E or F

Okay so several years ago I worked in a craft store. When we were going through the aisles cleaning up, we were supposed to grab any damaged items and put them in a specific bin. At the end of the night, the manager would kind of quickly go through it just to make sure everything in there was in fact damaged.

So the one night she's digging through it and pulls out a wooden E. "Who put this in here?" She asked. I said I did. She asked why. I told her, "It's supposed to be an E but it's missing one of the prongs."

My manager stared at me for a few moments before informing that it was, in fact, an F.

- thumbingitup

The Break

Took a quick break at work and went to get a drink.

Stupid brain went on autopilot and I drove home (not that far), walked in, took off work shirt, plopped on couch, turned on TV, wondered where my girlfriend was cause she's usually home when I get off work, looked up at clock, realized I had 3 hours left on shift.

Cursed a bunch, got up, put shirt back on, grabbed soda, and went back to work.

- 03throwaway03

On A Hunt

Once searched high and low all over the house for like 25 minutes for a certain pair of shorts that I just could not find. I had them on.

- thwinks

A Cup Of Water

I put a cup of water in the microwave, but the cup was too tall so I poured some water out and tried to put the cup back in thinking that would make it fit.

- Sp00nful017

Magnets, How Do They Work? 

In my 20's I briefly convinced myself that all rocks became magnetic under water, because when I dropped them under the surface, they would fall onto the bigger rock floor, as if they were being pulled magnetically. Took me a good 3 hours to remember gravity existed. Not my proudest moment.

- Caddywhompus12

Screenshot

Tried to take a screenshot of a crack on my phone screen.

- trybeofone

Wine

I was once eating delicious table grapes and asked my wife and her friends: "Why haven't they made booze out of these?"

I forgot wine existed. I thought I had invented wine. We drink A LOT of wine. They were kind of shocked and still tease me about it.

- tonebonePDX

Oops Antiques

Wandered into the bathroom of an very old antiques store and take a dump. Once I finished I realized I was in a storage closet with antique bathroom fixtures - none of which were hooked up to actual plumbing.

- monkeyCmonkeyDoo630

How To Work A Cup

I was at the zoo buying a fountain pop from the cafe when the staff didn't give me a straw. I asked for one and he said that they do not give out straws due to the free roaming animals on the zoo ground.

I asked, "How am I supposed to drink this?"

Without breaking eye contact, he took the drink and removed the plastic lid.

- PlayDohMask

Thank You

A random girl asked me to take her photo at the park so I agreed and replied with a chill 'sure'. After taking the photo, she thanked me and apologized for being bothersome. My dumb self replied to her 'thank you' with a

"No, Thank you"

Instead of a 'You're welcome'

At that moment I realized I sounded like a total perv and was like ... did I really just say thanks for taking HER picture??? Please excuse me as I go jump off a cliff...

I hate being socially awkward.

- aleshuu

Cinco De Mayo

A bunch of co-workers were talking about getting together for Cinco de mayo. They asked me if I wanted to join. I said, "Sure, when is it?"

That's the day I learned Cinco de mayo meant May 5th.

- suckynipplechops

Log Pile

I was like ten when this happened. I was with my friends looking for a nice place to go on adventures and shit.

We found a stack of lumber that attracted our attention. Old guy, who owns the lumber tells us not to climb up there, or if we do, just be careful.

We climb on it anyways. I find a way INSIDE just to get stuck between two huge logs.

We had to alarm the fire department and they had to cut me out of there.

At that point literally the entire town was across the road watching me.

- Encrux615

In Your Hand

Once I wanted to play on my DS (few years back) and I spent 10 minutes walking around the house asking my mom where my ds was.

It was in my hand the whole time.

- elliehasastroke

Spent almost an hour searching my house for my phone....while on the phone with my Mom. She heard me getting frustrated and throwing things around and asked "What's wrong?" And I replied, real pissed off, "I can't find my phone anywhere. I have been looking for it the whole time I have been talking to you....oh."

- holmesla0319

I decided to end working on homework, and arose from my desk searching for my phone. I probably wanted to relax and lurk or do something else of the sort.

It was dark in my room, so I couldn't see anything.

I then thought, "Hey, let me grab my phone here and use the flashlight to try and find my phone!" ...

I grabbed my phone, turned on the flashlight (as well as the light in the room), and spent a good five minutes looking for my phone with my phone.

I finally decided to look at my hand, and was disappointed in myself for the rest of the day.

- SUPA_Doggo

I was on the phone with my boss he was asking me if I was at work yet I said no I wasn't. He asked me why not. I said I couldn't find my phone. He said "Do me a favor look at your hand." I told him I was looking for my phone.

