Straight Men Share The Strangest Things They've Been Told Not To Do Because 'It's Gay'

A Real Man Would Start Over

I was reading a book and a couple dudes called me gay. Not for reading a book, but because I was using a bookmark.

u/RJ1337

Unsustainable 

There was a thread on here a while back where some poor girl told the world about an ex who wouldn't wipe himself or wash his genitals cause "touching a penis is gay"

u/amc7262

Can't Imagine How Ugly the Cup Holder Dispute Got

My brother-in-law and I went to a movie. He told me it was gay to sit next to him. I told him to stop being a b*tch and I sat right next to him. For the entire movie.

u/writerintheory1382

A Very Thin, Hollow, Dr. Pepper Filled Penis

Use a straw.

Because apparently it's like having a tiny peen in your mouth.

I still use straws and haven't had the urge to be with a man yet.

u/PI3M3I

"No Being Dry!"

Linen shopping. By my best friend.

That's nice bro, but I need towels. Deal with it.

u/Shiasurasa

A Far Cry From "No Thank You"

A guy in the bus offered his seat to a woman that was standing. She looked at him and said "Are you gay or something?" like it's gay to be polite.

u/Akinory13

The Long Stem Mimosa Glass Really Set Off the Alarms

Brunch. If steak, eggs and alcohol at noon are gay, well then f*ck it.

u/knaugh

The Most Aggressive Review of a Pedicure

Get a pedicure. Holy f*ck that sh*t feels so good!

u/Ducas24

A Stone Would be Hotter

Girl - "Oh, I thought you were gay"

Me - "What?!? Haha, noooo. Why did you think that?"

Girl - "Because you were smiling so big and laughing a lot"

u/Titanruss

Geographical Determinism

I grew up in California before moving to the east coast as a teenager.

I've been told all Californian's are gay or at least bi, more than once.

iph0ne

High Schoolers are Insane 

I wore my watch on my right hand. Apparently when i was in high school that gay as f*ck.

jumpstart58

Heterosexuality is Generated From the Plaque Between Your Teeth

Floss my teeth.

Apparently, gingivitis is something only hetero people have.

DeadWombats

Bear in Tights 

I sew renaissance type costumes as a hobby. I've been told I should stop doing it because sewing is either gay or women's work.

On the plus side I am a 6'2 bear of a man so when I tell them to f*ck off, they usually leave it be.

BattleFerrett

Fleetwood Mac. Nuff Said.

Enjoy female singers/fronted bands. I came from a very stupid place with a very stupid culture.

mindfeces

Clearly a Huge Freud Fan

My sister told me that her Psychology teacher explained that every man that went to see a prostitute were secretly gay because they were seeking out the previous man's penis inside the prostitute's vagina.

inckalt

"Citrus is a Fruit, My Hands are Tied"

Tried to order a Mojito at a bar back when they were all the rage since I had only heard of them and never tried one.

Waiter looked at me and said "No. You're not gay so i wont get that for you."

But...i just wanted to try a popular cocktail....

RemedialChaosTheory

Straight and Wet

My sister told me this gem.

Her male friend said he hated being a guy because he COULDN'T USE AN UMBRELLA.

BoilEmMashEmBoilEm

"Lactose Proficient" is an Incredible Phrase

Drink milk. Especially chocolate milk. I've been singled out on 3 occasions, and was once called gay for it. By store clerks, no less.

I love milk and I'm lactose proficient, so I told them I'd use my lactose proficiency however I like.

BloodRedCobra

Gay is the New Respectful

Having friends that are girls that you don't sexually harass.

premium_hunger