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Being accused of things you didn't do is annoying and can be infuriating even in the best of situations. Sometimes, though, the thing you're accused of is so ridiculous that you can't even be mad.
For example, I had a group of friends I would chat with online. One day, the elderly father of one of those friends got a phone call from Florida saying the friend was in trouble and needed bail money.
Dad knew it was a scam because he had heard about it on the news and just spoken to his son. Dad brushed it off, but did tell son about it. Son mentioned it to a few of those friends.
One of them decided that *I* must have been behind the scam since I live in Florida - along with like 18.5 million other people, but that's not the point. As far as this person was concerned, it was totally me who tried to scam an old man (who I didn't even know was alive and would have no way to contact) out of some money.
Amazingly they managed to convince a few other people that I was a nefarious phone scammer, too. Extra amazingly, that's not even the strangest thing I've been accused of. Let's not even talk about the Nigerian Illuminati incident...
Reddit user Memerdreemurr_Unrl asked:
What's the weirdest thing you've been falsely accused of?
The responses honestly made us laugh pretty hard in most cases. Some were sad since you can tell mental illness played a roll. All of them were outright odd.
Drug-Free Brownies
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A long time ago: In exchange for housing, I took care of my best friend's 2 y/o niece and 3 y/o nephew. One day, their insane mom showed up and insisted that I'd given her children pot brownies - not regular brownies - since they were running all over the place (like children sometimes do.) She even called the cops on me, who confirmed that I gave the kids normal, drug-free brownies. She was admitted to a mental hospital not long after. It was so dramatic.
I took care of them for about another 3 years after (until someone else was awarded custody) and still travel back home to see them when I can. Their mom never showed up again - it's been 7 years now. I also lost both parents to mental issues, no way I could just duck out.
- M31K_
You Can't Fit A Dumpster In An Impala
My boyfriend got pulled over by the police in his super tiny Impala car, because apparently some shop owner accused him of trying to steal a whole dumpster with said vehicle.
We Can't Afford A Coke Habit
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Doing drugs every morning before work.
It's called coffee people, I work at the same low paying company as you all. None of us could afford that coke habit.
- Majik9
That's Not How Alcoholism Works
Freshman year of college I had a super sheltered roommate. One Friday, I illegally bought a bottle of vodka, had a shot, thought it was gross, and put it in the freezer. Never drank again the rest of the semester. She accused me of being an alcoholic a month later.
She was ungodly stupid. If I were an alcoholic that bottle of vodka wouldn't have stayed there the entire semester, practically full. She opened the freezer a lot for food, the alcohol was always at the same level. It's unlikely she thought I was replacing the bottle. Unless she thought I drank an entire bottle a day.
Hill Letters
Some places in the US have big white letters on the side of the hill to signify the name of the town, the name of local schools, etc. I grew up in between 2 towns like this.
Both of the "hill letter" towns were "cross town rivals" and were always playing (lame) pranks on each other. One time, a bunch of kids from my school went up to the rivals letter and changed it around to their letter. It required hiking up a large hill and rearranging boulders for hours. A couple of the kids were football players and there were about 6 kids doing the work.
Because my car was seen in town, I was accused of doing it. Just me. I wouldn't have even climbed up the hill, let alone spent hours lifting rocks plus this was a task that was literally impossible for a single person.
There are still people that remember it happening and ask if it was me.
- Gekokujo
Rewards Program Identity Theft
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I have to ask every customer if they'd like to join our rewards program. It's the retail equivalent of "would you like fries with that?" To complete the enrollment I need a phone number and an email address.
Being accused of trying to steal someone's identity to sell it to the Russians (or some equally paranoid rant) is a dramatic event that happens a handful of times per year.
One lady went on a fifteen minute rampage about how she doesn't trust anyone with her phone number because banking can be done over the phone and she never knows when she'll be tapped, etc. Then she has the nerve to go off on me because she's not getting any reward coupons...
