Cheaters are gonna cheat.
Which is why we need to be on the lookout and prepared.
There are ALWAYS little hints and signs letting us know when our partners are stepping out.
Sometimes it's too hurtful or embarrassing to face.
But facing can be the greatest form of self-respect.
Let's pay close attention.
Redditor Ner_Syra wanted to discuss the glaring red flags we should be looking out for when it comes to infidelity, so they asked:
"What’s a sign someone’s cheating that isn’t obvious until you’ve been through it?"
ADJUSTMENTS
"The passenger seat in their car is suddenly always adjusted for someone else. A ghost with very specific ergonomic needs."
- SunTraditional6031
Hulu Queenie GIF by Onyx Collective Giphy
The Villain
"When they all of a sudden start relentlessly finding faults in you and picking fights, they try to frame it as your fault. Villainizing you is their way of justifying their actions."
- StrongTree17
"Ah, you met my ex. Everything she was completely fine with at the start of our relationship turned into massive arguments during the end of our relationship over NOTHING."
"I would put an arm around her when we sit on the couch, whether it would be at her place or at her parents' place, she'd LOVE that kind of affection. Yet the last week that we were together, she all of a sudden switched and said, 'The fact that you always want to be next to me and put an arm around me is clingy and shows me that you can't let me go and that's unhealthy,' like... What?!"
- Sad_Bodybuilder_186
Nothing Ahead
"The lack of forward-looking plans."
- Educational_Emu3763
"This was really the ONLY clue I can look back on and pretty clearly see. She hid her 4-year affair VERY VERY well; all the time they spent together was hidden in time slots she had for decades.
"But yeah, she suddenly stopped planning for retirement with me in 2020. At the time, it was 'with the world and economy and real estate markets such a mess, less pause this for a while,' which seemed reasonable. In hindsight, she was checked out."
- No_Character_4443
Ya Know
Any sudden, drastic switch-up in attitude. They abruptly become distant and don’t want to spend time with you. Or it can be the opposite, they abruptly become more lovey, constantly saying 'I miss you,' or 'ya know I love you,' etc, etc… I’ve experienced both.
- Toaster_In_A_Tub
"Oh, mannerisms too. Any change in the way they text or casually liking or following things of interest that you know they don’t have any interest in, like a girl following a football club or a dude suddenly being interested in K-pop music."
- the99percent1
The Whole 9 Yards
"Drastic shift in how she dressed."
- Unique-Marzipan2143
"YES, I was looking for this one. Both guys who cheated on me suddenly became very interested in changing up their style. New clothes, jewelry (one had piercings), hairstyle, the whole 9 yards. I'm not suspicious of a small change in looking nicer or losing weight, but when they seem preoccupied with looking better, I take that as a glaring sign that something is up."
- lindabelchrlocalpsyc
Yes... but!
"There is a chilliness that wasn't there before. Almost like there's a 'yes, but...' vibe to things."
"Impossible for me to notice back then, as I didn't know it was a thing."
"Also, some girls will get mean when they know they're being shi**y and want you to end it. That baffled me as well."
"May we all find what our hearts are looking for."
- elreyadr0k
"The getting mean phase is spot on. Not only were they shi**y, but they refused to just end it, instead opting to push you to the brink of breaking up with them out of frustration. Very manipulative and narcissistic behavior. Hope everyone is able to dodge that bullet unscathed."
- smf12
The Food Hunt
"Leaving early for work to 'buy food' or returning late from work because they were 'grocery shopping.' Especially if it should not take that long."
- Important-Grocery710
supermarket GIF by Justin Timberlake Giphy
Best Friend
"Y'know... the only time I've been cheated on was with the lifelong 'best friend' that everyone seemed cool with them sleeping in the same bed together because they're 'basically siblings' is what her mom said. Even believed her when she said the boxers I found on the floor were mine. Probably didn't believe it, but wanted to since she was my first."
"I know the post called for something not obvious, so I feel I needed to share my naive a** story."
- curiousj420
INTENTIONS
"When they tell you about the ones who were hitting on them."
"But the one that they didn’t mention to you about... yeah, they are thinking about leaving you for them. Even if it’s just for a night."
Oh... here’s an even better one. When they intentionally start a fight just to get away from you. Yeah, they are with someone else for the night or two or the entire week."
- the99percent1
Cover Up
"If they have been cheating the whole time, nothing in behavior will change. It will be the baseline. Which is the goal? It’s even worse when the person they are cheating with is aware and helps cover up for them. I’ve noticed cheating partners always seem to shower when they arrive home; like won’t even touch you until they shower. They don’t like cheating jokes, from my experience."
- Awkwardbabeface
Validation...
"They hide their phone because of the conversations they know they shouldn’t be having, being emotionally distant with you out of nowhere, with no reason or warning. They start random arguments with you about the smallest of things, lying about where they’re going and who they’re gonna be with at specific times. They’ll say they aren’t talking to anyone anymore but yet still have inappropriate conversations with said person or other people despite knowing your feelings. Constantly seeking validation from others besides their partner."
- AnonymousGirl1114
Blurred...
"Emotional cheating. It's really easy to fall into that trap. Like your brain rationalizes its friendly banter, it's just a good friend of mine, not realizing the boundary lines have gone from blurred to crossed."
- Sweetragnarok
Angry Hate GIF Giphy
Beyond the Vows
"Emotionally detaching, getting irrationally angry at things they never seemed to get slightly upset at before (weird/strange reasons given for their outburst), taking their phone everywhere (spending hours in the bathroom with it) and denying such things, coming back to the shared home at weird hours late at night covered in perfume that you don't wear/glitter, blaming you for everything that's gone 'wrong' in the relationship with shit evidence, constantly changing the shared history together with details meant to hurt you strongly."
"I tried to save the marriage because I thought I had to be the one to honor the vows. I got very sick through this, and I know now to never sacrifice your well-being when someone is being excruciatingly shitty with you. Been divorced for a few years now and am so much happier."
- shinyspecialrock
Changing Spots
"Moving to another spot to use their phone, yeah? I remember the pattern easily now, but I just didn't even think about it at the time. They would be sitting next to me. The phone goes off with a text notification, yeah? Then, they would get up like they're stretching, or go to grab a drink, then come back and sit in a spot where their phone would be angled away from me as they texted.
"I mean, it would happen every time that thing went off, yeah? I just never questioned it, because people sit in different spots all the time, yeah? I only found out because they told me a few years ago, after the fact, like what the f**k?"
- Hot_Wrangler2811
I Love Him
"My ex-wife used to read me the text conversations she was having with the guys she was interested in (they were always my friends) to show me how funny they were. Oftentimes, they were just normal, mundane conversations, and were not especially funny, but she would read them to me like he was being hilarious and always say 'I love him' when we talked about them."
"In the way you say you love your friends, but it was every time their name got brought up. I speak in multiples because she basically ran through every man in our friend group trying to get one of them to sleep with her."
- TheTelekinetic
Dirtbag
"My ex-husband was sleeping with a co-worker. It took me seeing that he was spending twice as much on lunch every day to figure it out. He was taking her to lunch every day. He tried to play it off like he was buying lunches for people, and they were paying him back, but he never had cash from them. This was before Venmo, etc. I finally caught him. Dirtbag."
- danarexasaurus
Lying Mohawk Girls GIF by CBC Giphy
Why can't people just break up with the partner they are clearly over?
That question is centuries old.
Pay attention to the signs and your gut.
If you think they're cheating... they probably are.
