk about."

"The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. Do not become indifferent to the silence/space between you when it starts to grow,"

"ALL OF THIS MUST BE MUTUAL!"

- chichipoeta

Such A Privilege

"How much of a privilege it is to see someone you love so deeply and know so thoroughly, grow old with you?"

"My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years, and he's growing his first grey hairs now. It excites me that I get to see that."

"Not every moment will sparkle, but try to remember what a privilege it is to be alive and to share it with someone you love."

- TheNetworkWork

"It is really cool to watch the person you love grow and change and to know that they will love you at every milestone."

- uh-lee-sha

There are countless things that a person might expect when they start dating someone, or are at the altar, exchanging vows, but what it really comes down to is committing to the person you're with and growing with them.

That means not assuming you know everything about them that there will ever be to know, or growing together, or trying new things to keep things fresh.

Life and love are supposed to be fun, not predictable and complacent, and there's a real opportunity here to experience that with someone by your side.