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Straight Guy Asks For Advice After He Keeps 'Obsessively Fantasizing About Bottoming' For Another Man

Opla, via Getty Images

No, this is not a product of increased time spent fantasizing in all directions while stuck at home during the pandemic.

One man is feeling quite lonely, even alongside his girlfriend, as he navigates new desires that arouse in her the total opposite of support.


The story first appeared on Slate's sex advice column, "How to Do It," a place where readers are free to ask burning questions about burning desires.

Rich Juzwiak, the curator of the column then responds with some honest, cogent advice.

The bottom-seeking fella in question explains that his recent fantasies do not jive with his current reality.

He begins where he's most comfortable.

"I view myself as a heterosexual guy in a sexually fulfilling, committed relationship. Women make my heart flutter, even now in my 50s, and I enjoy being the aggressor in my sexual relationships, something my girlfriend is clearly attracted to."

But this is a fully formed human being we're dealing with here. He has desires creeping up on him that he doesn't know what to do with.

"But I have another side, my backside, which I really want violated. I've never been attracted to an actual human male, but I fantasize obsessively about bottoming for some abstract male."
"My porn of choice is pegging when it's not MMF threesomes. I dream of submission."

And all of this would be fine in a supportive space. The key word is "would."

"Here's my problem. My partner hates all of this. I have opened up to her, but she freaks out at my gentle suggestions that she can fulfill these needs."
"She fears that I am secretly gay, that I will leave her over my unmet needs, but she is also grossed out and unwilling to explore the role reversal I want to try."
"She was attracted to an aggressor, not a submissive, and is not game to renegotiate the terms. I am not going to leave her over my need to be penetrated, nor am I going to convince her to do it."

The man is left alone, on an island. And he has no map, no boat, just a willing prostate that he wants to run away from.

"What I'm left with is figuring out where this desire comes from in an effort to overcome it. Is that even possible?"

But Juzwiak comes in hot with advice. But before he gives advice, he gives plain old affirmation to the guy's desires.

"I don't think it's a good idea to try to 'overcome' a desire that is natural and harmless."
"Prostate manipulation is highly pleasurable for many men—it's just sitting up there, waiting to be played with. And plenty of men crave submission."

He then takes question with the way his girlfriend left him out in the cold about it.

"With all due respect, your partner is ignorant. She doesn't seem to be aware of the considerable population of self-identified heterosexual men who enjoy pegging."
"She seems to have a black-and-white view of masculinity, but like anything in life, masculinity mostly takes up a gray area."
"This might not be what attracted her to you, and she certainly doesn't have to partake in sex that doesn't interest her, but her speculation about your sexuality and fidelity is over the line."

Juzwiak closes by outlining two options for him: either continue convincing his girlfriend how normal this all is or lean in to a one-man pegging operation:

"If it's true that it's totally off the table for her, and there's no chance of opening your relationship to allow you to experience it firsthand, you're on your own. Get yourself a dildo and go to town on yourself during your alone time."

Even though the situation is undoubtedly a serious one with real implications on this relationship relationship, Twitter was unwilling to stop everything and give it undivided attention.




The "How to Do It" article was published on April 13. Now, eight days later, there's no knowing what is going on in that bedroom, nor how many people are involved.