Once in a while I'll drop the hint that they can, in fact, give me a fake number or email and I'll never know, and they look at me dumbfounded like someone just told them Santa Claus isn't real.
Rural Chinese Stairs
I was staying at my girlfriends hometown in rural China.
Little old lady fell up stairs and she started accusing me of pushing her... I was a good 10 meters away. A security guard saw what happened and he told me to just ignore her and walk away.
I Don't Work Here
Being late for work/skipping out on work by not being in uniform (this was at a grocery store.)
It started with a foreign employee yelling at me in broken English as I entered the store. I understood about 1/3 of what she was saying and tried explaining (in vain) that I didn't work there. Later, when I was doing my shopping she came back and started yelling at me again and started trying to pull me towards the employee area. Luckily I was bigger and stronger so I stood my ground and yelled for help.
Another employee who spoke better English and could communicate with her arrived and I yelled at him about his crazy coworker. The store owner was called in and gave me a gift card for my troubles and a lot of harsh words for the female employee.
I saw the new employee I was presumably mistaken for a few weeks later. I have to admit, we were very similar except for our height, weight, skin tone, hair color, facial hair and race. Anyone could've gotten us mixed up.
Terrorism
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Another student in elementary school once accused me of "terrorism" by claiming I blinded her with a so called "weapon I snuck into school."
It was a little light for a diary that would reveal UV ink; I forgot it was in my pocket and took it to school accidentally. I pulled it out because the light was on and this girl across hall starts flailing and saying that I blinded her. I lost recess for a week even though it was just a light, they called it "directed aggression" or something.
Making It In New York
I had just moved to New York for a job at a mid-size company.
One of my co-workers threw a house party to welcome me and another woman who also just started. (I didn't really know this other woman, she worked in a different department and we only talked once during a benefits orientation thing.) It was a Friday night, and I stayed and partied into the next morning, while the other woman left around 10:30PM or so.
Next Monday morning at work, that woman messages me and says she needs to talk to me immediately. We go to the empty break room downstairs and she is furious. She's doing the red-face/angry crying thing.
"I heard you were talking about me after I left. You were telling everyone that there is no way I can make it in New York. How dare you talk about me behind my back. F*ck. You. I hate drama and I will not let you get me involved in it." (I don't think I'm explaining this well enough, she had veins popping out of her neck, she looked like she wanted to fight me.)
I'm absolutely shocked and confused and I'm looking around the room like that John Travolta GIF.
"Are you sure it was me? I have no opinion on your ability to live in New York. I hardly even know your name, to be honest."
That pissed her off more, she cusses at me a bit more, and threatens to report me to HR if I don't stop talking about her behind her back.
The situation kinda worked itself out because it turned out she couldn't in fact "make it" in New York and quit about a week and a half later.
I ended up being good friends with the people who were at the original house party and I asked them about that night, if anyone was talking about her after she left. They all swear that her name was never mentioned and she just made the whole thing up. Friggin crazy.
Gang Banger
Being a "gang banger" at my old job. What actually happened was a coworker that didn't like me found a box cutter in the staff bathroom. This coworker took it to our department head and said it was definitely mine and she knew that because I was a gang member. Spoiler alert: it wasn't my box cutter. It was the maintenance guy's.
"It's A Shank!"
When I was 13 years old, my friends sister got in an argument with a old lady in McDonald's. My friends 9 year old brother had climbed over the booth to get to his seat, as kids sometimes do. The lady yelled at us that we all belong in a zoo and then called the cops.
The police showed up and accused me of being a local gangbanger with the moniker "Lil Joker."
This wasn't even in my city. I'm definitely not a gangbanger and I have no idea who "Lil Joker" is. The fact that I wasn't from that city wasn't enough for the cops. They then searched our car and came out with a small phillips head screw driver. When I say small i mean TINY. It was the ones used for tightening the screws on a pair of glasses.
The cops came out aggressively shouting "What is this?!?!?" We told them it was a screw driver.
"Its a shank!" was their response. All in all a pretty ridiculous interaction with the police when I was a kid.