Weddings are generally joyous occasions, but that doesn't mean they're without headaches and drama.
It can be especially terrible when someone steals your wedding day thunder and then doesn't even offer an apology.
A bridesmaid in a recent wedding, Reddit user "hotblooded," shared the story of how one of her fellow bridesmaids stole the bride's thunder on her wedding day, and how she got caught financially in the middle afterwards.
She shared her story on the "Am I the A**hole?" thread, to discuss her awkward position in the wedding's aftermath.
The bridesmaid shared first some details about the wedding, which sounded lovely:
"I was a bridesmaid in a wedding months ago. The bride was pregnant so we didn't have a bachelorette party and instead, planned one post baby. The girls Venmo'd me their part. We paid for the bride's share so she paid zero."
"Backstory, there were 5 bridesmaids. One of them, let's call her Debbie Drama brought her boyfriend as a plus one. He was neither there for the bride or the groom. This wedding was absolutely gorgeous, in a vineyard, open bar, bride and groom paid for the bridal and groomsmen's hotel for the weekend and a wine tour for us and our plus ones including their family aka BIG MONEY."
"We got there on a Friday, wedding on Sunday, checkout Monday. Debbie and boyfriend were both there the whole weekend."
Despite how beautiful and expensive the wedding was meant to be, the bride and groom soon learned it wouldn't be without its downfalls.
"Well come wedding day, Debbie's boyfriend gets everybody's attention right after bride's dad made a heartfelt speech, and uses that time to propose to Debbie. TACKY TACKY CRINGE CRINGE. Everyone was shocked and furious, which is obviously justified. B&G have a verbal altercation with Debbie and Debbie's boyfriend and tell them to check out and leave mid wedding. They're no longer friends, still."
This, of course, impacted all the other plans the wedding party had set up.
"So back to the bachelorette weekend. I get a call saying the trip has been cancelled and I'm getting a refund and credits for future use. I forwarded the email to the 5 bridesmaids and bride, so they can read about it."
The bride clearly wasn't okay with everyone receiving the email.
"I get a call from the bride furious that I'm giving Debbie her money back and travel credits. I told her I'd be giving Debbie back her money but not credits. She says I shouldn't give her anything because she ruined her wedding."
"I technically blame her boyfriend and not Debbie per se but I also never liked Debbie so it's whatever to me. I told the bride she doesn't get a say in this because she's not paying for the trip."
"The bride almost feels like her and her husband are due the money, although she hasn't directly asked for it. There's definitely an implication though. I have no clue what the right thing to do is but I'm going to give Debbie back her money. Does that make me an a**hole?"
The bridesmaid also edited the post later to note that the altercation between the bride and groom and "Debbie Drama" and her boyfriend was actually more heated than a simple argument.
"Debbie was not in on the proposal but she is not remorseful. Debbie told the bride and groom that (this isn't verbatim but close to what she said) 'you guys should be proud and flattered that you got to be apart of my proposal instead of being selfish C*NTS.'"
"After he proposed, she instructed the photog to take pics, then pulled him out into a vineyard thing to take pictures of them as an engagement shoot. The B&G had to pull them aside and tell them how tacky what they were doing was. They argued then they ended up asking them to leave."
"worth it to say, Debbie hasn't tried to reach out to any of us, or asked me about the trip since the wedding."
Fellow Redditers were quick to reply, confiding how awkward and unfair it was for the bride to place the bridesmaid in such a position.
But it was clear that, however successful the wedding was, the money involved was a separate issue from what happened at the wedding.
"NTA you should give Debbie her part of everything. The bride doesn't get to financially punish Debbie because she's mad. That's just childish." - coreysjill
"The bride needs to have that conversation separately."
"Basically, if you withheld that money it puts you in a bad spot. She paid for something, it was cancelled and refunded, she's entitled to her portion of the refund."
"The fact that Debbie and her boyfriend suck doesn't change how these things work." - bacon-n-eggies
"NTA- the bride is."
"I feel this is pretty important."
"OP needs to refund Debbie just to wash her hands of the whole debacle."
"Last thing OP needs is for Debbie to have something to hold over her or risk seeking the money through legal means. The bride shouldn't be putting this on OP." - Gaoler86
"OP should refund Debbie, tell her she's officially uninvited from the bachelorette party on behalf of the bride (although Debbie clearly already knows that) and just wrap the whole thing up and be done with it."
"Sucks that Debbie gets all the problems when her boyfriend is the one who proposed...but it's still her money and the bride is not entitled to it. Also if she got kicked out of the wedding, can we assume the bride kept the wedding gift from Debbie?" - -Alula
The bridesmaid updated her post one more time to thank her fellow Redditers for their thoughtful replies and said she had properly returned the money to "Debbie Drama."
It's unclear if amends will be made across the wedding party, but at least the bridesmaid can say she's washed her hands of the situation.
For some side-splitting bridesmaid humor while you're cooped up in the house, check out Bridesmaids here.
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