Redditor "ThrowRAvacaytwins" told her boyfriend not to go an a corporate "vacation" three weeks after giving birth to twins and wondered AITA (Am I the A**hole) for asking too much.
The Original Poster (OP) was told that the trip to Bora Bora, of all places, would be a great networking opportunity.
The boyfriend arranged for the OP's mother and twin to look after the new mother while he is away for two weeks.
But the OP insisted she wants the twins' father to be with the family when she will be "freshly post partum."
"So my boyfriend works for a large corporation, and as part of their employee rewards program they have this thing where the best performing employees get flown out on chartered private jets to a nice location and get put up in a 5 star hotel, all expenses included such as liquor, food, etc. etc."
"For 2 weeks."
"They're scheduled to go November 1st and I'm scheduled to give birth to twins October 17th."
"This year's is in Bora Bora. I'm sure you can already see where this is going."
eva longoria nod GIF by Overboard MovieGiphy
"My BF really wants to go because he thinks that it's a great networking opportunity."
"Might I also add, the option is to either take a 10K bonus and get the vacation or just take a straight 14k bonus without vacation, so we'd even get extra money."
"My BF doesn't wanna do that bc we're pretty comfortable."
The OP found the following comparison he made was disagreeable.
"He made an analogy and compared it to choosing between being as rich as Jeff Bezos or Bill Gates, which is a ridiculous analogy cause we're not billionaires and even though we are comfortable, it's not like passing up 4K is a wise choice."
"Anyways, 3 weeks post partum by myself without my partner isn't exactly something that I want to do."
"He told me, that he already spoke to my mom and my twin to see if they'd take care of me and they agreed. I don't want them, I WANT HIM. He doesn't get it. He just doesn't get it."
"Guys, I'm at a loss here. Is what I'm asking for really too much? I've tried all suggestions for a compromise and he hasn't been receptive to any of them. =\"
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to decide:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors were empathetic to her situation, even this non-parent.
"I've never had a kid myself, but I'm sure the first few weeks or months after having one are not at all easy. Seeing as he is their father, I would think he'd be interested in sticking around for the postpartum period."
"I'm not going to prematurely call him a deadbeat dad, or say that threatening to boot him out of the house is the most constructive way to handle it, but I can understand why OP doesn't want him to go." – ThatPianoSlayer
It's predicted this wouldn't bode well for Mr. Vacay.
"If you're at watercooler conversation and you say you've left your gf for 2 weeks alone 3 weeks post partum, you will label yourself as the company's biggest jerk." – panlevap
"Yeah that networking is going to be a huge success! Everyone is just going to think he's a selfish lazy man who chose to miss out on the most amazing time with his newborns and was happy to let his wife cope without him." – Efficient-Grape
"I also don't see this making him look good to his higher-ups unless this is one of those 'my job is my whole personality' places."
"How's the wife, Sam?"
"Oh she gave birth to F'KING TWINS a coupla weeks ago, haha, I got her mom and twin to help out cause I'm committed to this gig or whatever."
"And here you are, half drunk and a plane ride away. Sam, I worry about you." – Neurotic_Bakeder
The boyfriend was given the benefit of the doubt, but this Redditor required more information.
"Is this just a vacation. Or is it a 'vacation,' where yeah, they're in a fancy location with alcohol, but work is still happening?"
Just Asking Rachelle Lefevre GIF by Proven InnocentGiphy
Networking is real work in a lot of jobs. Not going, no matter the reason, could decrease his chances of any future promotions."
"Companies don't care about life events if they affect the workplace, even if it's just affecting the fun side of the workplace."
"If it's 100% a fun vacation, n t a. But if the big bosses are there, and there's real chance for networking, I'd say n a h. He's not an a** for trying to keep his career solid, and she's not for wanting him there after birth."
"It's just a sucky situation that comes with jobs that pass out those types of vacations." – alchemic-necromancer
Who knows what the status of the health crisis will be like in the fall?
"How is the pandemic not affecting them making plans for an international trip 5 months away or affecting his decision?"
"I know it's 5 months but I highly doubt [the virus] won't be a thing in September. He's risking getting infected and bringing it home to his wife and twins."
"Or what if you or one of your twins get infected in the hospital? Not trying to scare but has he even thought about that?"
"I don't know where you live, but getting to Bora Bora is at least a 12 hour flight unless you live in Hawaii, pretty risky. And I'm sure once him and the boys start getting rowdy, they won't even be thinking about social distancing or any safety measures." – VariousJelly
"For real though!"
"Also OP there is a very real possibility of a second surge. He should sign up for the bonus and if anyone asks he should share that he'll have newborns, a likely post op wife, and maybe a second surge and lockdown."
"Honestly, he should say he can't in good conscience leave you alone with that."
"Sure there are still old school corporate guys who would support abandoning their wives but it's less acceptable to be that publicly. More will judge him for leaving than not." – shhhhits-a-secret
Ultimately, it boils down to perspective, as espoused from this wise Redditor.
"NTA; what looks better for 'networking.'"
"Oh! Jeff came! Is Op coping well after she gave birth? Brave of you to leave her alone and come on holiday yourself!"
"OH! Jeff can't come; he's taking care of his newborn with his wife; yeah; his hearts in the right place; shame he can't enjoy this but toast TO JEFF!"
"Your husband will gain better networking by being mentioned by others. The Hero in the story; does not become legend by telling those of his own adventures. It is from the mouths of others he gains repute."
"Your hubby is probably just panicked about the idea of taking care of a kid etc and has minor stress and wants to take time away - but is going about it horribly." – seraphailing
Networking is indisputably an effective tool in climbing the corporate ladder.
But with "father" being added to the boyfriend's life resume, most Redditors questioned his reluctance to deepen his connections back at home.
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