Men Break Down What Alternate Purpose They'd Pick For Their Penis

"That's right..."

"Master key to unlock any lock. That's right, for just $9.95 you can turn any key into a gloryhole."

BreezeAG

This has so many possibilities if you want to be a porn actor.

"It sends out..."

"it sends out an internet connection to my laptop and phone."

fuyungah

Never pay for internet again?

Save money?

This sounds like a win to me.

"Imagine..."

"Periscope. Imagine being able to whip your unit around a corner to check for enemy insurgents."

MrBrisket

There has to be a wonderful, heartwarming buddy comedy about this.

Something about a spy and his penis, perhaps?

"I'd never..."

"Piss gasoline. I’d never have to pay for a tank again."

weinerofyahweh

Okay, this sounds like a great way to piss off–get it?–OPEC and get yourself assassinated.

Well done.

"Family gatherings..."

"Turning mashed potatoes into gold. Family gatherings were never this awkward… or lucrative!"

shiroboi

Thanksgiving will never be the same again, that's for sure.

"I can forcefully..."

"Detachable baton, so I can forcefully dong insolent people about the face and head with it."

PavoRetare

Something about this image is hilarious to me.

But detaching it sounds like the easy part.

What about re-attaching it?

"Taking..."

"Taking the steering wheel while I eat a sandwich."

housemuncher

Ah, a simple man with simple priorities.

Never tear a man away from his sandwich.

"Well..."

"Well, another limb, like an elephant trunk. Can be used to grasp things, turn pages of a book..."

AmuseMe2

This sounds like it would be very useful and fun... until you get a papercut on your penis, that is.

"It can play..."

"It can play music. Probably drums."

ClassofClowns

I think you've just described the musical act of the century.

"As a climber..."

"Penis hooks. As a climber I use heel hooks and toe hooks to keep me on the wall. I want the ultimate no hands no feet rest position on the wall."

Ozo_Zozo

You'd probably get so fit, too.

Just be sure that all those muscles don't go solely to your penis.

Now... it's only fair, gentlemen.

We should probably ask women what they would do if they could give their vaginas a superpower.

It'd be interesting to see how these complement each other, wouldn't you agree?

Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!