A pregnant woman and her boyfriend—both 21-years-old—considered moving into a bigger place after their lease ends in May.
They had been together for three years and currently lived in a "tiny" one bedroom apartment.
The boyfriend fell in love with a fancy apartment complex. However, pets were not allowed.
So he asked his girlfriend, Redditor "throwawayffs2020," to ditch the dog so they could secure the new apartment complex of his choice.
The Original Poster (OP)—who has had the dog longer than her relationship—asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for refusing to give up her beloved pet to accommodate her boyfriend.
The OP said of their current dwelling:
"It's nice and affordable, but I'm currently 4 months pregnant and we need a bigger place (our lease ends in May)."
"We don't wanna deal with the hassle of renting out a house right now, so we're trying to just stick with a 2 bedroom apartment."
"He found a pretty nice one not too far from ours with lots of amenities that he loves and is excited about. But they don't accept pets, which he seems to be fine with."
"He asked me to just get rid of her or give her to my parents."
excuse me what GIFGiphy
"I've had my dog for the last 5 years and I refuse to get rid of her just to move into some fancy apartment."
"It's kind of upsetting that his initial response was 'just get rid of her.' She's like my kid or something, it's not even an option imo."
"He told me that I'm being selfish for not wanting to give her up. That I should put our baby first."
Neither was willing to back down and the impasse was putting a strain on their relationship.
"I just don't get how some apartment with all these amenities is prioritizing our baby. I understand why he's upset, he's SET on this apartment and I considered it until he finally told me the truth."
"But I'm NOT giving up my pup for some new place. AITA? It's been causing a drift in our relationship."
In an update, the OP clarified there were plenty of other 2 bedroom options available that allowed pets.
She also asserted she was not prioritizing her dog over the baby
"We've looked at plenty of pretty nice ones but none of them have all the amenities that the one he wants has, so he's not even giving them a chance."
"And in no way is this me prioritizing my dog over my baby, if the baby turns out to be allergic to dogs I'll make arrangements and give her to family."
"But as of now there is no reason in terms of baby that my dog needs to go... He just really wants that apartment."
Redditors agreed the OP was NTA (Not the A**hole).
"NTA. Stick to your guns. Find another apartment." – UnsightlyFuzz
"NTA - I seriously dislike dogs. I'm allergic as hell, I hate how needy some of them are, they stink, I loathe being jumped on with those nasty, dirty claws tearing up my skin. And the slobber...that just comes from hell."
"That said when my BIL [brother in law] had to travel and his wife refused to take proper care of his mutt I backed my husband's request Crash come live with us."
"We had that dog 3 years until he died at the ripe old age of 15. Expected lifespan for a Golden is 11 years. He was old, deaf and needed special care nearly all of which fell to me because my husband drove a truck during the last recession."
"Two meals a days, endless baths and brushing, walks, clearing the yard of land mines, vets visits and pain pills everyday at 4pm all while suffering hives and endless sinus infections myself because of him."
"Because the damn dog was family, and unable to care for himself through no fault of his own."
"If your boyfriend is this callous about the fate of a living being just for the perk of an apartment pool or gym I'm wondering what other responsibilities he's slacked on and you've rug swept because he's unable to think beyond his own wishes." – Dumbkitty2
People saw a better equation befitting of the new living arrangement.
"I wonder if she could fit in her current apartment with a baby if she gets rid of the boyfriend." – MehWhateverZeus
"Things I will agree with. Partner goes before the dog does. Oh yeah, NTA. Hope your pup and kid get along great OP!" – TN_Yeti
"NTA. Getting a pet is a great responsibility. A dog is not an object you can return when inconvenient, it's a form of life capable of loving that would suffer deeply if abandoned."
"Your boyfriend's motives are futile. I would dump him and keep the dog." – ludmilapuff
The boyfriend's doggedness was very telling about him as a person.
"Um, yeah. I'd even say that's kinda a red flag. Anybody that can be that callous towards their pet is someone I'd keep an eye on."
"Yeah I know OP said it's her dog, but if their relationship is serious (& it appears to be, what with a baby and all) then her pets are his pets and he should love them as she does."
"AFAIC [as far as I'm concerned] this isn't even something that usually needs to be talked about, but if it does, then by golly they should have a serious discussion about this."
"And get on the same page. I know for me my pets ARE my family just as my human family is. And if my SO [significant other], that I was living with, didn't know that about me, I'd be concerned about that."
"I mean, how someone feels about their animals is usually fairly obvious, to even a casual friend, much less someone that lives with you." – 0utpatient
"He does not have her back. He is perfectly willing to give away HER dog. Not a good life partner." – Zhoenish
The consequences of giving up her dog would be devastating.
"This is not an over reaction. Dogs aren't the same thing as a nice car or a pool. They are living creatures who feel emotions and need care."
"This dog has spent at least half of its life If it lives to the average age of 10 for lots of breeds (and likely whole life if she got as a puppy). This is CRUEL."
"And the fact that he would call HER selfish over not wanting to give up a living creature with MUTUAL love for between them is gross and sociopathic."
"I LOATHE cats with a passion like they actually make me Feel sick and want to cry but if my partner had a cat he loved for YEARS and had before getting with me I'm sure as heck not gonna say get rid of the cat over an unnecessary apartment."
"Plenty allow pets and have 2 bedrooms." – Chickenpastalover
And the boyfriend's lie did not go unnoticed by this Redditor.
"If the dog went to a shelter, didn't get adopted soon, that would mean getting euthanized. Being so flippant about something that brings her this much joy.. over what? A god damn pool?"
"Also, where she says she was considering until he finally told her the truth. So.. was he lying ab that being the only place available?"
"Or just riding on they accept pets and then once they're ab to move in being like 'oh yea, I forgot to mention..' in order to force her hand?"
"Maybe I've read too many reddit stories ab someone giving away or getting rid of their so's pet while they weren't home and then trying to gaslight or manipulate and lie ab the scenario in order to cover it up.. but.. the way he wasn't honest and cares zero ab what happens to a living breathing animal makes me stop and wonder." – rl_cookie
Aside from the occasional joke, most Redditors did not suggest for the expectant mother to go solo and hoped this was a "one off" of the boyfriend's bad behavior.
"I don't think she should dump him. Maybe this is a one off bad behavior on his part but she should 100% not get rid of the dog and refuse to compromise on finding a pet friendly apartment."
"Should he choose to leave because of that well good riddance to him." – MehWhateverZeus
"I don't necessarily condone a break up either but this is not one off bad behavior on his part."
"If he knows how much the dog means to her (which if they've been together for 3 years he should be well aware), he should have taken that into consideration when looking into another apartment."
"He's being a Grade A jerk. Hope OP sticks to her guns." – Magnolia2987
"Not to say I think they should break up on this alone, but it's a big ole red flag when someone won't actually listen to his pregnant partner a opinion on where they should live."
"It would be one thing if they searched and literally could not find a place that offered pets and the necessities (two bedrooms) but he's refusing to even come to the table and try to compromise and that's concerning."
"The OP should not be pressured out of having input on where they live." – kaitou1011P
But here's the thing about red flags:
"Red flags don't change colour when you're pregnant. A baby is better off with two happy co parents than any miserable ones-- being together 'for the child, it's better for the child' is a fallacy." – kaitou1011
Dogs are just as much a part of any family.
"I've had my dog for over 5 years and have been living with my husband for about 3 years. That dog is just as much my husband's now as mine." – WheelMyPain
By suggesting a pet should be abandoned in favor of a "dream apartment," the boyfriend put himself in the dog house. Pets are a lifelong commitment, not just until they're inconvenient.