Teachers Divulge The Worst Things They Confiscated From Students

Something can leave a lasting impact you think about for years after the fact without actually being physically or mentally scarring. Sometimes it just makes you question why you're doing what you're doing.

That's Not How That Works

"I had to confiscate hand sanitizer from a student who decided to drink it to get drunk and threw up EVERYWHERE."

astrobre

"This actually came up in a chemistry lab. One guy heard sanitizer had alcohol in it and you could see his eyes light up. The teacher had to calmly explain why he'd probably die/get violently sick."

Arandomcheese

Thank You For Being So Hurtful And So Honest

"My wife is a teacher and one of her first graders brought her 2 hard seltzers because her mom said they’re good after a long day and she deserved them"

Nocreativeability

"Aww that's pretty sweet actually, even if inappropriate."

macaroni_penguin09

Remember that bee story from earlier? This is that time.

These stories are peculiar, odd to say the least, but mostly harmless to those involved. Unless you're a bee.

Black Market Bee Sales?

"When I was in fifth grade there was an active market in live bees."

"Some kids figured out that the weight of the average fifth grader briefly stepping on a bee, in the grass, would stun it for about a minute without actually killing it. They started going out in teams to scout bees on the field, stun them, and carefully scoop them into plastic sandwich bags -- they'd then sell them to other students who'd release them in classrooms to waste class time and scare people."

"You could get honeybees for 25 cents apiece. Bumblebees and yellow jackets cost more. Teachers and school admin started cracking down on this -- teachers literally confiscated live bees in plastic bags from students when found, and they eventually had to start having someone watch the field to catch students in the act."

Piogre

Take It Off The Stove

"My mom has had stories about what's she's confiscated from lower elementary aged students (K-3). The usual prank items like woopie cushions, sure. But one time a student was playing with this weird box. The box was locked. So she couldn't put it in the confiscated bin. She put it on top of a cabinet. About an hour later, it starts ringing. Furiously. It took some doing to get the box open."

"Turns out, this kid's parent was a professional chef. So the kid had grabbed every timer in the house, set them for the max amount of time, locked the box, brought it to school, and played with it so it would get confiscated and ring loudly. Whole class erupted with laughter and screaming. A true agent of chaos"

Cathy-the-Grand

Awww-huh?

"Preschool teacher here. I had to convince a 4 year old that his mom's wedding ring should go into a special box on the front desk instead of on the finger of a six year old girl he had a crush on."

"Later he brought in his dad's car keys, and a bottle opener."

Luka-the-Pooka

We Found Nemo, Everybody

"The weirdest one was definitely the fish in a vase they found during locker checks. It was in an unassigned locker someone had added a lock to. Inside was a live Betta fish in about as large a vase as you can fit in a locker. Fully decorated. Someone had clipped a little book light to the top of the vase presumably so fish wasn't in the dark all the time. No one claimed to know whose if was or how long it had been there so it lived in the coaches office for at least that year."

Polyf-ckery

Everybody Is Going Nuts

"A dead squirrel."

"I taught preschool at the time."

groviegroves

Kids are dangerous psychos, aren't they? Deep down? We're just meant to think they're innocent so we won't notice they knife they're about to stick in our backs.

Planning A Heist?

"Most dangerous: a knife from an 8th grader."

"Most annoying: different school than above, but a wifi jammer and a USB killing device from an 8th grader."

CageyRabbit

This Is Why We Shouldn't Give Kids Technology

"Not a teacher, but a bus driver. I had to confiscate a 5th grader's cell phone a few days ago, specifically because he was showing hardcore porn to first graders with it... Lots of phone calls that day..."

MrJoyless

"My school banned 1st grade - 5th grade from having phones because the 4th/5th graders would constantly show hardcore porn to the younger kids... I'm starting to see a pattern here"

jo_nigiri

Ah, That Explains A Lot Of These Stories

"Penis shaped glass pipe with weed still in the balls/bowl. Mom asked if she would be getting it back or if the school was keeping it."

LebrontologicalArgmt

What're You Looking At?

"Vibrator."

"This was a 6th grade building, and apparently it fell out of one of the students bags after sitting down. It was in between periods, so she was the only one in the room (besides me obviously)."

"I look on the floor and she asks me what I’m looking at. I quickly pick it up and tell her to see me after class."

- QwertyTrain

Never Went Back

"I used to be a substitute teacher grades 6-12. I would usually let the kids do whatever they wanted as long as it wasn’t anything inappropriate, dangerous, etc. That’s probably why I made good money and was always a substitute at that school."

"A teacher was on maternity for half a year so i was called in to teach. It was 11th graders who i taught before and they all were pretty good kids."

"One incident ended my time with them."

"I had to go to the printer (in the office) to make copies of a paper that I miscounted. When I returned a student was missing as there was only 15 in that class."

"I looked around and everyone was laughing."

"I asked what what was so funny, then I hear groaning noises coming from the small room in the back that could hold 2 students inside as it was large for a small classroom."

"I open the door to a male student holding a flesh light around his eggplant. I was so disgusted that I put it in a plastic bag, threw it into the office and left the school and never went back."

"The reason I left was because he was jerking off to a photo of me on my facebook. I still get asked to come back."

- rixishea

Kate

"Not a teacher, but student."

"I was in science class at the time. The girl sitting next to me, I'm gonna call her Kate. Kate had been looking in her bag for something, and then she pulled it out."

"She came out of her bag armed with a clear plastic water bottle that looked around 3 to 4 years old. It had grown moldy inside of it and had bugs in it."

"Kate had to stay behind and have the teacher talk to her. She told the teacher that she intended to pour the moldy water onto someone she hated."

- Your_Mother28

Mom's Friend

"Preschool teacher here."

"A four year old who brought in a well-worn sex toy of her mom’s. She wouldn’t put it down."

"Giving it to mom at the end of the day was certainly memorable."

- Misdelf

Evidence

"My first year of teaching, a student came in on a Monday morning and handed me a paper bag. In the bag there was a bloody shirt."

"She wanted to let me know that she had violated her probation and there was a stabbing at the home she went to."

"Yes, I had to go to court to testify to her admission."

- Florida_MawMaw1213

Snorting Jello

"Not a teacher, but a witness:"

"One time at my school the teachers where freaking out because some boys were with their noses running purple."

"When a teacher followed one of the guys into the bathroom they discovered the guys were snorting jello as if it was cocaine."

"They confiscated all the jello."

- IsaLunaBR

It's not your child, we promise. It's everyone else's kid that's bringing dead squirrels and phone porn to school.

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