He sighs and goes "Shut the hell up and look at your hand."

So I look at my hand and tell him it's empty. He goes "No you dumb sh*t look at your other hand."

So I then looked at my hand that was holding my phone. After a long pause I just said "I found my phone."

He told me to get to work.

- Sting2018

Teaching Preschool Is Exhausting

Preschool teacher here! My coworker lost her Northface jacket at work, and had to leave during nap time. She, I, and a third teacher all spent about 20 minutes searching for this jacket while tip-toeing around our combined classes of sleeping 3 year olds.... just for her to realize that she was wearing it the entire time.

- KillerQueen15

Physique

I was once on a job interview for a large car manufacturer for working the assembling line. When I was asked "What's your biggest flaw?" I told the recruiter "My physique."

Needless to say, I didn't get a callback.

- cellaz

Foil v. The PhD

Just last week I wanted to reheat some leftovers in the microwave. I put them in and pushed "start"... with the aluminum foil still on.

Some frightening sparks got off before/while my dumbass realized what I'd done and hit "cancel."

...I have a PhD.

- oh_blessyourheart

Phonetic Phanatic

I grew up outside of Philadelphia and went to college in Louisiana. On the first paper I wrote for my Civil War and Reconstruction class I kept writing how the generals were PHANATICS - because I actually thought that was how it was spelled. Until I was 19.

When I showed up a few weeks later in a Sixer's jersey the professor stopped the class in the middle of a lecture and said, "Oh my god, you're from Philly. Oh my god. Is that really how you think fanatic is spelled?"

And I said "How else would you spell it?"

To which he responded "The right way???"

It was traumatic.

- Talk2Angels

Inventing Tennis

My friend and I were in gym class playing ping pong. After a while we got to talking about how there should be a bigger, court-sized version of ping pong with larger paddles, a larger ball, a larger net and maybe 2-3 people on each side. Fully content and proud that we had invented a new game, we continued playing.

5 minutes later, my friend started dying laughing and, once she was able to stop laughing, pointed out that we had just invented tennis.

- hot_thot_bot

Never Assume Pregnancy

I'm a bicycle tour guide, this happened in front of the entire group of 16 people, quarter way into an eight hour tour.

To everyone, loudly: "OK the next toilet break will be one hour from now!"

To small heavily pregnant Asian-American lady: "Except for you, there's a toilet opportunity in 5 mins if you need it."

I then flashed her my cheeriest smile. She responded by just giving me a look of confusion - and that's when my panic set in.

Me: "You are with child, correct?"

Her: arms drop "No, just fat..."

The group recoiled as a collective, the poor woman looked absolutely humiliated and her husband went beet red. My panic gave way to total flight mode and I awkwardly half-yelled my response.

"GOOD, BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ANNOYING HA HA!"

dies inside

- Bikelangelo

The Oil

I may be accident prone, but it's usually because of outside forces. However, the second time I was trying to make donuts, I had the biggest blonde moment of my life.

And yes, I am blonde.

Finished everything up, and was cleaning, cause my mom usually gets on my case when I don't clean up after baking. Had wiped down all the counters, put the ingredients away, and all that was left was the hot oil.

My dumbass proceeds to forget what happens when hot oil and cold water do when mixed.

Proceeded to get second degree burns on my dominant hand, and need to call an ambulance because no one is home to the hospital. After I got back, with a newly bandaged hand, my mom got on my case for not cleaning up the oil.

Love you too, mom

- ChanseyChessy

Pizza Pandemonium

Threw a frozen pizza in the oven for my son. A few minutes later the house starts filling with smoke. I open the oven to discover I had put the pizza in upside down.

- Sullt8

Giving City Block A New Meaning

I was trying to charge my phone and I plugged then cable into my phone. It wasn't charging. Then I realized I was walking through the city with the block dragging behind me.

- juanamarina101

Chili Powder Panic

My dad couldn't get the chili powder to come out no matter how hard he smacked the bottle. So he turns the open bottle upside down over his face and smacks it hard. Cue the screaming when the chili powder drops on his left eye.

Rather than rushing to the kitchen sink less than an arm's length away he runs down the hallway, still screaming, to the bathroom at the farther end of the house.

I asked him why he didn't use the kitchen sink and he yelled back "NOW YOU TELL ME!?" and ran back into the kitchen to use said sink.

I asked him again why he ran back just because I asked him the question, "I DON'T KNOW!!" he told me.

- gildedstrife